AIBU To Think That The Chalet School Matron Would Be In Prison Nowadays

[TheShellBeach]

..........................for giving unprescribed sedatives to the girls so frequently.

(lighthearted) (in case a million people tell me that IABU)

The Chalet School Matron was forever doling out sedatives to the girls, without even asking Jack Maynard to prescribe them first.
Shocking stuff. Nowadays, she would be jailed and struck off the NMC Register.

Also, I think she wore frilly petticoats to jump over some candles for one of those deeply bizarre staff evenings that make you realise this was a school in the middle of nowhere where making your own jigsaws for kicks was the most fun you could have on winter evening, and set her nether regions on fire.

That might be the worst example of victim blaming ever written, in fairness.

Where was the Heath 'n Safety assessment Elinor? Fucking nowhere.

Yes, Rex Milligan, that's the chap, I've got a whole shelf of Anthony Buckeridge books and they are hilarious. I wish there were more audio versions, there's only six or so unabridged and a few abridged.

Also, she was Prussian. Perhaps that was worse than raw meat?

Natürlich - they were (almost) in Bavaria.

Can I recommend the Bramber Manor books by Joanna Lloyd? Absolutely hilarious. Jane Runs Away From School is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

I loved that one, too.

But my all-time favourite was the chaos with Jack Carr's car jack.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I will never forgive Joey for leaving Rufus behind when she fled Austria!
Thank goodness for the school handyman, who I think may have been referred to as simple, for getting him to Britain.

That might be the worst example of victim blaming ever written, in fairness

I believe there is a worse example of victim-blaming. Valerie Gardiner is kidnapped, drugged, and held for almost a week, before being returned to the CS. She had been mistaken for another girl (Flavia Ansell).

Anyway - Valerie was chastised, told off, almost expelled and otherwise made to feel even worse - because she'd run up to the San to see her brother without asking for permission, so nobody knew where she was, and therefore it was her own fault she was kidnapped on the way back to the school.

Miss Annersley, on the other hand, fainted when Valerie was finally returned to the school by her abductor and she then spent a fortnight in bed on sedation, on Jack's strict orders.

This is in the idiotic Redheads of the Chalet School, which also contains a scene where Len jumps through a window with Bruno the dog, and stops Miss Annersley from being shot.

I mean FFS.

Ah yes. Jockel the Simpleton.

When it comes to the Swiss books, past a certain point, I can't even. 🤦‍♀️

Talk about jumping the shark (in a series no stranger to jumping the shark). But at this point, losing it entirely.

I blame Jem and Madge for that. To be fair to Joey she never went back to the school after fleeing through the tunnel so she didn't have a choice. But they just sauntered off to England having sold the buildings at a good price to one of the American millionaires without a thought for the dog despite the fact it was Madge who looked after him most of the time.

The speedboat scene is up there.

Talking of trousers reminds me of a passage in one of the earliest books.

It refers to two of the mistresses being dressed in "climbing knickers" and I just cannot get the obvious image out of my head.

I have never understood why the food Joyce et al consumed at the midnight feast caused her to be so ill.

It was only cake, jam and sardines, and a share of a tin of condensed milk.

I eat that for my tea every evening.

Yet Joyce was so sick that she had to be carried to the San on her mattress, and Matey nearly gave her brandy. She did give her sal volatile, which would have caused more vomiting in my opinion.

Matron's answer to this bout of food poisoning was to give the girls affected a large dose of castor oil. Because one thing you really need when you've got diarrhoea is a hefty laxative.

The speedboat scene is insane. How the fuck does Kathy Ferrars manage to avoid the collision and stop her boat from being T-boned by the speedboat, while simultaneously leaping into the speedboat and taking over the controls.

BTW were the two boys who were the culprits in this debacle whipped or otherwise thrashed?

I’m imagining the sheer boggle of the readers who never made it much beyond the war.

I would love to see the Ofsted report for the Chalet school.

Think that there was also raw bacon at the Joyce/Thekla midnight feast, that could do it .

It really couldn’t! It’s just like Parma ham.

I'm sure there was a MN thread on that very topic several years ago!

But then do Ofsted inspect British schools overseas? Genuinely no idea.

They inspect the British State schools (like the Forces schools and nurseries). Dont think they are bothered by international schools... maybe the government in the host country is responsible for their safeguarding etc?

Thank you for this thread,
I loved the Chalet school books when I was young, and have loved all the fan-fic since (incl the most controversial, 'The Chalet Girls Grow Up'!)
For the pp with the theory about WW2 slowing down Jo's fecundity... she only had "the Trips" by the time Jack came home from Mauritius and then managed to conceive Stephen during the War. All the other children (another seven, as I remember) came along later...

Someone commented earlier about workmen using toilets. I don't think they had toilets at the Chalet School. They had places called "splasheries" and they had the bathrooms upstairs by the dorms, but I don't remember a single mention of a lavatory/ WC in any of the entire series of books!

As is professor Richardson getting lost in space.

But only Thekla ate it and she wasn't ill.

And the pink worm.

This seems to have been a widespread health fad. The American humorous poet Ogden Nash denounced it rather thoroughly:

Jonathan Jukes is full of health,

And he doesn't care who knows it

Others may exercise by stealth.

But he with a cry of Prosit!

Others put up with coated tongues.

And shoulders narrow and droopy;

Jonathan overinflates his lungs

With a thundering shout of Whoopee!

Jonathan's noise is healthy noise,

Jonathan's joys are healthy joys,

Jonathan shuns the primrose path.

And starts the day with an icy bath.

I might forgive the super-physique

Contained in the Jukes apparel;

The apple glowing in either cheek;

The chest like< an oyster barrel;

The muscles that flow like a morning stream.

The result of applied eugenics;

The rigorous diet, the stern regime

Of arduous calisthenics;

I can pardon most of the healthy joys,

I can pardon most of the healthy noise,

But Heaven itself no pardon hath

For the man who boasts of an icy bath.

If the Missing Links were vigorous chaps

And their manly deeds were myriad.

Must civilization then relapse

Back to the glacial period?

Humanity learns at a fearful price;

Must the lessons all be lost?

Does the locomotive feed on ice?

Is the liner propelled by frost?

One constant truth mankind has found

Through fire and flood and slaughter:

The thing that makes the wheels go round

Is plenty of good hot water.

And therefore, therefore, Jonathan Jukes,

You deserve the harshest of harsh rebukes;

You and your frigid daily bath

Are blocking civilization's path.

You think of yourself as Spartan and spunky?

So, Jonathan, is the old brass monkey.