I don’t know what to do

[Eckers]

My nieces mum has blocked me on things after a bit of a row the other day, she was saying I don’t put any effort in to see her which really hurt me because I’ve always felt I did what could in the circumstances. It was my nieces birthday party yesterday and me and my children didn’t go as it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I have tried to drop off her birthday gift at her mums house but nobody was in after trying twice. I don’t know how to handle this, I have messaged her apologising but because I am blocked she won’t see it.

Your brother needs to take her to court for access. If she is as bad as you're making out, him abandoning his child like this for an easy life is utterly contemptible. Seriously what a scumbag. You should be NC with him never mind your DN.

write her a letter saying you have a present
but do no more

You keep excusing your brother’s decision to not be a part of his daughters life. He has abandoned his child. No matter how “toxic” a relationship with an ex has become, he should still be a father.
I think the attitude you have about this is disgusting. She must know you think your brother being an absent father is her fault. It’s no wonder your relationship with her has broken down.

I don’t have contact with my brother, we fell our a long time ago due to separate issues, he isn’t fit to be a father so I think she is better off without him anyway. I wouldn’t want my child around him. He was constantly out taking drugs and drinking. Besides the point, I think me and my mum are the innocent party in this as I honestly believe I have done what I can. She could have thanked us, she doesn’t get my children a card for their birthday. Why does she expect so much from us?

@Pjsandhotchoc don’t call
me disgusting until you know the full story.

I said your attitude to your brother abandoning his child is disgusting. You have said that he doesn’t have contact because the relationship between him and his ex was toxic. That’s no excuse.

I feel so awful saying this but she will have a much much better quality of life without him in it, he really did her a favour.

I dropped my nieces birthday present off ( left it at the door in the porch) not received a thank you

It sounds like a really tricky situation but I think you've done the right thing. It sounds like both parents have their issues so you can (at least try to) be a good, consistent presence in the child's life.

I do feel I have done what I can, a simple thank you for the gift would have been nice.

How old is your niece? I think you need to back off. Accept your brother's behaviour has soured the relationship.

What do I do about Christmas?

She is 4 now.

a simple thank you for the gift would have been nice

It’s too soon, whilst feelings are running so high. Don’t bear a grudge about that.

What do I do about Christmas

Post a card & present for each of them - not too over-the-top generous.