To let her decide herself if she wants to go or not

[Misschristmasinthe80s]

Dd is 4 and at pre school.
She’s been having lots of bad dreams recently, not sure if it’s an age/phase thing.
Last night she had another dream and was awake some of the night and in our bed.
This morning she was too tired and asked if she could please not go to pre school today. Dh thought she should go and to push through, during our childhoods, we would have never had a choice and I had to go to school unless I was practically dying 🙈
But Dd is younger and this is pre school.
Was I being unreasonable to let her her stay off today and relax? Would you have sent her in?

@avocadoandchill Well that's a problem for next year? And actually if she wasn't fit for school I'd be keeping her off anyway. As PP said mental health is an important as physical health and it's important to avoid burnout. One day off can be really valuable.

Well that's a problem for next year?

Exactly, it will be one of you let a 4 year old decide whether they’re going in or not now.

@Sparklingbrook Sorry, I don't agree. If it became a pattern then yes, but as a one off? Nothing to suggest it would cause a long-term issue.

If she has a day off for not sleeping well then when she's ill she'll need another day off and what if she regularly doesn't sleep well? She can't stay off school for lack of sleep

If she's too tried to go I'd probably keep her off. Like, if she's falling asleep in her breakfast kind of tired. That's no good for anyone.

Ditto. You really are not making a rod for your own back.

It's not hard for a child to understand that nursery isn't compulsory but school is.

So much for a child's mental health and well-being. She's not even at school!

I would let her, but I'd explain that she can because she's at nursery but when she gets bigger and starts school she will have to go even if she's feeling tired.

It's pre school! She's 4! Keep her at home. Plenty of time to enforce attendance once she actually starts school.

If DD is reluctant to go I usually take her in a bit late and pick her up at 2.30 to give her a shorter day.

Is there space to nap at preschool? I work and wouldn't have the luxury of letting her have the day off unless she was actually unwell! I'd have sent her in and explained to her teacher she may need more rest time, but most of the time when friends appear tiredness disappears!

I would send her in assuming that she should be fine when she got there.

If she’s anything like my two, if I let them stay at home if they were just feeling under the weather, after half an hour they would be bouncing around absolutely fine and I would be wishing I sent them and they would be moaning they were bored all day.

Of course you did the right thing. She can catch up learning about quantum physics later on.

Such mixed views!

It's not really just the tiredness, she seems out of sorts and I think the dream really affected her as she’s quite clingy this morning and scared to go upstairs herself (she’s not usually like this at all) so I think she just feels a bit shaky today aswell as tired really and not confident to go in.
I did say to her that when people are tired they still have to go to work and school etc when they’re bigger and she said she promises she’ll go in tomorrow 🙈
I don’t know, I think so long as she doesn’t start saying this again and it just remains as a one off, is should be ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

I genuinely don’t think it will necessarily impact her future attitude to attendance.

My dd is prone to dramatising to try and get a day off, covid restrictions meant we had to keep her off/get tested. It’s made no difference to getting her into school since the return of normal service. She’s not stupid and, more importantly, knows I’m not either.

One day, at four, when you think it’s warranted is fine.

I would have sent her in, she needs to get used to it not being optional for school.

It sounds like she is brewing an illness to be honest so I'd have left her off. How is she now? We had one of those nights last week as well but DD was fine in the morning so I sent her. She finishes pre school at 11.45 anyway so she was able to relax on the couch when she got home .

You can be flexible now and strict when she starts school. My kids know 9/10 I'll send them in but tell the teacher I'm home (WFH) and if they seem unwell, more than happy for them to get sent home. It rarely happens.