To not want to go on this holiday?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Before I start, I do realise how lucky I am and this is a first world problem.

Me and dh have 3 dds - 21, 19 and 15. Youngest is on the autistic spectrum and last year had some mental health/anxiety issues resulting in erratic school attendance.

In the summer of 2021 we started to think about a Christmas family holiday, probably the last one as a family of 5. Older two were very keen, they still enjoy spending time with us. We originally booked Gran Canaria for Christmas 2021 but then had to change the destination as dd1 is unvaccinated (severe needle phobia). We booked for Mexico instead. However we then postponed to this year, partly because of Omicron and partly due to dd3's poor health (plus she was not getting on at all well with dd1 (understatement of the year)).

Fast forward - we are now due to have this holiday this year. Last Christmas was much better timing for all of us - it was my 50th birthday in January so partly a celebration of that, and no-one was doing any important exams.

I had hoped that dd3's mock GCSEs would be in December (as they were last year) but it turns out they are in January and she is stressed with all the revision she will need to do. We get back on 30th December and first exam is on 5th Jan.

Dd2 also has uni exams in January which are more important than last year as she is now in her second year. And dd1 is in her last year and has a dissertation she needs to work on.

Dd3 said to me she is worrying about her mocks and doesn't think she'll be able to relax and enjoy the holiday.

All in all, I feel a bit meh about going long haul now the timing isn't great and now that covid restrictions have lifted so there are more options for us.

Honestly, a good dose of sunny weather in December will do you all good.

Really? I'm not being unfair on dd3 taking her on holiday just before mocks?

Surely DD3 can revise on holiday?

If they put the hard work in now, a sunny holiday will do them good.

She can and she will and will definitely take revision materials. She's just worried it's not one thing or the other - ie trying to revise on holiday AND enjoy the holiday and not doing either satisfactorily.

It’s Christmas, reassure your dd that everyone else will have days where they don’t work over this holiday too. Maybe go through a holiday itinerary and identify some time that she knows she will be able to use for revision and some time that she knows she can forget about it.

Honestly I'd go- she can still do some revision on the holiday and there's still a few days when you get back as well

Hi OP I understand your worries, I don't want to be a kill joy but would consider how the jet lag would affect them on arrival and coming home?

My sister and dh went long haul October half term with their 2 dc, no exams to return too, but they all had terrible jet lag and 1 dc got sick caught some bug so off school for another week!

We went to Gran Canaria Oct half term, no time difference and great weather, dc1 managed to revise for exams and enjoy the hol.

i would go 100% how many more opportunities will you have to holiday the five of you? Dd3 exams are mocks, I wouldn’t sweat it and she will benefit from the relaxation more than cramming. She could get a couple of food chunks of revision on the plane in too.

Life is short and our time with our children so fleeting. Go and make some memories together

There's always going to be an excuse OP. I'd go

My DD would have hated a holiday before mocks. We made sure we didn't do anything to stress her out

@seven8nine yes I’m worried about the jet lag too. So annoying - we only booked Mexico because of their relaxed covid rules. Now you can travel to most places.

Book the holiday for when everyone can look forward to it and enjoy it. Don't take the risk with exams. What about a holiday after everyone's summer exams?

@ICanHideButICantRun I felt a sense of relief reading your post. I know Dh and older dds are looking forward to it though.

I would postpone for when everyone can enjoy it too. Wouldn’t a holiday after the GCSEs be better?

Schoolwork is far more important than an holiday in the sun. Since all three daughters have important exams and capstone work, wait on the holiday until July.

I just feel such an idiot for leaving it so late to postpone. Was booked through an independent travel agent who has been very helpful but I’m embarrassed to tell her we want to postpone again.

Would you not lose money for the flights/accomm?

Do people really get so worked up over mocks? How long are you going for? Surely not revising for a week will have little impact. You're going over Christmas, how much revision would've been done that week regardless? This is the anxiety rearing its head

My DD’s family have booked her to go on holiday in the holiday before her GCSEs next year I’m not very happy about it but dd is adamant she wants to go , she will take her revision with her and she will do it all on holiday .
I just have to trust that she knows best coz tbh she does want to get into college so she will I expect revise on holiday .

it is possible I’m sure when it comes to her mocks . She can revise before and after the holiday too .I would go.

I would not put a holiday before exams and in this scenario I would be more concerned for the university exams than the mocks. I think the holiday is more easily done another time than exams. This trip could mean extending university another year or term, for the sake of a holiday you can do any time, I don’t think so.

I went back to university as a mature student a few years ago, I did cancel a pre booked holiday as it was too close to holidays. I can do the holiday at any time, I was at university for a masters for one year, it came first.

The mocks obviously don’t matter in the same way, but they matter to the individual involved and I can understand why they would find those dates very stressful. I kind of think holidays need to go on hold around exam times.

I know you want us to say delay it, you're almost asking for permission to postpone again. Which is fine. But I really don't think revision for mocks is that priority your dd thinks it is. An amazing family holiday to distract her from the stress would be great - IF it would distract her

If your want permission to delay it, follow the poster above who's telling you to do that.

But if you think she could enjoy herself you should go. While a NT child should be able to, autism is a bugger and I do understand that you will know best if it's just gonna be one big stress.

Good luck

I know you want us to say delay it

Gosh I didn’t get that impression at all, on the contrary…. 😀

I wouldn't go. I would not put a holiday before exams and a dissertation. It's like spending money if you're in debt - you know you shouldn't be doing and you feel guilty so you don't' really enjoy it. I think big family holidays overseas are over-rated. My son went round Asia with his partner at 20 and I'm sure he enjoyed it far more than he would if accompanied by his parents and brother. I would be thinking of a nice luxurious romantic getaway with my husband and leaving your children to get on with studying rather than being accompanied by worried people who don't really get on with each and are even less likely to do so given the exam stress.