Meeting estranged father tomorrow after 11 years

[AlbertaAnnie]

Not so much a Aibu, but posed for traffic.
as the tile says seeing my father for the first time after zero contact for 11 years. His decision to end contact as I didn’t get on with his wife. I made the decision to reach out as I figure life is short but I’m feeling a bit nervous about seeing him. Has any one been in similar situation about how to proceed with first meeting after so long?

I wouldn’t have bothered personally.

I haven’t seen my father in 23 years and I never want to either. Good luck.

I wouldn't meet my father if he got on his knees and begged me. Useless individual that he is.

Your father chose someone else over you and that must've hurt. His aggression during your childhood is inexcusable. I hope you're ok when you meet him and that it's not too upsetting for you🙂

Thank you 💐

Thank you 🙏

Thank you again everyone for the support and kind words - I’m on my way to meet him now - I will update later with how it went

Good luck

Good Luck OP but don't get your hopes up. I met my absent Dad (Chose the OW over me when I was a few months old) when I was about 18. We had intermittent contact and meetings for a couple of years before I realised he personally was bringing nothing positive to my life so I made the decision to cut all contact, although I am still in contact with his Son, my half-brother.

His Wife died last year and I've heard on the family grapevine that he's been talking about regrets and remorse and how he messed everything up with me but as far as I'm concerned he's almost 40 years too late to have these regrets; and coincidentally only when she's no longer around, and I will not entertain speaking to him or seeing him ever again.

Good luck OP, I have a similar situation with Grandmother. No contact for 11 years after putting me through hell when my parents died. She's now meant to be quite poorly and would like to see me but I don't know how I feel about it.

I hope it goes well, sometimes it's just the last piece of the puzzle before you put it away for good.

People choose who they want to be around. He's chosen not to see you for 11 years.

You don't owe him a thing and by the sounds of it you're setting yourself up for a lot of hurt from a man who doesn't care. I'd cancel and leave him in your past.

Having your husband and dog to pick up the pieces sounds a good idea.

Good luck OP!

My FiL left for the OW when my husband was a teen. DH was complete NC for over 10 years, then reached out for a coffee one day and slowly they built the relationship back up. That was 20 years ago and they have a wonderful relationship now.

Just thought I'd throw that in, as although caution is wise, sometimes these things really do work out 😊Hope it does for you too!

Hello everyone! Just a little update. Meeting went ok - tried to keep conversation light and filled him what I had been doing ( work/uni etc) kept my expectations low and there was no apology or remorse from him. He basically said at the end that we could meet for coffee occasionally if I wanted but couldn’t have a deeper relationship than that if I wasn’t willing to include his wife ( I don’t want to go there - too much drama) so I said that’s his choice and we can meet occasionally for coffee. I was proud of myself and didn’t get emotional. I think I will try and keep in brief contact but not get too involved. Thank you again for all your replies!

Well done! A brave move with a decent result all things considered. You should be justifiably proud of yourself.

That sounds like it went brilliantly considering the backstory.

No need for so much negative comments, I saw my father again after the same length of time absent and we now have a really good relationship and he has a good relationship with my children also. He’s been extremely consistent and involved since being back in contact and we speak regularly so it can work out.

Did he express any interest in meeting your DC ?

men think with their dicks. Presumably their sex life has tailed off a bit so he can concentrate on other things (his children) now.

No surprises for you then. You've done it now, good for you. At least you're aware that his position won't change, and how he views your relationship.

Glad you feel it went OK.

Obviously we don't know the background, but disappointing that he's palming off all responsibility on you. He's essentially telling you to behave yourself and punishing you if you don't. Twat.

I don't think I'd bother any more if it were me.

Well done OP. You are very brave and gracious.

Well done. good to read your update.
You are a better person than me because to be honest I would tell him to stick his coffees if his new wife still comes first.
I know it’s not as simple as that though!

so i am meeting my dad after 11 years i have not seen him since i was to do yall have any ideas about what i should do

Do you need to start your own thread?