...to believe that as parents we have responsibilities, not rights, to our children?

[ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou]

Not sure how much backdoor to give, but last week received furious messages and a blistering call from exH because he wanted to talk to the children on the phone and DS had basically locked himself in the loo with a book.

ExH's premise was that I was 'blocking access to the children'.
He had then EOW as agreed, plus I have said numerous times that if he wants to see them on the in between weekends or during the week to let me know and we can arrange it if we're free.

Our agreements were all done between ourselves, there's no child visitation order or whatever it's called. If the kids want to talk to their dad (and it's not a prevarication method half an hour after lights out) then I hand them my phone and let them call. I often prompt them to call him when somethings happened (class trophy etc).

Sometimes he calls/ messages asking for a call randomly. I don't always see the message because evenings are chaos. When I see the message, providing the kids are awake, not about to go to sleep and not out of the house at an activity, I ask them if they want to talk to dad.

Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. They're very much focused in the moment and don't always want to do what they're doing to call their father. I think it's a positive thing because it means they're secure.

In his head I am deliberately blocking access to them and should, I'm not sure, make then call him? He expounded loudly on how he has rights. He didn't specify exactly, but presumably rights to talk to his children whenever he's sad and lonely and it suits him? I dunno. I always believed we had responsibilities, not rights. AIBU?

I'm wondering about seeing up a regular phone call so they call to talk to him at X time once or twice a week and all the ad hoc shit stops. Not sure if that would placate him or infuriate him farther. I suspect someone has been in his ear winding him up about the whole thing. I've not heard him ranting about rights previously. It's not a welcome departure.

We live an hour apart.

How old is your Son? Is your EOW arrangement from Friday till Monday? Can your ex do any overnight stays during the week?

Even if you was to go to court OP for a C.A.O the judges are big on flexibility why does a phone call have to be so rigid? 1 hours drive is not too bad.

Son is 10. Weekends are Friday to Sunday evening (ex's choice. He use to drop them off Sunday afternoon so he could do his 'long bike ride'.) He's busy a lot in the evenings and I have no oversight of his schedule.

Scheduled calls would make sense so he knew the kids were available but also vice versa. What with his running, bike riding, extra curricular lessons and social engagements I'm never quite sure when he's going to be around.

So basically he can’t be arsed to commit to a decent contact routine, doesn’t want to forego the flexibility to do whatever he wants and have endless free time, but he expects you to make the children speak with him whenever he chooses regardless of what you may or may not be doing.

He’s a prick. An hour is nothing. If he was so desperate to maintain a good relationship with his kids he could easily make more time to see them. He’s doing the absolute bear minimum in committing to EOW only. Not surprised the kids don’t feel the need to talk to him on demand.

You ask them if they want to talk to dad? Seriously? I’m no spring chicken but my mum wouldn’t ask me if I want to talk to dad. She tell me my dad is on the phone for me and hand it to me. I think you are going about things in the wrong way. This is the sort of decision you make for your child. It seems a cop-out to get your child to make the decision, a bit lazy. If they make a big fuss, that’s a different matter, but you should have the authority to say, ‘This is what is happening’ and they acquiesce when there is no particular problem with speaking to dad, they’re just not in the mood.