He lied about who he's slept with?

[purpleviolet1987]

Me & my ex have just started talking again, we spent a wonderful 2 days as a family for DS's Birthday. He was amazing, helped to no end with arranging the party.
Keeps telling me how much he loves me & has missed me, that he's proud of how much I've done to make DS's birthday so magical.
However, on the phone last night he confessed he slept with 3 people while we were broken up. I too had been with other people, of which I was upfront & honest about it. He made me feel so dirty & shameful for a good year, constantly brought it up in an argument. Turns out he is no better than me!
The people he slept with happened a year ago, but I have asked him so many times & given him to opportunity to be honest.

Am I being unreasonable to be more upset that he has lied for this long? I also found out he was talking to a girl he swore he thought was 'disgusting' & 'fat'. It's the lies I can't deal with.

Please help, I feel like this information has ruined the last few days.

Please help, I feel like this information has ruined the last few days.

I’d be grateful that this information has come to light now and has stopped you reconciling with this prick.

Seriously stop entertaining this man as suitable for a relationship.
Firstly he can talk to whoever he likes, regardless of her appearance and she doesn’t deserve to be the subject of ridicule or judgment in your stupid relationship.
His lies?
What are they?
That he had sex with someone he was previously rude and vile about?
And that tells you what about him?
That he’s a true gentleman and a respectful and responsible adult?
He made you feel bad for having sex when you were single…?
Hes a misogynistic cunt.
But you already know that and are fine with him treating you like shit so long as he “helps” with his own children.
Father and man of the year award for him…

@LittIe When I got upset last night he just brought up the people I had been with.
Deflection is just the worst, trying to make his own guilt feel better.

What is there to feel guilty about?

Why are you discussing who you were with when broken up? It doesn't even matter and is your own personal business.

He made me feel so dirty & shameful for a good year, constantly brought it up in an argument.

He's your ex for a reason. The nonsense above is all the reason in the world to keep him an ex. This relationship will never work.

@Aquamarine1029 Honestly, because he called me on the way back from the pub saying he had been sat with someone I had slept with & it got him upset. The conversation went from there.

Sounds like this has confirmed why he is an ex

Why are you both making each other feel bad about people you have been with when you were not together. It's irrelevant.

As far as I can tell, he has nothing to feel guilty about and of course neither do you. He is an ex. Maybe stop might be best to stop chatting about your sex lives.

Stop wasting your time, op. This is doomed.

Why in the name of holy hell are you supplying YOUR EX with information about who you have slept with, post split?

FFS it is none of his business.
Stop serving yourself up on a plate, for him to tear apart & devour.

Neither of you are wrong for having slept with other people while separated. But its clear you aren’t compatible. Use this new found friendship to focus on coparenting your child together better and leave him as an ex.

He was amazing, helped to no end with arranging the party.
Don't applaud a fish for swimming.
DS's birthday is half his responsibility. What's amazing about his doing even half the work for it? Why do you view any contribution to running his own son's party as "helping" you?

Me & my ex have just started talking again, we spent a wonderful 2 days as a family for DS's Birthday.
You want to be back in a relationship with ex, don't you?
DON'T DO IT.
He is a misogynistic prick with revolting double standards.

Don't applaud a fish for swimming

That is a fantastic line!

Still arguing - I can't believe I thought we could be a family again.

He's relentless, I wish I could video him and play it back to him and show him what a narcissistic bellend he is being.

He knows he's in the wrong and that's why he's being a wanker.

By that I mean lying about sleeping with anyone but shaming you for it. Awful behaviour.

Just leave it now. He's stamped on your self esteem for something that he did as well fgs.

He’s an ex for a reason. Remember that.
Get back with him and he will throw this argument in your face. Over and over.
Walk away, discuss only matters relating directly to your dc. And sleep with men who don’t gossip with your ex!!

So he shames you for having sex with other people when you were single and free to have sex with whoever you liked, tells lies, keeps bringing up history to create drama in the present and talks about other women in a derogatory way?

Seriously why are you considering reconciling with this pig of a man? Let him go.

You’re just being a martyr now.

You’re obviously getting something out of this exchange to say you’ve spent your Sunday engaging with him. Most likely, you enjoy the attention from him, even though it’s negative.

Move on with your life.

If you weren't together, it doesn't matter. Why are either of you even bringing it up.

LTB

Quite.

I am not sure why you are even entertaining all this. You've got rid of him once, and he's showed you he's not improved in the slightest, yet you are still hanging in there. Step away from all the drama and focus on coparenting your children (assuming they are shared) instead.

I haven't been entertaining it, I muted the conversation. Only to find a string of messages saying he can't believe I haven't got the balls to speak to him on the phone.

He's just completely reverted back, it's honestly so mentally exhausting. I already have an extremely hyper child taking up 99% of my energy, and then for him to be going on and fucking on about something that happened two fucking years ago is sending my head into overdrive. I don't feel right at all, my heads pounding, I'm irritable, I just want to cry and scream at everyone to just leave me alone.

I wish I hadn't let him back in, he hoovered his way so classically and I'm such a stupid idiot for falling for it yet again.
It was honestly like some sort of fairy tale the last few days, I couldn't believe how wonderful he was being. Then two pints at his local, bumps into an old friend, suddenly everything comes right back up again.

My head actually hurts writing this. It's anger to the point I don't feel angry, just numb. Like how can someone keep going over and getting upset about the same thing?

He has told me he is in bed crying & im nasty for not speaking to him.

I've told him a lot of home truths today, and been quite vile actually. I've been pushed to the point of no return.

OP - it's up to you to stop this toxic merry-go-round. Not that it's very merry.

Get some co-parenting software. www.parents.com/parenting/best-co-parenting-apps/
Message him to tell him you have done so, & give him his account details.
Then block him EVERYWHERE else.

Then stop giving him any headspace.
have you done The Freedom Programme yet?

Haha they always shagging the ones they slag off,standard fuck boy behaviour. You need to get yourself some higher standards.