To feel very upset and offended by this

[newnamenewpost]

I was walking back home from the shop with bottle of milk in my hand and accidentally dropped it on the street in front of my house and milk spilled everywhere. I left it there to run upstairs and bring a bag to pack it up as it was spilling everywhere but then the shop owner next door jumped out of her shop and started to have a go at me pointing out to random garbage someone else left about how everyone leaves their stuff in the street (it's a very clean and lovely street, sometimes the odd person leaves a cup or so or the council doesn't pick up the bins but it's very clean 99% of the time) and I must not leave my milk bottle like that. I explained to her what I was going to do very calmly but she carried on about how people also leave their cardboard boxes and how she is going to report everyone who does that etc. and then she carried on to say "there was a foreign name on one of the boxes". I'm British but I have a foreign name and it's obvious from my accent that I wasn't born here. I felt unbelievably upset and offended by this remark, especially I'm very very careful with my bins.
What does having a foreign name have any relationship with this or random garbage in the street? Why did she have to bring this up? We live in a street where a lot of the neighbors have foreign names, so it felt really inappropriate to bring this up like that. DH thinks it's not even worth thinking about it and she is clearly a very unpleasant person to put it politely but I just can't come into terms with the fact that some people throw offensive remarks left and right just because they can and she elevated the conversation to this level just because I was being calm and respectful even though she wasn't. It just feels so unfair and I'm just tempted to say something about this.

it has nothing to do with your name. The woman was just ranting and raving. What a disgusting thing for her to say. Maybe she should be reported for racist and abusive language. I hope your day got better. What a gutter woman to say those things Unmumsnet hug

Sadly we now live in a country where it's OK to air xenophobic views in public.

No, it's not OK. It's illegal to discriminate because of someone's race.
If you believe she was having a go at your because of your race then it's illegal.

People might be going about airing their xenophobic views in public, but that doesn't mean it's OK.

Sounds crazy.

I wouldn't give it any more headspace. She's a twat. Don't shop in her shop.

You should report her. She sounds racist/xenophobic.

But she could also be on a rant due to the rubbish being left everywhere and you (because she saw your non British name) got the brunt of her attack.

She probably thinks that if a lot of foreigners live in this street that they're all messy/untidy etc. I personally think, having lived and worked in areas with different ethnicities that yes, some of them do have different attitudes to rubbish collection etc. That's not to say all foreigners are dirty/unclean, because I don't think this is the case at all! Where I used to work, near Brick Lane, there were lots of rats in the streets and in the curry house areas. You would see a rat the size of a small cat in the street off Brick Lane, which I saw, more than a few times. Two pest controllers who visited my office to put down poison for mice, one white and one Asian separately told me that some not all restaurants weren't great about putting out rubbish/ensuring it was secured/put in plastic bags and that they had rodent problems. They said a few were great about securing rubbish. One restaurant we used to go to for lunch, and were friendly with the owners, I asked them once, after showing them photos of my cat on my phone, why they didn't have a cat, for any supposed rodents (I didn't say they had any) and the man said "cats are unclean".

She sounds vile and racist. Sorry this happened to you.

@KettrickenSmiled Thanks for your comment.

To be honest, nowaday I just accept it when someone shows racist attitude to me. It makes me really angry, and yet at the same time I feel helpless to defend my self. Kind of making a big deal out of nothing.

After all it is my fault to be living in a country other than my own. Luckily my DD (mixed race, her dad is British born and bred) was just 2 or 3 years old when that incident happened. I think I would be more upset if my DD saw this kind of incident if she is older.

Much as I wish I could agree with this... what do you think would actually happen if someone reported it to the police?

They'd tell them it's a civil matter and they should see a solicitor for advice. I know this because I was the trainee solicitor sat dealing with these enquiries. "Fancy spending several thousand pounds on legal fees? No... well I'm afraid there's nothing else you can do if the police won't look into it".

Yes, a 'friend' of mine on Facebook recently made an angry post about people walking their dogs without leashes. Her post finished with some ugly racist stuff about how said dog owners didn't speak good English and shouldn't even be in this country 😠

I commented that because I myself am an immigrant to the UK, I found her post upsetting. I was trying to make her think, because I'm a white native English speaker but also a naturalised British citizen, and yes, an immigrant. She promptly blocked me 😮

In real life she seemed like a sweet woman. It's very depressing when xenophobes and racists pop up out of nowhere and show their true colours.

Before I was a British citizen, I was showing my right to work documentation to an admin person at the university where I teach, and she started making small talk about how I wasn't the kind of immigrant she was worried about -- she was worried about, you know, the OTHER type. Appalling. I wish I had made an official complaint about her. I really regret that I didn't. She's retired now. Another sweet-looking silver-haired woman who was actually a racist 😠

She is assuming that you are the one who dropped the other rubbish, because it had a foreign name on it and she saw you (accidentally) drop something, and you're recognizably not white British. That's why.

It is bollox and hurtful though.

I'm British born, bred and raised, pretty much my entire heritage is from the UK and Im as pasty white English accented as they get BUT I also have a 'foreign' or 'exotic' sounding uncommon for this country name.

I had the joy of encountering a racist nurse who tired herself in knots trying to 'prove' I'm not British so shouldnt get NHS treatment, she convinced herself I MUST be polish and it was her hill to die on. Needless to say everyone thought she was batshit (as she ranted about my 'clearly foreign sounding accent' which hillariously is the same accent as hers lol) and her job did not last long.

Very occasionally in life you just meet a twat lol all you can do is laugh at them and not let the have any head space because they are only making themselves look bad.

I do get other forms of 'racism' surrounding my 'foreign' name too but the are usually well meaning and accidental... more misplaced but somewhat logical assumptions (people expect me to be dark skinned, varients of my name are common in africa and the middle east so makes some sense) or curiousities (20 questions gets really dull, its like everything is an inquasition but they are just making convosation) rather than nastiness.

Thanks all. I feel much better now, appreciate your support. I guess being accosted in street in front of my own home shocked me. I don't shop there and she doesn't sell anything essential so no need to go there at all (thank God.) As far as I can see she's owner of the shop, she keeps appearing in local newsletters advertising it. I will see if I can write a review somewhere about the shop and talk to friends in the local baby groups I go.