To ask what your 14 year old does around the house ?

[fedupandfrustratedwithlife]

Next to fuck all here and I'm pissed off about it. I'm a single parent and she has a younger brother. Ds and I have had a stomach bug this weekend so I asked her to go to the shop across the road to get some lemonade and crisps You'd have thought I asked her to walk 5 miles and carry heavy bags. Today I've asked her to bring in the bins and take out the rubbish. There's not much of it. She's ignored me.
She expects endless wifi, horse riding lessons, whatever food she wants that day to be instantly available and acts like I'm a terrible parent if it's not available. She complains she feels sick because she's had nothing to ear except biscuits for breakfast despite there being a choice of cereals, toast, crumpets. When I do get her favourite foods in she claims she didn't know and she needs me to tell her they are there. Invariably they go off and end up being throw away. She's 14, I don't need to tell her what's available in the fridge or cupboards. I've spent the weekend washing endless bedding and towels whilst taking residence in the bathroom and looking after ds who is too young to do much for himself. Despite that he's actually better than she is.

Please could you make sure you check the washing basket to make sure my school uniform is done? I point out she's got spare uniform but that's not good enough, she only likes 1 of her 3 skirts. The rest look stupid when are rolls it up She's quite capable of putting some washing on.

I feel like going on strike. Her attitude is appalling and she expects the moon on a stick. I don't pander to her so she knows that sulking and flouncing off won't get her anywhere. In fact there's no riding lessons or ròi for anything other than homework until she improves. I admit to being especially annoyed about this due to being ill and not able to do much myself.

I expect both dc to put dirty clothes in the washing basket, put their clean clothes away, dirty plates and cups in the dishwasher and keep their rooms in a reasonable state ie clothes away, rubbish in the bin, school books where they go. It is dds job to empty the dishwasher daily. She doesn't do this then complains I've not paid her for doing it.

She does nothing without being asked and even then she's unlikely to do it. How do you manage your teens?

Fuck all.

The point I'm making is she already does stuff!

My DD 14
sorts the laundry
Puts away the shopping
Cooks dinner a few times a week
Empties dishwasher
Takes bins in and out
Changes bed after much nagging
Runs errands such as buying milk or taking a parcel to post office.

On the other hand
She puts her empty plate next to the sink rather than in the dishwasher
Takes weeks to put her clean washing in the drawer
Piles things high on top of waste paper basket rather than taking outside to bin.

It's an ongoing teaching process.

I'm possibly more relaxed than many due to our set up but I tend to feel if you set up in opposition you'll just create a difficult homelife. I'd try and approach it a gentler way, but I would possibly link phone use to chores initially . Problem with me is I forget, I mean to insist she sorts out her room but I just forget when she's home !

Clears the dishwasher (I hate doing this for some reason)
Puts own washing away - she would do her own but I like to do it all together
Brings the milk in if asked

Tonight she supervised DS (8)’s homework and has done this before (she’s better at doing it than me/ he’s more likely to listen)

Obviously keeps her own room tidy

There were lots of tears last night about her phone and lots of trying to figure out how she could get it back but I remained firm and told her it's up to her to behave and earn it back.
She nearly missed getting up for school today because of not having her phone for an alarm. She used the Alexa instead and said it went off at 6 but not at 7. So why didn't you just get up at 6 then 🙄 it's a good job I woke up (ds and I are ill so were still asleep). She had about 20 minutes to get ready in the end but that's on her. At her age I was up at 6 and out the door just after 7 to get the buses to school and got my own breakfast. I was cooking for myself at that age and very independent.
She has wifi for one hour a day for homework and that's it.

Op in the nicest possible way you sound too frustrated and irritated by your daughter. It honestly sounds like the two of you need to chill and have a laugh together. Rolling your eyes because she can’t get out of bed and you would have isn’t fair, everyone’s different. Yes she needs to figure things out, but you also need to stop acting like she should have it all together. And believe me I do it too, but my parents were definitely a lot more forgiving than I am and I think they had it right