Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unforgivable

65 replies

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 15:35

Name changed but regular poster

Recently had a gender reveal, organised by my SIL, at their house.

Only my in-laws were there, (I had a separate reveal with my family)

Not such a fan of gender reveals etc and never had them for my previous DCs but we like a family get together and SIL said she would love to host.

Anyway, MIL arrived, stayed for around 15 mins after we all said hi etc, then got into a little heated discussion with her own daughter about something unrelated (not with my SIL who was hosting but another SIL), she then left, before we did the reveal, literally just stormed out and drove home!

She didn't even do a follow up call to say congratulations on the sex of the baby or acknowledge anything. My DH was quite upset that his mum did that, I've not gotten over it, but he has but I've and not spoken to her since. AIBU?

Just need some thoughts about it really

OP posts:
lap90 · 27/11/2022 15:56

What happened was unfortunate but not unforgivable.

Batshittery · 27/11/2022 15:56

I wouldn't have even attended if I was MIL. What is the point?
Why didn't you ring her after she left to see if she was ok after the argument?
If you're not a fan, why did you have 2?

So many questions! Confused

Original poster
GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 15:57

Where have posters got the idea that she was "upset"? She wasn't upset, she was annoyed, and went off in a huff.

OP posts:
Thehop · 27/11/2022 15:57

Sex reveals are more annoying than your MIL behaviour

Original poster
GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 15:58

@Batshittery Ask away..

Because like I said, it was an excuse for a get together Grin

OP posts:
ImissSclub7 · 27/11/2022 15:58

BotterMon · 27/11/2022 15:47

Gender reveals are unforgiveable.

Hehehe.
Well if you want to feel better OP. I never had a gender reveal for any of my DCs. Didn't have friends to organise one (and I didn't have people to invite if I did organise it myself). Lost contact with old friends and worked so much I couldn't socialise. My parents wouldn't have come (too busy) nor would I have expected them to. My MIL abroad and tends to only talk to my partner it's just her way, so I leave her to it. She's kind in a different way. Sending my DCs the odd gift. I'd not worry too much about it and try congratulate yourself instead.

luckylavender · 27/11/2022 15:59

I remember when this absurd tradition wasn't even a thing

EmilyGilmoresSass · 27/11/2022 16:00

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 15:57

Where have posters got the idea that she was "upset"? She wasn't upset, she was annoyed, and went off in a huff.

If you were my dil I would be too. How do you know she wasn't upset?

Original poster
GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:00

Like I said in a earlier post, if it was my own mum, who walked out in a mood, I would be gutted! I'd literally be really upset that she missed it.

And, the congratulations, I could have worded it a bit better but,
"Oh another boy, how lovely"- follow up call would have been nice, but nothing afterwards, this is what upset my DH.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 27/11/2022 16:02

A bit me me me… she had an argument and didn’t want to stay. That’s between her and sil.
i assume she congratulated you when you first told her that you are pregnant? Maybe she doesn’t care whatever sex this grandchild is?

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 16:02

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:00

Like I said in a earlier post, if it was my own mum, who walked out in a mood, I would be gutted! I'd literally be really upset that she missed it.

And, the congratulations, I could have worded it a bit better but,
"Oh another boy, how lovely"- follow up call would have been nice, but nothing afterwards, this is what upset my DH.

Maybe she feels it would have been nice of you to check up on her, rather than making it all about you 🙄

TumbleFryer · 27/11/2022 16:03

You mean sex, not gender.

Original poster
GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:04

@TumbleFryer No, it was a gender reveal, they're not called sex reveals, sorry!

OP posts:
ImissSclub7 · 27/11/2022 16:04

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:00

Like I said in a earlier post, if it was my own mum, who walked out in a mood, I would be gutted! I'd literally be really upset that she missed it.

And, the congratulations, I could have worded it a bit better but,
"Oh another boy, how lovely"- follow up call would have been nice, but nothing afterwards, this is what upset my DH.

I hear you. If you look at the stately homes thread you see a lot of instances where parents aren't very nice when their adult children are pregnant (lack of warmth and congratulations etc). I know you want people to be happy for you, it's normal. Sometimes it just doesn't happen and you have to be your own cheerleader. I've had to lower my expectations to almost zero with my parents. Everyone is different aren't they? I'm not angry with them but I think it's a shame and I just don't expect anything anymore. That way i don't get upset.

Original poster
GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:05

Ok, points taken, that's why I posted, maybe thinking too much into it, I still think it was shitty of her though

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 27/11/2022 16:05

Gender reveals are ridiculous, whatever next - name reveal? It's ridiculous to be concerned about a mother and daughter arguing.

RandomMusings7 · 27/11/2022 16:10

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:04

@TumbleFryer No, it was a gender reveal, they're not called sex reveals, sorry!

They should be.

Pleasecreateausername13 · 27/11/2022 16:23

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:05

Ok, points taken, that's why I posted, maybe thinking too much into it, I still think it was shitty of her though

It was shitty, don’t think anyone’s disputing that.

But it’s happened and it’s not a big deal. Move on. Enjoy your pregnancy.

jetadore · 27/11/2022 16:25

You said you’re not that fussed about reversals so why do you care if she left early. Her behaviour was rude though.

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2022 16:27

GreenCurt · 27/11/2022 16:04

@TumbleFryer No, it was a gender reveal, they're not called sex reveals, sorry!

The point being is that the baby has a sex, not a gender.
Whatever it's called

VladmirsPoutine · 27/11/2022 16:27

Gender reveal party? Grin ok.

TidyDancer · 27/11/2022 16:27

If she'd had a row with someone and was in a bad mood she did the right thing in removing herself from the situation. It wasn't ideal and was a bit rude but it isn't a big deal at all imo. Give her a ring and have a catch up. If you've ignored her attempts to speak to you then apologise as well. But don't give this any further attention, it doesn't need to be an ongoing drama.

PinkSyCo · 27/11/2022 16:39

You’re supposed to congratulate people on the sex of their baby now??? As for your MIL walking out of the party maybe she had good reason to. Did you or your DH call her to check she was ok? If not, maybe she assumed that you took SIL’s side or just didn’t care.

Testina · 27/11/2022 16:48

I think you have an odd interpretation of “unforgivable” and a odd interpretation of when you congratulate someone.

GabriellaMontez · 27/11/2022 16:53

BotterMon · 27/11/2022 15:47

Gender reveals are unforgiveable.

Especially when you're not even into them.