I don’t know what to do

[Eckers]

My nieces mum has blocked me on things after a bit of a row the other day, she was saying I don’t put any effort in to see her which really hurt me because I’ve always felt I did what could in the circumstances. It was my nieces birthday party yesterday and me and my children didn’t go as it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I have tried to drop off her birthday gift at her mums house but nobody was in after trying twice. I don’t know how to handle this, I have messaged her apologising but because I am blocked she won’t see it.

Anybody been in this position?

Is this your sister or your sister in law? What are the circumstances you're referring to? It seems like an extreme response from her.
I've not been in this situation but it does sounds like you're trying hard to remedy the situation. Maybe she just needs some time.

If you're blocked from messaging her then maybe a note through the door?

I suppose it depends on the backstory and why you or her cousins didn't go.

Did you let her know beforehand or didnt show up and she was expecting you?

Is the Mum your sister or your husbands sister?

Yes I suppose the back story would help. My brother had a baby to her and I had never met her before. I thought we had a good relationship but I hadn’t spoke to her for a month or so as I was on holiday and then my DD was in hospital and my mum received a message put of the blue saying none of our family bother, it’s really difficult.

It didn’t feel like the right thing to do as she told me to never message her again before she blocked me, I would have gone but I didn’t want to make the situation worse, she also didn’t come to my DD’s party so I am wondering why all the effort is expected from me?

So basically she has a baby that your family have never bothered with? I can see why she isn’t interested in having you there honestly must hurt her a lot

Does she still see your brother? Can you pass a message through him?

We did see her, I used to have her at our house weekly for tea and invite her to things. My mum used to come to my house to see her too as she isn’t allowed to see my brother as he made the decision to not be involved due to how toxic it was becoming.

Post the present or leave it on the doorstep. Back off from trying to contact her until she’s cooled down. Send a Christmas card and present. Then leave it for a month and then approach her again.

Although I know it’s not the same situation, I can never imagine me ever messaging SIL or MIL saying they don’t do enough and they can never see my children again. I just couldn’t do it. They rarely see them but I don’t feel resentful.

She turned very bitter when my brother met somebody new and constantly messaging his new girlfriend abuse. She wouldn’t even let him pick her up in her car, I think it just became too difficult.

I'd imagine that a lot of it is probably her relationship with your brother. Just try your best to keep the lines of communication open from your end and hopefully time will soften things.

I just feel I can probably never win in this situation.

Really difficult situation, not helpful of your brother to remove himself from the situation, her lashing out at you is probably her being hurt and as you say, bitter.
As others have said, maybe try and support her and keep communication open if you can. Does she have support of some kind? You may not be the best person to provide support but you could try from a distance. She probably didn't mean don't contact her, difficult for you, good of you to try and help.

Why didn't you or your children go to your Neice's party though?

Did the blocking etc happened after you didn't attend?

She has blocked me on social media and WhatsApp, hopefully when she decides to unblock me she will see my message. I will take the present round again today and just leave it there. I can’t imagine ever blocking somebody either.

No it happened before, I didn’t know what to do for the best tbh and felt it was best to leave her be.

I didn’t even know this woman before my niece came along, it was a very difficult situation, I really have tried.

Surely the same can apply to why she didn’t come to my daughters party? But I’m really not bothered.

My mum sent her quite a bit of money for her birthday and she didn’t even message her to say thank you.

Leave the present on the doorstep with a note if you feel you want to offer an olive branch. However I think she will probably just block you again at some point in the future so I think you have to accept the situation and move on.

So your brother doesn’t see his child?

No, it became really difficult as she was constantly ringing him shouting etc and it wasn’t a great environment for her to be a part of. She made it extremely difficult. He still pays her etc.

she says she suffers from a mental Illness where nobody is allowed to take her daughter out.

Write a note .....I'm sorry you feel I've been ignoring you that's not the case on my part....we were on holiday for x to y and then ......was in hospital....obviously the lead up to this and subsequent recovery meant I wasn't out and about or receiving visitors for awhile. Please give me a call.......

Then ball in her court.

If your brother has given up on the relationship with his own daughter, which he has. Then i'm not sure how you expected your own relationship with her to continue. It might not be what you want but that is the sad reality.