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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

some people are so horrible

27 replies

namechange27352 · 27/11/2022 18:31

Yesterday diving through town and myself and partner noticed a man in a wheelchair in the middle of the road going against the traffic and a man on a bike trying to squeeze between the man in a wheelchair and the curb. All the time cars are going passed him even waiting to go around him.

My partner got out of the car and helped him get back on to the pavement while i turned the car around. The man was in his mid 80s and found out he had his leg amputated 3 weeks ago and this was his 3rd trip out to the supermarket alone since it happened. He said 6 people had just walked past him not bothering to help and a lot more on the other side of the road. He said his shopping bags had broken which left him unable to try and mount the curb again, this was about 5pm so really dark by this point and could have been easily run over as no lights etc on his chair.

Partner then found out he lived in the town centre so took him home as he was freezing (partner said inanimate object cold). The wheelchair man was so thankful he was offering to buy partner a drink in the pub or some food.

AIBU to think that someone could have helped him at least get back on the pavement so disappointed in people.

OP posts:

Original poster

namechange27352 · 27/11/2022 18:47

why AIBU? bike man could have stopped for 1 minute to have helped him that's all it would have taken.

OP posts:

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 27/11/2022 18:54

why AIBU?

I think it's one of those posts where it's so obvious that someone should have helped the elderly, disabled man, that YABU to pose it as a question.

Chikapu · 27/11/2022 18:57

Of course someone should have helped him, I don't see how anyone could argue with that.

(partner said inanimate object cold)

What does that mean?

Original poster

namechange27352 · 27/11/2022 19:00

Chikapu · 27/11/2022 18:57

Of course someone should have helped him, I don't see how anyone could argue with that.

(partner said inanimate object cold)

What does that mean?

his hands were freezing he said when the man shook his hand it felt like a piece of wood cold.

OP posts:

DarkDarkNight · 27/11/2022 19:04

That’s awful. Some people these days are so wrapped up in their own lives. There are some good people, but lots of selfish gits too.

Pumperthepumper · 27/11/2022 19:07

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 27/11/2022 18:54

why AIBU?

I think it's one of those posts where it's so obvious that someone should have helped the elderly, disabled man, that YABU to pose it as a question.

I agree. It’s just a ‘look how good WE are’ thread.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 27/11/2022 19:11

If you want a pat on the back for doing the right thing then just say that, you don't have to post a thread hinting for some praise.

You did a nice thing for someone, well done.

Nobody is going to say you're unreasonable to help, or wish others helped.

Original poster

namechange27352 · 27/11/2022 19:12

Pumperthepumper · 27/11/2022 19:07

I agree. It’s just a ‘look how good WE are’ thread.

Show quote history

oh wow not that at all just feel so sad for the man and disappointed in humanity

OP posts:

honeybee43 · 27/11/2022 19:14

KitchiHuritAngeni · 27/11/2022 19:11

If you want a pat on the back for doing the right thing then just say that, you don't have to post a thread hinting for some praise.

You did a nice thing for someone, well done.

Nobody is going to say you're unreasonable to help, or wish others helped.

I think this comment sums up your title op. People are horrible.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 27/11/2022 19:20

honeybee43 · 27/11/2022 19:14

I think this comment sums up your title op. People are horrible.

Show quote history

Not horrible at all, op did a nice thing and wants a bit of praise for it 🤷🏻‍♀️ nothing bad about that.

It's just silly to ask if people were BU to ignore an 80yo guy in the cold and dark who was clearly struggling. Of course they were U to not help.

Nocutenamesleft · 27/11/2022 19:22

I’ve volunteered with the homeless now for over 25 years. I work every single week and I see this often. Many homeless are wheelchair bound and I’ve seen guys upturned and all sorts and people not helping.

LoveMyPiano · 27/11/2022 19:23

You aren't being unreasonable to think that someone could have helped him. It's a given surely.
But yes, some people are just indifferent to this kind of thing, so much so that i it does not even register with them that someone is struggling.
You may be "accused" of posting just to say they you and your husband helped him. But maybe it is worth highlighting, and good for both of you for helping out.

It's what I would have done.
For example, last winter I was out on my evening (dark, cold) bike ride. I passed an elderly lady near a bus stop that is non-operational after 5pm. I said hello, but she didn't respond and seemed to be lookig for something. Nosey parker that I am, I stopped and turned back and asked is she was OK.

She didn't even really seem to know where she was or when the bus might be along, so i asked her where she lived and if she needed to be taken home. My friend came in the car and he took my bike back home (not too far), and I drove her to the next village, where she lived in a very old farmhouse. She had shown me her bus pass, so I got her name, and the next day, I rang the GP surgery to inform them that she had been out alone and seemingly confused in the dark and cold. The GP called me back and told me that they would check on her (I got the impression that she needed to be looked after).
So there's my story of helping out a stranger (I think she has died now - the farmhouse is empty) and I never expected anyone to think I am wonderful, but not everyone is horrible and self-absorbed, although maybe a sad majority.
(From what I have seen.)

IhateJan22 · 27/11/2022 19:25

Do you not think sometimes people are that wrapped in their own thoughts that it doesn’t always register what they’re seeing? I’ve seen people on scooters drive on the road I’m not sure I’d register that they didn’t want to be there 🤷‍♀️

Notanotherone6 · 27/11/2022 19:27

It's not necessarily people being horrible. People are often too involved in their own lives to notice. Some people are scared of the repercussions of helping someone out. You can't judge.

The guy said six people had walked passed him. Did he ask any of them for help or just expect them to ask him? I'm sure someone would have helped if they were asked directly.

thekaratekid · 27/11/2022 19:39

Unfortunately this type of behaviour isn't new. I remember as a child of about 8 years old (25 years ago!) seeing an elderly woman trip and fall over as she went to cross the road at a busy junction. We were in the car waiting at traffic lights at the junction. Atleast 3 people walked past the lady lying on the floor (pretending not to see her), her hand reaching out for help...and people repeatedly ignored her.

My DM who was driving was about to go running out the car (abandoning it at a busy junction with 2 small dc in the back) when a businessman helped the lady up. By "helped" I mean he literally pulled her up off the floor and walked off.

I don't know what my point is, but people are self centred and oblivious...and it has always been the same. Your DH did a good thing and should be proud.

pictish · 27/11/2022 19:53

Did he ask any passers-by to help?

pictish · 27/11/2022 19:54

Seems daft not to.

Original poster

namechange27352 · 27/11/2022 20:00

pictish · 27/11/2022 19:53

Did he ask any passers-by to help?

tbh I'm not sure but could clearly see he was struggling his chair didn't have the handles to use he was trying to control it by using the wheels (small normal ones) and couldn't stay in a straight line. I'm not glory hunting it's just playing on my mind a lot since it happened, wishing now I had gone back and made him a cup of tea or something.

OP posts:

pictish · 27/11/2022 20:06

People aren’t horrible, they’re not paying attention. If he’d have asked for help someone (anyone) would have done so.

GiraffeCity · 28/11/2022 01:47

pictish · 27/11/2022 20:06

People aren’t horrible, they’re not paying attention. If he’d have asked for help someone (anyone) would have done so.

You don't have to be "paying attention" particularly to see this: you'd have to make a choice to decide to be blind deliberately in order not to do so.

Many people are utterly selfish and then try to justify it in spurious ways.

I am glad you helped him OP. And not surprised you are disgusted at those who walked/ drove past and pretended jot to see. They did. It's just easier for them and people like them to pretend that they didn't see, or attempt to imply you are a "virtue signaller" for giving a damn when most of them don't. People who behave like that wish to believe their behaviour is ok because "other people did too". 🙄

mackthepony · 28/11/2022 01:53

oh wow not that at all just feel so sad for the man and disappointed in humanity

You just can't win anymore op, can you!

LBFseBrom · 28/11/2022 02:04

Of course someone should have helped him but, more to the point, he only had the amputation three weeks ago and should have some sort of professional care to get him used to the wheelchair as well as other things. It's not right that he was discharged from hospital and then left to it, these things take time. I suppose if he has money he can hire someone but that should not be necessary! No doubt he worked and paid tax for years. Sheesh! Words fail me.

Anyway good for you and your husband for caring enough to stop and give him a helping hand.

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/11/2022 02:14

Unfortunately many people (and I count myself within this group) in larger towns and cities have become accustomed to beggars faking disability as a moneymaking strategy, often manipulated by gangmasters. As a result, I wouldn’t stop to help an apparently disabled man as I’d automatically think it was a ruse for a mugging. It’s a common tactic.

FrenFen · 28/11/2022 07:18

Bikers are a very selfish breed.

TheaBrandt · 28/11/2022 07:24

Dh got into trouble on a bike ride tried to flag down help all the 4x4 drivers ignored him lovely lady in tiny battered car stopped rang her partner who came in his van and took him to the bike shop. They were cyclists themselves though.

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