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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Throwing red flags in straight away OLD

71 replies

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 24/11/2022 16:40

My profile has a prompt

Green flags I look for:
(My answer) can talk about current affairs and has read a book in the last 12 months

So I got a match who replied with

'I'm currently reading Jordan Petersons 12 rules of life'

WOW!! Really what would you reply to that!

Hypothetical as obviously blocked him!
Was I being unreasonable 😂

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 24/11/2022 20:45

Have people seen his latest show? JP has fried his brain with prescription drugs

audeloquipalam · 24/11/2022 20:51

The content of 12 Rules Of Life is so bland and straightforward that hating Peterson based on that alone would say more about the reader than the writer. Can’t pretend I’ve seen / heard all his interviews. He’s not quite in Christopher Hitchens class but he’s very adept and I’ve never seen anyone lay a glove on him. No doubt there’ll be some kind of claim that his opponents are so keen to silence him they even keep the interviews where he gets bested off social media? Seems to me that what riles people most is that he is unapologetic about supporting disenfranchised young men. Which is not the same thing as hating women.

NeverOneBiscuit · 24/11/2022 21:00

Peterson is a clinical psychologist, who had a private practice for over 20 years. During this time he was a university professor in psychology, latterly at the University of Ontario.

He recorded and has posted hundreds of hours of his lectures, including Maps of Meaning, dating back many years. He’s a Jungian, and has spent decades examining totalitarian regimes. I’ve watched a huge amount of these; there’s no smoking gun. He’s not a transphobe, or a woman hater, or a racist.

He came to prominence in 2016, outraged by the Canadian government’s attempt to compel speech, by force of law, (Bill C16) in the case of personal pronouns. His motivation was his life long study of how totalitarian regimes emerged. Also his clinical experience, which informed his view as to whether this compulsion would actually benefit those it was meant to protect.

I’m mainly interested in his work as a psychologist. I’ve questioned some of his ideas over the past few years, as he’s become more involved in political and social issues. But for a man who spends his life thinking, speaking and writing it would be strange to agree with every word and idea.

He is hugely misquoted and misinterpreted, with many journalists looking for a “gotcha” moment. I’m certainly not saying this to be a cool girl, as somebody mentioned in a pp. I spend most of my time here on the Feminist boards.

To see what Peterson is really about I’d recommend his podcast interviewing a young woman who fled North Korea, Yeonmi Park. It’s astonishing. She’s awe inspiring, and his real personality and motivations are clear.

clpsmum · 24/11/2022 21:04

Isittrueornot · 24/11/2022 17:00

You’re the red flag

This. He had a lucky escape

LauderSyme · 24/11/2022 21:12

I am a proud and committed feminist and when I first heard of JP, I researched him online to see what all the fuss was about. I found myself baffled by all the vitriol decrying his "sexism" as it did not seem to represent his actual views at all. Of course, he may have said and written other things which I haven't heard or read.

Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 24/11/2022 22:03

Well articulated, @NeverOneBiscuit

Skavlan’s interview is a good watch -

GreyTS · 24/11/2022 22:25

NeverOneBiscuit · 24/11/2022 21:00

Peterson is a clinical psychologist, who had a private practice for over 20 years. During this time he was a university professor in psychology, latterly at the University of Ontario.

He recorded and has posted hundreds of hours of his lectures, including Maps of Meaning, dating back many years. He’s a Jungian, and has spent decades examining totalitarian regimes. I’ve watched a huge amount of these; there’s no smoking gun. He’s not a transphobe, or a woman hater, or a racist.

He came to prominence in 2016, outraged by the Canadian government’s attempt to compel speech, by force of law, (Bill C16) in the case of personal pronouns. His motivation was his life long study of how totalitarian regimes emerged. Also his clinical experience, which informed his view as to whether this compulsion would actually benefit those it was meant to protect.

I’m mainly interested in his work as a psychologist. I’ve questioned some of his ideas over the past few years, as he’s become more involved in political and social issues. But for a man who spends his life thinking, speaking and writing it would be strange to agree with every word and idea.

He is hugely misquoted and misinterpreted, with many journalists looking for a “gotcha” moment. I’m certainly not saying this to be a cool girl, as somebody mentioned in a pp. I spend most of my time here on the Feminist boards.

To see what Peterson is really about I’d recommend his podcast interviewing a young woman who fled North Korea, Yeonmi Park. It’s astonishing. She’s awe inspiring, and his real personality and motivations are clear.

I was trying to formulate a response to this but you've explained it all so week. And likewise I'm no cool girl, just came across him speaking on an Instagram reel ( I know, for shame) and was so surprised when I clicked who it was, had an idea and judgment without ever hearing or seeing one thing he wrote

GreyTS · 24/11/2022 22:26

So well not so week

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 24/11/2022 22:42

Hoolihan · 24/11/2022 20:21

Lot of women here falling over themselves to prove how cool and open minded they are 🤣 Jordan Peterson is a well known, controversial right wing/mens rights commentator. It is highly likely that a man on a dating site mentioning this book has very dubious views about women.

That was my first jump reaction. Maybe that's hasty.

By the way it was a match online not a soulmate connection.

Literally the first thing he messages me. Before hello or some other arbitrary comment

OP posts:
shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 24/11/2022 22:44

knittingaddict · 24/11/2022 20:43

I agree with you op. Not your rules (my husband rarely reads but is a very intelligent man), but Jordan Peterson! No thanks.⁹

Wasn't a rule!
It was a green flag, supposed to be an ice breaker, not a deal breaker!

OP posts:
paintitallover · 24/11/2022 22:47

Your instincts were spot on OP.

Swissnotswiss · 25/11/2022 06:06

Like @NeverOneBiscuit I am also a feminist and not a "cool girl" whatever that's meant to be. I have found that those who hate Peterson have generally not read or seen much of what he says, preferring to rely on sound bites - and this thread seems to confirm that. Of course, I don't expect to love everything that anyone says. That seems a rather immature way of reading but unfortunately is very common nowadays.

Iliveinanoodie · 25/11/2022 15:45

Seeing as the OP isn't answering my question, can anyone tell me exactly what he has done that is so upsetting that anyone who has so much as read his book is a complete no-no?
This is a genuine question. I cannot see anything awful from him online . I was actually going to buy someone his book as a Christmas present.

Moonatics · 25/11/2022 16:53

Iliveinanoodie · 25/11/2022 15:45

Seeing as the OP isn't answering my question, can anyone tell me exactly what he has done that is so upsetting that anyone who has so much as read his book is a complete no-no?
This is a genuine question. I cannot see anything awful from him online . I was actually going to buy someone his book as a Christmas present.

I dont think any thing he has said is really out there terrible. He talks sense to my mind. And frankly most things he does say can be aimed at women and men alike.
What's wrong with telling both sexes to keep their room clean, be kind, dont tell lies etc.
And after all of that, this is just his opinion. You dont like his opinion, go find another psychologist/writer/YouTuber.
No one has to read his books, watch his channel, use him for therapy.

TirisfalPumpkin · 25/11/2022 16:59

YANBU, your green flags are your green flags. They’re not mine. I’d strike up a conversation with them about lobsters. Didn’t agree with everything in 12RFL but I don’t see that as a prerequisite for reading and enjoying something. Peterson makes a lot of good points (and some shit ones).

I will be sure not to lead with that now when online dating!

Iliveinanoodie · 25/11/2022 17:12

Thanks @Moonatics . That was what I was thinking.

SnapCrackleandExplode · 25/11/2022 17:45

Just googled Jordan Peterson because I'd never heard of him and I recognise the books as some I have on my shelf but haven't read yet.

What's supposed to be so wrong with him?!

Also agree with other PP - I have over 500 books on my shelf some are romance a lot are thriller and crime or just plain old fiction what does that say about me?!

Kennykenkencat · 25/11/2022 18:02

Hoolihan · 24/11/2022 20:21

Lot of women here falling over themselves to prove how cool and open minded they are 🤣 Jordan Peterson is a well known, controversial right wing/mens rights commentator. It is highly likely that a man on a dating site mentioning this book has very dubious views about women.

No idea who Jordan Peterson is but shakeitoffshakeacocktail said she wanted someone who had read a book in the last 12 months. She didn’t specify which books or by which authors so she got exactly what she asked for.
Then blocked him.

scatterolight · 25/11/2022 18:33

Haha, that was his red flag for you. And you proved you were the sort of intolerant nightmare he wouldn't want to build a life with.

Valeriekat · 26/11/2022 20:47

Perhaps you should read the book and be a little less prejudiced until you have.
Open mind and all that.

Zodfa · 26/11/2022 21:06

You don't have to have anything against Jordan Peterson personally to have noticed that the kind of men who go on about him tend not to be very appealing.

I don't have a big problem with his 12 Rules For Life per se. But blokes who think they're some kind of earthshattering insight are massive manbabies.

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