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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

44 replies

BaileyG · 27/11/2022 23:46

Who was unreasonable, Emma or Jane?

Jane has never been late with a birthday card for Emma's daughter. Emma has sometimes been late with a birthday card for Jane's daughter.

Recently for Emma's daughters birthday, Jane kept forgetting to pass the card in as she was away on holiday and then was really busy with a hospital emergency with a family member.

In the meantime, Jane's DH had been to Emma's house to help her DH with some DIY and back there 2 days later to drive them an hour away to collect something. Jane still forgot to give the birthday card to DH to pass in.

10 days after Emma's daughters birthday, the day after the above, Emma sends a message to Jane to say its gone too far now and it's disgusting that Emma's daughter hasn't had her present and she shouldn't be waiting this long. This caused a pretty big argument as Jane had genuinely forgot to pass this card in and had so much going on with the hospital that it just got overlooked. Remembering that Emma was often late with birthday cards but it was never an issue, Jane was always grateful no matter what.

Who was being unreasonable?
Emma: vote YABU
Jane: vote YANBU

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 27/11/2022 23:53

I don't have voting but I think Emma is being ridiculous.

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2022 23:56

Clearly Emma is being ridiculous.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/11/2022 23:57

As you are obviously Jane, you have given Jane's point of view. Emma thought you were lying either about having a card or couldn't be arsed to make sure the child got it. YABU

cookiesbeforepookies · 28/11/2022 00:01

WallaceinAnderland · 27/11/2022 23:57

As you are obviously Jane, you have given Jane's point of view. Emma thought you were lying either about having a card or couldn't be arsed to make sure the child got it. YABU

Bit of a reachConfused

Emma is a hypocrite and I think it’s time to stop doing cards and presents.

Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 00:03

WallaceinAnderland · 27/11/2022 23:57

As you are obviously Jane, you have given Jane's point of view. Emma thought you were lying either about having a card or couldn't be arsed to make sure the child got it. YABU

I am neither Emma or Jane, but family to both.

The above account is factual, the card was purchased in plenty of time but overlooked as explained above.

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 28/11/2022 00:59

It seems like rather a lot of drama over a card. Is it really that important?

wednesday32 · 28/11/2022 01:10

Advise that Emma and Jane don’t do cards/gifts going forward. It’s not worth the hassle

SavoirFlair · 28/11/2022 01:11

I’ve voted YABU for the children’s story format.

BeaLola · 28/11/2022 01:40

How old are the children in this story ?

knockyknees · 28/11/2022 02:54

Emma is clearly being unreasonable.

Are they your daughters or sisters?

stuntbubbles · 28/11/2022 03:00

I can never follow posts with names, for some reason: just say I did X, they did Y.

Anyway sounds like Emma is a twat. And why is it all Emma and Jane’s responsibility when Jane’s DH was there at the house, he could equally have remembered the card/present.

Does Emma’s daughter actually care her gift is a bit late? For various reasons – postal strike, illness – my nephew’s gift was six weeks late this year. He didn’t give a hoot: “It’s like extra birthday when it comes.”

Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 07:17

RobertaFirmino · 28/11/2022 00:59

It seems like rather a lot of drama over a card. Is it really that important?

Not to Jane its not.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 07:19

BeaLola · 28/11/2022 01:40

How old are the children in this story ?

7 and 8

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 28/11/2022 07:21

Jane’s husband is BU. Why couldn’t he pass the card on

Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 07:23

stuntbubbles · 28/11/2022 03:00

I can never follow posts with names, for some reason: just say I did X, they did Y.

Anyway sounds like Emma is a twat. And why is it all Emma and Jane’s responsibility when Jane’s DH was there at the house, he could equally have remembered the card/present.

Does Emma’s daughter actually care her gift is a bit late? For various reasons – postal strike, illness – my nephew’s gift was six weeks late this year. He didn’t give a hoot: “It’s like extra birthday when it comes.”

I'm not either of them to say I did X, they did Y.

Yes it was definitely on Jane's DH to remember as well, but the exact same he overlooked it while running around so busy including twice doing jobs for Emma and her DH.

I dont believe that Emma's daughter would have even realised, I believe that Emma was the one with the issue.

OP posts:
RedRosesPinkLilies · 28/11/2022 07:28

There will possibly be other bigger issues for these girls and mums as the daughters grow through adolescence/ young adulthood
And one day they may wish their problems centred on a birthday card. I think everyone should grow up.

Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 07:31

Rainbowqueeen · 28/11/2022 07:21

Jane’s husband is BU. Why couldn’t he pass the card on

Same as Jane, was on the same holiday, was at the same hospital emergency and then visiting the hospital repeatedly. It was on him to remember to take the card the twice he was at their house that week but each time he overlooked it and was rushing around between being at the hospital and doing stuff for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaileyG · 28/11/2022 07:42

RedRosesPinkLilies · 28/11/2022 07:28

There will possibly be other bigger issues for these girls and mums as the daughters grow through adolescence/ young adulthood
And one day they may wish their problems centred on a birthday card. I think everyone should grow up.

How would you suggest Jane, Jane's daughter or Emma's daughter grow up in this situation?

I posted the story for people's opinion, it's a genuine situation that happened between 2 family members. I think that Emma has been absolutely ridiculous, I also think that she has come across as ungrateful because a gift is not an expectation, it's a gift. I posted for votes to get a general idea of what I was feeling about the situation was the general similar feeling, or whether people would think that Emma was in the right.

Jane has carried on about her business, visiting family etc. Emma now won't visit the same family at the same time because she still thinks she's in the right.

OP posts:
Autumninnewyork · 28/11/2022 07:53

Emma is being ridiculous. Just agree not to do cards/presents and it won’t come up again. I am incredibly fond of many children of friends and family and simply couldn’t manage to do cards/presents for all so no one gets anything unless it’s a special birthday like 18. It’s just not worth the bother and upset and no one minds

bloodyplanes · 28/11/2022 07:53

Emma is acting like a spoilt child!

Discoh · 28/11/2022 07:55

Emma's a twat.

RhondaD · 28/11/2022 07:58

I'd like to vote that both Jane and Emma could teach their parents to be adults but there doesn't seem to be an option?

cookiesbeforepookies · 28/11/2022 07:59

RhondaD · 28/11/2022 07:58

I'd like to vote that both Jane and Emma could teach their parents to be adults but there doesn't seem to be an option?

Jane and Emma’s parents aren’t involved at all.

chikp · 28/11/2022 08:00

Utterly ridiculous. Emma should be embarrassed.

BessieSurtees · 28/11/2022 08:00

@BaileyG I believe that Emma was the one with the issue. of course you do, so why ask? The whole post is written in a way that makes Emma look unreasonable, it's hardly objective.