To be absolutely SICK of being a mother?

[ChrisTrepidation]

I mean I love them but I am just absolutely over being a mum right now.

I have four year old twins. Dad buggered off when they were 15 months old and now has nothing to do with us (save sending his maintenance every month, which barely touches the sides)

I'm fed up with the constant exhaustion, the never ending heart racing anxiety of trying to get everything organised, remember everything and keep them alive. I'm fed up with never having time to relax cos once they're in bed I've got the house to tidy/stuff to sort out. Then it's 10pm and I've got to go to bed myself. I'm fed up with the isolation of being a lone parent. I'm fed up with always having to consider them first, every fucking time. I'm fed up of being grumpy and short tempered and worrying I'm a shit mum who's going to scar them for life. They've had me awake since 5.30am and I've got to go to work for ten hours later on. I don't even know how I'm going to get through my shift without crying.

It's just endless and relentless. Now Christmas is on the way and I feel every more pressure to make stuff perfect for them. It's just all such bullshit. This will be my life for God knows how many fucking years yet. I can't do it!

@ChristmasisRuined there’s always one. Why are so many on Mumsnet just so desperate to criticise others’ posts?

so tedious.

I need a proper rest and I know I'm not getting one for at least 14 years

You're catastrophising with this sentence! You won't have to wait till they're 18. Mine are 12/14....for the past couple of years, they have both embraced the joy that is a lie in at the weekends! I sleep in too..they don't disturb me. Sometimes i nap during the day while they're watching TV or playing Xbox! Ok, I'm not on holiday on my own in the Maldives, but I'm rested!

It will be hair but once they are 7 ish you can pop a film on for them and let them play together whilst you take a rest. 0-5 is gruelling

You're amazing OP. Sounds very bl oo dy hard.

Get that SOS sickie day you need. Much older generations relied on Sunday Schools for the same thing - getting that extra hour in the morning during the weekend as a bare minimum. Doesn't have to be that, but see if there's a way of hacking an extra hour just for you a couple of times a week. Just being you again for an hour a week can work wonders.

Of course you’re not unreasonable. Christmas is often shit for parents with babies.
I would say it gets better - which it does - but you probably just need to ride the wave right now and try to get some time to yourself whenever you can get some help.

Sorry you’re having a rough one!