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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do

30 replies

Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 03:49

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and baby has measured small (3rd percentile) since the 20 week scan. I'm under fetal medicine for growth scans every 3 weeks.

Last time the sonographer said baby had moved up to 6th percentile so I was really happy, but this appointment the consultant asked to speak with me and said that was wrong, baby is actually now under the 3rd percentile and whereas everything is most likely fine they can't rule out any rare genetic problems.

She said I could do an amnio but doesn't recommend because of the risk of premature labour and stillbirth. I would need to be on bed rest after and there's no way I could do that with my other children and no support or funds for babysitting. But I want to do the amnio because I would not have a baby with a rare condition - it would affect the baby and also my other children, and I don't have the resources.

So I'm up at 3am wondering - what would you do?

OP posts:
marcopront · 24/11/2022 03:54

Is the baby"s father around?
How much can he help?

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 03:55

He's not around. Long story

OP posts:
HappyAsASandboy · 24/11/2022 04:04

It sounds very hard to juggle all those things at once, and with the emotions that come with a complicated pregnancy too.

Is there any way at all you can call in enough support to have the amino? If you genuinely wouldn't continue the pregnancy if there is a significant issue (and there's no judgement from me on that at all), then far far far better to use any resources you have to enable the tests than to continue and then need resources you don't have on a daily basis if baby does need extra support.

Flowers and support to you. I hope you can find the real life support to get you through the rest of your pregnancy and whatever lies beyond Flowers

amylou8 · 24/11/2022 04:25

Wouldn't a condition considered serious enough to not have the baby at 28 weeks be evident on a scan? If an amino showed up a genetic issue that was compatible with life you're well past the 24 week mark so not having the baby wouldn't be a option. I hope all goes well whatever decision you make.

user9863233444446788 · 24/11/2022 04:28

amylou8 · 24/11/2022 04:25

Wouldn't a condition considered serious enough to not have the baby at 28 weeks be evident on a scan? If an amino showed up a genetic issue that was compatible with life you're well past the 24 week mark so not having the baby wouldn't be a option. I hope all goes well whatever decision you make.

I was thinking this also.

Do all your children (including pregnancy) have the same father?

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 04:29

No, not all conditions can be picked up on a scan, and TMFR has a different time frame.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 04:29

*TFMR

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 24/11/2022 04:30

Do have the amnio. You may not have to be on bed rest for very long and it could be sufficient to just take it easy. How old are your other children?

I am so very sorry you are in this tough situation, Ultrasound.

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 04:30

@HappyAsASandboy Thank you x

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 24/11/2022 04:59

amylou8 · 24/11/2022 04:25

Wouldn't a condition considered serious enough to not have the baby at 28 weeks be evident on a scan? If an amino showed up a genetic issue that was compatible with life you're well past the 24 week mark so not having the baby wouldn't be a option. I hope all goes well whatever decision you make.

Not necessarily. Plus the criteria for termination at 28 weeks is quite wide. It includes things like a cleft lip.

I really hope things go well for you op. Could you see if any of your other friends parents could help? I would take any of my DCs friends or classmates for a few days in these circumstances.

handbagsandholidays · 24/11/2022 05:08

A lady at my baby group went through something similar. She was under weekly reviews from 23 weeks and her baby was born 3lbs at 35 weeks! X

hattie43 · 24/11/2022 05:17

As a single parent with other children I would not risk having a disabled child . Easy for me to say though as not emotionally invested . Good luck whichever way you go x

Itsabitnotcold · 24/11/2022 06:42

If you don't want the baby if it has a health condition then you need to do the amnio. It's not what I would do but you have to do what's right for you.

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 07:18

LBFseBrom · 24/11/2022 04:30

Do have the amnio. You may not have to be on bed rest for very long and it could be sufficient to just take it easy. How old are your other children?

I am so very sorry you are in this tough situation, Ultrasound.

Thank you 💕 I got an hour of sleep and I feel better. I will ask about the bed rest. Just so much uncertainty and worry. They are 4 and 16m

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/11/2022 07:33

When I had to have an amniocentesis, my consultant was actually very reassuring, saying things have moved on so much with size of needle/scanning etc that in his opinion, most of those babies that went on to miscarry did have a genetic condition or something else wrong.

I didn’t have bed rest tho, just kept nice and quiet for a couple of days. So I’d talk to them again about your individual risk factors as every procedure is different 🌸

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 07:39

When I had to have an amniocentesis, my consultant was actually very reassuring, saying things have moved on so much with size of needle/scanning etc that in his opinion, most of those babies that went on to miscarry did have a genetic condition or something else wrong.

Yes this is what I had thought which is why I was surprised the consultant was stating that as a reason not to do it, implying it was quite a high risk. It was the first thing she said, that she wouldn't recommend it due to the risk.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/11/2022 07:46

You need to know. Yes, there's a risk involved, but not taking the test would mean you're making the choice to go full-term/hope for the best/have a life you don't want - which isn't right for you.

FHmama · 24/11/2022 08:59

Different situation but my son had a limb deformity and I had an amnio to rule out any kind of genetic/chromosomal disorder. I was around the 23 week mark so earlier than but it was honestly the best decision I made. Having that peace of mind that, apart from his limb disability, he was completely healthy was worth it. However I didn't have any other children to consider.

Although there are risks with the amnio, they are small, and it's whether you think the pros outweighs the risks.

Hope it all goes well for you OP ❤️

FHmama · 24/11/2022 09:01

Also just to clarify - they do a scan whilst they insert the needle so are able to see that it's not touching the baby in any form and also check the baby's vitals constantly too. Miscarriages do happen, but you have to consider that some of these babies are infact disabled, and may have miscarriaged due to their condition rather than the amnio itself. I was able to go on as normal after my amnio

Roseinbloom20 · 24/11/2022 12:00

Hi op, I was in the exact same position as you were 3 years ago, baby always measured small and at 28 weeks I was offered an amino due to new findings and to rule out or confirm genetic issues. I had the amino (it was fine) after an agonising wait and follow up MRI it was discovered that I'd contracted CMV very early on in the pregnancy and so in effect the baby's brain was severely affected and her growth was also affected which is why she was so small but it wasn't genetic and they don't routinely check for CMV. The MRI confirmed all the markers on her brain which the dr said would essentially make her brain damaged and severely disabled. We were offered a TMFR at 31 weeks and made the heartbreaking decision not to proceed as we couldn't knowingly bring such a disabled child into the world and we had our older child to think of.

I really hope everything works out for you and your baby is just on the small side but I would go for the amino just to be sure, it might not be a genetic problem it could be something else or fingers crossed it could be nothing. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone but if it is bad news then you will be well looked after. Wishing you all the best 💐

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 24/11/2022 20:14

Roseinbloom20 · 24/11/2022 12:00

Hi op, I was in the exact same position as you were 3 years ago, baby always measured small and at 28 weeks I was offered an amino due to new findings and to rule out or confirm genetic issues. I had the amino (it was fine) after an agonising wait and follow up MRI it was discovered that I'd contracted CMV very early on in the pregnancy and so in effect the baby's brain was severely affected and her growth was also affected which is why she was so small but it wasn't genetic and they don't routinely check for CMV. The MRI confirmed all the markers on her brain which the dr said would essentially make her brain damaged and severely disabled. We were offered a TMFR at 31 weeks and made the heartbreaking decision not to proceed as we couldn't knowingly bring such a disabled child into the world and we had our older child to think of.

I really hope everything works out for you and your baby is just on the small side but I would go for the amino just to be sure, it might not be a genetic problem it could be something else or fingers crossed it could be nothing. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone but if it is bad news then you will be well looked after. Wishing you all the best 💐

Thank you so, so much for sharing your story and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

This definitely makes me feel that I have to have the tests. No one has mentioned an MRI to me. Did the ultrasound not pick up any anomalies and it was just found on MRI?

It scares me because I had quite a bad infection in early pregnancy and was in hospital (before even testing positive) but I have had no straight answers from anyone and it's so frustrating, nothing reassuring but also no way to understand the risks or possibilities of what could be wrong.

And thank you for your reassurance about the process. ❤

OP posts:
Roseinbloom20 · 24/11/2022 20:46

@Ultrasoundwoes they only offered an MRI after it was confirmed the problem wasn't genetic after the amino came back clear or genetic issues (it did however confirm the CMV) I'll never forget the words "your amniotic fluid is riddled with the virus" so it was after the amino they offered the MRI to see the severity and in our case it was very severe. I had no idea about CMV or anything until a dr re-checked my bloods from my very first midwife appointment and it showed I was negative and then checked my other bloods to show I was positive but I contracted the virus in the first 8-10 weeks and it was never picked up. I want to say though that my case was very rare but someone has to be the 1 in 100 😞 I'd say have the amnio and go from there. I'm always here though if you want or need to talk x

Roseinbloom20 · 25/11/2022 15:41

Sorry I've just re-read my first post and when I said decided not to proceed I meant not proceed with the pregnancy and so had the TFMR which was obviously heartbreaking and traumatic. However, I said we went through all the pain and heartbreak so the baby never had so suffer. Did they say anything to you about the baby's size as in specific body parts are small or is it all over small? Our first red flag was the baby's head was small, like off the charts small.

Just to say also I've been thinking of you and hope you're doing ok x

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 25/11/2022 17:47

@Roseinbloom20 thank you so much for posts Flowers

I emailed and asked for an amnio appt and was told I can have a consultation on Monday but it's risky this late due to preterm labour.

...then why did they only bring it up this week! SGA was diagnosed at the 20 week scan at the 3rd percentile. I don't understand why I wasn't offered testing until it was 'too late.'

I asked for the scan notes with percentiles, and the head is now 6th percentile down from 7th at 20 weeks, femur and radius are off the charts (down from 3rd), and abdomen is 11th, down from 23rd. Overall she is below the 3rd.

I have had no feedback, not offered further testing until this week, and it's all been very confusing.

Hopefully I can get some answers on Monday...I know they can't tell me anything for certain but they must be able to be clearer than this.

OP posts:
Roseinbloom20 · 25/11/2022 18:14

@Ultrasoundwoes that's so bad, it's infuriating as it was the same with me, no action taken to find out why she was so small until 28 weeks when they should have been doing tests weeks before. When I was offered the amnio it was stated as a slight risk and I had a steroid injection just in case it caused early labour but the percentage was tiny and it wasn't really an issue so I had mine on the day of the 28 week scan.
It's such an agonising wait and you're just in limbo. I really hope Monday they get things moving and offer you all the tests you need x