To have completely had enough

[Siette]

I feel like DH is literally the laziest person ever. He lost his job last week because apparently the manager was an arse, which he probably was but one of the reasons was his lack of urgency which I can completely relate to. Since being off work he can’t get up in the morning with the kids because apparently I can function in less sleep than him. I was working on Monday and Tuesday, I prepared tea, sorted out the washing, cleaned up, got the kids ready for school/nursery. This morning I walked into the room and called him a fat lazy prick but I can’t take it anymore. I have been up since 6 with the kids and he has t even come down yet. He keeps saying I never have sex with him, I couldn’t think of anything worse! He is making me very unhappy. Yesterday he asked me to take our son our whilst he made a few calls, that literally never happens for me.

Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.

This is a difficult one. Of course he should do his share, but I'd be feeling pretty depressed and unmotivated if, the week after I lost my job and was already feeling a bit shit, my partner called me a fat lazy prick.
This isn't a good relationship model for your kids. Neither of you are covered in glory tbh.

@Bronnau yeah but he is fat lazy prick.

Op you would be better on your own

This isn’t something that has happened just since he lost his job. I know it’s not a good environment for the kids and I don’t want to feel this angry. I feel like I’m constantly moaning and I’m fed up.

I’m not perfect I am not saying I am! Far from it in fact. I just want a bit of support.

At least when he is at work I don’t have to moan.

Unlikely. Financially or emotionally, esp if this is her commumication model. Do you think this person could successfully negotiate shared care?

I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up my family. I am just going to remain calm and expect nothing, that way I can’t be angry.

I bypassed the fact that his boss let him go due to lack of urgency etc and just agreed that he was an arse, however, there must be some truth in it surely?

Do you really think I should leave? I can’t bare to have sex with him. I do love him I think but he is pushing me further and further away and I hate the way he makes me feel.

You wouldn’t feel such resentment if you left.

You would probably have less work around the house because you wouldn’t have to clean up after him

What effort is he making to get another job?

He is making an effort and I understand it must be stressful, I am stressed because of it too as we have 2 kids to feed. Luckily he being paid until the end of the month. I feel bad for going upstairs and saying that to him, I whispered it so the kids didn’t hear me but I was really wound up.

If my husband spoke to me like that, I would leave. Not forgivable. You speak about him with absolute contempt and distain, and don't want to have sex with him. Whoever's fault is all is, the relationship is doomed once contempt enters.

Yes.

You say you love him. No one needs “love” like that. Fucking hell.

This relationship sounds toxic.

So you have a really lazy husband whose boss agrees with you, who is lying in bed while you work and juggle young children?

It may not be a nice way to speak to someone but you are not wrong.

You are worried about money with good reason.

Being married to a lazy selfish person who lays in bed while you run around would not be someone I would be well disposed towards towards, much less want to have sex with.

It sounds like you are really tired of carrying such a loser.

Reach out to family and friends for support as it is unlikely he is going to change and life on your own might be better than how you currently, understandably feel.

Never make a life changing decision when you are angry.

Yes, he is behaving like a selfish oaf and that has to change. When you have both calmed down you need to apologise for your words and explain they came from extreme frustration.

If he’s depressed he needs to see a doctor. If he is suffering from low mood due to his circumstances he needs exercise, a list of tasks to contribute to family life and a set number of hours for job hunting. A long day with no routine is hopeless.

I hope you can sort this out.

I have apologised

I think you're unreasonable for apologising to him.

Has he apologised to you for losing his job just before Christmas? Has he apologised for leaving you to do the vast majority of housework and child care? Has he apologised to you for being a shit partner?

I think at the least you need to talk to him and make it plain that you can't carry on like this and he needs to pick up more if the load and if he doesn't, then you need to consider your options

He sounds like a leach

Does he do his share when he is awake? I ask because my dh does all the mornings with the dc because I have a condition which means mornings are difficult for me and I have broken sleep due to the condition so often need to lie in a little longer. However when I’m up I’m 100% with the home and children and I do hold down quite a high stress fast paced job. If my dh called me names for lying in I’d be mortified.
if he doesn’t pull his weight once up and there is no reasonable explanation for his lack of urgency then yes your right to be annoyed.
Is it possible he has an undiagnosed condition.

You are not bring unreasonable to feel as you do. The trouble is that you don't seem to have any respect for your husband and once that has gone it is very difficult to get it back.

@Siette you obviously know that it’s not ok to call someone a fat lazy prick which is why you apologised.

I’m sorry but you have a shit husband. I couldn’t stay married to someone I thought was a fat lazy prick because they would give me the ick, make my life harder because they weren’t sharing the load, bring out the worst in me, teach my children that housework and raising children is women’s work and my children would probably end up either like them or married to someone like them.

Nothing changes if nothing changes and this is why I would definitely be making a change.

I would never tolerate thst from a man. He'd be out.
And yes he is a fat lazy prick.