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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why I am so scruffy

60 replies

Meeshy2 · 26/11/2022 08:59

Everybody else I know has everything in order, my house is an unorganised mess! We have random drawers in the kitchen just full of crap. I just shove things in my cupboards and I can’t seem to keep tidy. What is my problem? Things are unfinished and we don’t really have the money to get a new kitchen. It’s really getting me down.

OP posts:
Giggorata · 26/11/2022 10:42

Marchitectmummy · 26/11/2022 09:08

Everyone would be like that if they didn't clear put regularly. I don't agree with sending usable things to the tip and make your buying habits an environmental problem. Put on marketplace for free anything usable. Don't want lots or people coning to collect just bundle together and it will be taken in minutes

I agree with this. So much recyclable stuff going into landfill.
Depending what it is, why not try posh or basic charity shops, Freecycle, food banks, car boot sales.

If things are going to get as bad as everyone is saying, perhaps people would be glad of items, even if they are a bit used.
It certainly was the case when I was skint.

Fairislefandango · 26/11/2022 10:45

My problem isn't really that I have too much stuff. I'm pretty good at getting rid of things as I'm not very emotionally attached to stuff. I'm just disorganised and untidy and I hate doing housework!

NotMeNoNo · 26/11/2022 10:52

Good storage.

Also you have to ask, where is it coming from ? Why do you have too much usable stuff? Can't you resist picking up a few household bits at the supermarket? DC hobbies or things made at school? Things saved for "useful" like biscuit tins? Excess of well meaning presents?

Try to stop the incoming flood as throwing away good stuff just to replace with something cuter is a cycle of waste. Also try to buy better If you can afford. I'm shocked at the people replacing toasters etc every few years.

ittakes2 · 26/11/2022 10:57

Google inattentive adhd

thinkponk48 · 26/11/2022 11:00

I joined a local freebay Facebook page. I was shocked at the stuff people would happily take. I cleared out so much stuff

Meeshy2 · 26/11/2022 11:19

I googled it and I don’t think I can relate, I never forget to call somebody back or pay bills etc.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 26/11/2022 11:22

Me neither, OP. I'm pretty familiar with adhd traits, being a teacher, and I definitely don't fit the profile.

bellac11 · 26/11/2022 11:22

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 26/11/2022 09:14

🙄 ffs. Can't anyone just be lazy or messy on Mumsnet, without being diagnosed with ADHD?

(Also awaits misdiagnosis of early onset dementia)

Was going to say the same

But thats only due to my having sociopathic personality disorder.

BosaNova · 26/11/2022 11:27

The "random stuff" drawers are actually secret to keeping house tidy.
You just need to figure out systems of the least resistance.
Random mess drawer, dedicated shelf for x and y. My mum was clean freak and random mess drawers were saviours😁

People need to stop randomly diagnosing others online. You can be chaotic and messy without being ADHD!

Buteverythingsfine · 26/11/2022 11:31

I am like this OP. I simply don't have good organizational skills. I'm very good at my work, but at home I let my drawers go to rack and ruin. I have done clearouts, I have reorganized things with labels and files, but I forget immediately where they are or where to put the stuff and I find it all a year later. As someone said, though, I may not spend enough time on this. I just don't seem to see how things could be arranged/where things go. I don't have ADHD and manage admin stuff fine, usually by doing direct debits, I do often double-book myself even with a calendar, I actually forget I have a calendar!

I have a friend who is the opposite, her house is a pleasure to visit, they have lists of food when it runs out, chore rota, everything is organized. She also does this as a job. I think it's fantastic but would find this would be a f/t job for me, so choose not to prioritise it.

I work in a demanding job, requiring a lot of thinking/writing, and have just had to accept I can't have the house I want unless I sacrifice a couple of hours of day to cleaning/tidying and I'm not prepared to do that. Have cleaner occasionally instead and keep cupboard doors shut! I also do file important docs (e.g. passports) all in a metal box.

I would work out the priority things to organize and forget the rest.

Toomanysleepycats · 26/11/2022 11:31

I am quite an organised person and like a tidy home.

I had no trouble keeping the house nice before children, but really struggled after.

Now they have moved out, my home is easily kept tidy again.

AltheaVestr1t · 26/11/2022 11:32

Meeshy2 · 26/11/2022 08:59

Everybody else I know has everything in order, my house is an unorganised mess! We have random drawers in the kitchen just full of crap. I just shove things in my cupboards and I can’t seem to keep tidy. What is my problem? Things are unfinished and we don’t really have the money to get a new kitchen. It’s really getting me down.

My home is really tidy but I still have random drawers full of crap. That's what drawers are for!!

Fairislefandango · 26/11/2022 11:34

People need to stop randomly diagnosing others online. You can be chaotic and messy without being ADHD!

Yep. People also need to stop furiously assuming that anyone who criticises armchair diagnoses of adhd thinks that adhd doesn't exist or is very uncommon.

Want2beme · 26/11/2022 11:35

Tackle one area or one thing (a drawer, a cupboard, a surface), at a time. Don't put pressure on yourself with deadlines, just potter away at it. Whilst that's going on, be conscious of everything that's brought into the house. Does it have a place? Be ruthless with your "stuff" and don't hold on to things for the sake of it. I'm an extremely tidy person, so it's easy for me. You can make your home how you want it to be, just do it at your own pace. Don't compare yourself to others. We all work in different ways.

the80sweregreat · 26/11/2022 11:36

One room at a time and be ruthless
I am starting to hold on to things, but they only end up back in the cupboard or drawer and dont really enhance anyone's life.

AltheaVestr1t · 26/11/2022 11:37

I do think that house organisation/cleanliness/tidiness is a matter of habit. My house is always tidy, and the expectation is that everyone keeps it so, so everyone (with the exception of 11yo DD who is a messy little bugger) does their bit as a matter of course. Daily, I don't spend a lot of time cleaning and tidying. Maybe 10 mins in the morning after breakfast. We all spend 10-20 mins after dinner cleaning up the kitchen and set the front room straight before we go to bed. Clean as we go - you use it, you tidy up. I spend a lot less time on this than friends who's houses are considerably less organised!

ShimmeringShirts · 26/11/2022 11:49

I can be like this. I’ve spent the last week ruthlessly throwing things out, especially things that don’t have a place to stay. If I’ve not used it, wore it or even thought about it in the last 6 months it’s gone in the bin. Don’t waste your time sorting out for charity/marketplace selling because then it just lays around even longer. Get some black bags and bin it all.

LikeTearsInRain · 26/11/2022 11:50

Meeshy2 · 26/11/2022 08:59

Everybody else I know has everything in order, my house is an unorganised mess! We have random drawers in the kitchen just full of crap. I just shove things in my cupboards and I can’t seem to keep tidy. What is my problem? Things are unfinished and we don’t really have the money to get a new kitchen. It’s really getting me down.

Watch some Marie Kondo

If it inspires you to sort out your clothes then that’s a start. Can tackle one room (or even area of a room e.g. a set of kitchen drawers) at a time over as many weeks, months or years as you need

Nancienoo · 26/11/2022 11:51

This is me 😂even tho this morning I did a full clean need to de-clutter

OkOkOkOkOkOk · 26/11/2022 12:02

Meeshy2 · 26/11/2022 11:19

I googled it and I don’t think I can relate, I never forget to call somebody back or pay bills etc.

I have ADHD and I don't forget to pay bills or call people.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 26/11/2022 12:31

We spent a few weekends going through every drawer and cupboard in the house. Must have thrown away/donated 40% of our homes contents.

Then we came up with where everything 'belonged' from then on and storage solutions to keep them neat.

It took some work but it makes upkeep pretty easy!

monsteronahill · 26/11/2022 12:49

Anthea Turner and Marie Kondo + The Home Edit saved my life with this sort of issue! I combine all three, Marie Kondo helps me declutter, the home edit helps me organise and Anthea is just a domestic goddess.

Be ruthless - get rid of useless things, if you've got drawers or cupboards of clutter that you're shoving things into, you can't need all of it. Bin what you don't need - don't buy random things for the sake of it. Systems everywhere! Systems for organising the kitchen, cleaning products, drawers everything. If everywhere has a place, there's no need to shove it anywhere - it has a home!

I also have a rule of if doing something takes 5 minutes or less then I do it right away and won't wait, eg. Folding a quick pile of clothes, emptying the dishwasher. It keeps things from building up and becoming unmanageable. The mantra of "don't put it down put it away" also repeats in my head 😂 that's why everything needs a place!

It keeps my house how I like it, friends comment on how clean / organised it is - but it's just little habits I've built up and make sure I don't let it slip. I think it helps that my DH is also very clean and tidy! So it's two people making the effort not working against each other.

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 26/11/2022 13:20

I’ve got adhd. The most crucial things are decluttering and having a place for everything. Otherwise you just keep looking at the mess, picking random things up and not knowing where to put them so you put them down again.

Once you e got that sorted, you need to never put things down where they’re not meant to be, thinking you’ll do it later. And don’t make the mistake of thinking that it shouldn’t be so difficult, therefore you’re doing it wrong. It is quite hard work keeping a home tidy, even with the best systems in place.

But on the other hand don’t make the mistake of thinking that everything will take so long that there’s no point. You can do loads in five minutes. Set a timer, do five mins then have a sit down. Repeat🙂

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 26/11/2022 13:22

The (very old) book, Sidetracked Home Executives is really good….like Flylady but better because everything is hand written on index cards so you don’t have the barrier of having to print lists and you can add things more easily.

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 26/11/2022 13:24

Fairislefandango · 26/11/2022 11:34

People need to stop randomly diagnosing others online. You can be chaotic and messy without being ADHD!

Yep. People also need to stop furiously assuming that anyone who criticises armchair diagnoses of adhd thinks that adhd doesn't exist or is very uncommon.

Exactly…..and don’t underestimate how long autistic and adhd people have spent studying autism and ADHD! I can assure you that it’s often hundreds and hundreds of hours longer than your GP