To have not included DH in holiday booking?

[PixieAndProsecco]

I'll preface this by saying that DH and I had spoken, and acknowledged, that he wouldn't get any holidays with us this year. During this conversation he made no suggestions and just approached it with more of a "ah bad luck that" attitude.

So, as the title suggests, I booked a holiday for DC and I over the Easter break (a UK getaway for 4 nights) but didn't include DH.
Both DH and I have set holidays, we cannot take them at other times. I am term time, meaning I have all the school holidays. DH works on a rota that has his days off plus annual leave accounted for, and bar a day here or there, it is nearly impossible to swap shifts with someone.

This year none of DHs holidays fall over the term time - something he enjoys as it means he gets 2 weeks off when I'm at work at the kids are at school. 10 whole days, 9 to 3, of peace and quiet.

When we spoke about this I said I wouldn't not be going away because he wouldn't be there and he agreed. We had this issue a few years ago, with a larger family holiday, and DH had to drop out as he couldn't swap his shifts with anyone.

Fast forward to my booking of a holiday, just a 4 night UK break in Easter, and DH is now in a massive huff because "I should have waited for him to see if he could swap," or I "should have just booked him in case". I've only paid the deposit as there were Black Friday discounts and it was a very good deal. As I said, none of our previous conversations took this turn and he was more than happy to have time alone, in theory, when discussing it. I'm also not clairvoyant and had no idea that his "yeah it's rubbish we won't be off together" also meant "I'll try to swap shifts despite this not working before".

Now DH is in a bit of a huff.
However I don't believe I was in the wrong, we had conversations.

So AIBU to not have included him?
Yanbu - not unreasonable, why would you include him after all of the above?
Yabu - are unreasonable, why would you not include him?

Don’t pander to him - he was clear he couldn’t get time off.
Too late mate - I have no sympathy for him.

You haven’t done anything wrong if his time off doesn’t match yours all year and theres no chance of him getting it off. These comments show how so many people dont understand a set shift pattern. My husband is told when his shifts/time off is and there is absolutely no flexibility (even for an important occasion - christmas, weddings etc). As you are a teacher and theres no option for the kids to miss a few days of school, they still deserve a break away (and you do) so just explain this to him. Its not ideal but not all families can put in for holiday whenever they fancy it.

A haven? I always try to add full occupancy for things like this so I would have included your dh.

Because companies are allowed to allocate set holidays.

Sounds to me like your communication was clear enough 👌

Also sounds like your husband is just being mardy as you say, because he thought you'd sit around and twiddle thumbs instead of going away and having fun - without him. How dare you.

It's 4 bloomin' nights at Haven fgs not a two week all-inclusive to the Caribbean!!

He needs to wind his neck in and either get more involved in holiday planning / proactive in shift swapping or stfu.

That is perfectly clear!
Agree he didn't think you would actually do it and now he's sulking.
His fault. Go and have fun and next time he will know to be straightforward.

We had loads of family holidays without my dad growing up for this very reason reason. It’s just how it was and nothing at all so do with my dad being a bad father. This is just poor communication. You need a proper family diary system like an app or calendar where he writes in his holiday days and writes TBC if he thinks there’s any chance at all he can change them.

Yanbu however I would have added him to the booking as that would have cost zero extra. You probably still can add him if he manages a shift swap.

but it’s fairly miserable that literally none of your holidays tally up. Surprised he’s not looking for another job.

He sounds annoying.

But you say the booking can potentially be changed to include him? So I'd say to him, "OK, here's the details. If you want to swap shifts at work, you can then ring up and add yourself to the booking." I'd leave him to do the grunt work though.

I really don't see what he's annoyed about. You told him you were booking in advance and it sounds like he could still add himself to the holiday if he was motivated to. Complete non-issue.

@PixieAndProsecco

I'm with you on this one.

You've mentioned it to him more than once and told him your plan and he didn't come up with anything

He has no place to be stroppy with you.

Call him out on it op

Actually ask him if he would rather his kids didn't have a little holiday just because he can't go?

I would. Make him squirm abit.

He's being bloody childish. Tell him it's very off putting and maybe he might like to start arranging things for his kids.

Annoys me when people are sticking up for a dis organised man child.

Would it have cost more to include him? If not, I would have put his name on the booking just in case.
But you are not unreasonable at all!

He doesn't take you seriously or think you mean what you say, and that's an issue. Don't cave or pander. You were clear & that's enough.

Just a thank you to everyone who commented on this.

I spoke to DH again and he admitted that the chances of being able to swap shifts would be slim to none.
I also told him that if he asked me to change the booking to include two adults I would - but he didn't ask.

The the PP who asked about the navy, he got all the way to the medical and was then refused entry on a medical ground we didn't even consider. Think something like a recurrent uti, but not.

As for the PP who said they felt we didn't like each other - we do. However I don't need my DH there to do things. I am more than perfectly happy being alone, as is he. However that doesn't mean we aren't also happy together.

And to the PPs who don't understand his set holidays, as others have said it isn't uncommon. He has an entire year long rota that factors in annual leave and rest. It is what it is. In 2023 we won't get extendrd time off together but will get the odd rest day during school holidays and weekends. However this was not the case in 2019, 2020, 2021 or 2022. It may not be the case in 2024 either.