To let her decide herself if she wants to go or not

[Misschristmasinthe80s]

Dd is 4 and at pre school.
She’s been having lots of bad dreams recently, not sure if it’s an age/phase thing.
Last night she had another dream and was awake some of the night and in our bed.
This morning she was too tired and asked if she could please not go to pre school today. Dh thought she should go and to push through, during our childhoods, we would have never had a choice and I had to go to school unless I was practically dying 🙈
But Dd is younger and this is pre school.
Was I being unreasonable to let her her stay off today and relax? Would you have sent her in?

It depends. I need to go to work so DS only gets to stay at home from nursery if he's ill. If I didn't have to work, I'd probably let him stay home for similar reasons at such a young age. We're getting towards the end of the year and everyone is knackered.

I would have sent her in. You’re laying the foundations now. I agree with your husband. She would have tired herself out more at preschool and would have slept better tonight.

If you're able to keep her off then absolutely let her choose. It shows her you care about her feelings

I would make her go. You don't want to teach her that going to school is optional.

I think you’ll be creating problems for the future letting her decide. And giving the message that just being tired is an excuse to not do things.
But you’ve done it now by the sound of it.

She is a baby, we've moved away from the controlled crying, Rod for your own back approach to babies but still are so rigid with pre and primary aged children.

If I didn't need to work I'd keep her off

I'm exhausted. I'd like to not go to work or uni but I'm afraid it just isn't optional. Children need to learn the same.

If it’s pre school and not school, I don’t see a problem keep her off for tiredness. But it’s obviously your decision ultimately and not hers. If it’s actual school, I’d send her as (although she’s only 4) it’s good to act as though it’s compulsory from the off.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for this. It's totally up to you. X

She's so young, if I didn't need to go to work, I'd have kept her off. It's not "laying the foundations" for anything. I was flexible with my kids when little and they have 100% attendance at school now they're big. It feels so old fashioned and out of touch being all hard-ass on such little kids - it's not making a rod for your own back, it's being a good parent.

Since when was a 4 year old child a baby? 🤔 You can explain how things work to a 4 year old.

I've also got a 4 year old DD that is experiencing nightmares. She goes to preschool for us to work so under those circumstances I'd probably have to insist she goes but I would let the staff know what's been going on and that she can have a rest throughout the day if she needs it. If I wasn't working then I'd probably say she can stay home in those circumstances, DD generally loves preschool (and her childminder) so I'd know that she really wasn't feeling great if she didn't want to go.

See i think it would do the opposite. She'd know that when she truly needed a day off she would be believed and therefore less likely to try and take the mick with it. I know when I'm working and desperately exhausted I don't give it my best and if I wasn't forced to go to work and made to feel guilty about taking a day off to rest then I'd perform far better too.

I'm with your husband. I'd maybe have had a word with the teacher at drop off that if she really seems off,to call you. I'd also tell daughter that we will have a nice early night tonight.

I don’t understand that logic. To me it would seem more like ‘I’m tired I’m not going in’ to school/college/work etc
But then people have duvet days which I’ve never understood either.

She's 4! I'd have kept her home Tbh, there's plenty of years ahead where she'll have to go, make the most of it while it's optional and have a sneaky extra day with mum 💐

If you can accommodate it i.e no work or other commitments, I don’t see a problem with it tbh. I definitely wouldn’t make it a regular thing (4 is old enough to understand ‘one-offs’) but if there’s perhaps a chance her bad dreams are linked to over-stimulation or tiredness in general it might do her some good in that respect. The reassurance that her mum has her back when she’s at her limit will have an impact too.

I wouldn’t be going out of my way to make it fun though! Entertaining herself would be the order of the day.

I would keep her home.

Mental health should be looked after as much as physical health. I'm not saying just a bit tired and have a day off by any stretch but for a 4 year old I don't think they need to be pushed hard to carry on while very tired. We do it as adults and it leads to burnout and depression.

It's appalling that do many people recognise the need of the child. She needs rest, not to push beyond her limits. Its not learning to see school as optional, it's learning to recognise your limits. Fat healthier to know when you can and can't put yourself through something.
If she falls asleep at preschool, where's the benefit to her?

I'd have sent her in but given them a call at lunch

She needs rest, not to push beyond her limits

It's been a while but what in earth do they do at preschool that is pushing children beyond their limits?

It's like going to work after a bad night's sleep. You just try and have an easy a day as you can.

If its been weeks of sleep deprevation then yes I'd consider it.

It's nothing like work though, she's 4 and has no obligation to go to pre-school. She's not claiming sick pay or leaving any colleagues in the lurch. If her parents can keep her off without any major drama with childcare I can't see why not. Sometimes you just need the day. Even as an adult I can feel when I need a day to myself as I'm hitting exhaustion. Thing is, as an adult I have control of my annual leave and can book a day off when I'm hitting my limits. At 4 she can't do that. I think you did the right thing OP.

But next year she won't have the choice.