to stay & settle.. or leave for a fairytale?

[alexandrax]

27, 2 DD’s (had first daughter young). DP and I have had a rocky relationship but nothing ‘massive’ ever happened, eg no cheating/abuse etc…

feel as though we have grown up with our first DD and almost got to know each other as DD has grown up too as we were only together just over a year before I fell pregnant.

DP isn’t a bad person, but we have our disagreements and I think some things stand in the way of our relationship. I’m not particularly fond of his friendship group, all quite immature (I guess normal 27 year olds with no kids), pub every weekend, some I know cheat on their partners, just a group sleazy blokes tbh.. but it’s his friends so nothing I can do or would expect to do.

i feel like my love language is definitely touch/words etc.. maybe I just need reassurance or maybe I’m just insecure. His is very different - he’s not very comforting, wouldn’t just randomly give me a kiss or anything.. date nights I tend to organise myself, have to ask him to get up with the kids on a weekend instead of him just doing something for me etc..

I feel like I’m wanting more, I want that fairytale relationship, the relationships you see on social media that probably aren’t even real..

I don’t really know why I’m asking a bunch of strangers on mumsnet what to do with my life but maybe other peoples out look might help.

In our relationship yes, we are incredibly lucky we 'found' each other. I'd rather spend time with him than anyone else, although we do have separate interests. We tell each other I love you and cuddle everyday and always kiss goodnight. We do fight occasionally, and we can wind each other up big time so it's not roses all the way!
We still hold hands on public, and I have told him that when we die (nice!) if there is such a thing as reincarnation, he has to make sure he finds me again, and he said 'Oh don't worry I will find you'
We will have been married 46 years at Christmas.

It sounds like you have love life FOMO tbh. All I can tell you is being single with kids is certainly not an easy way to meet someone new. It isn't like the films, trying to book 3 dates into 1 weekend because you wont have another free day for 2 weeks only to find they are all losers and you have wasted your only precious time off and then have to go back to being a single parent every day. It's hard. Its pretty shit tbh. It's not necessarily going to be a fairytale and certainly not immediately.

That being said, if you are genuinely unhappy in your relationship you should consider your options. Boredom isnt the same as being unhappy, boredom can be worked on. But dont be afraid to walk awayif you really dont love your partner

'Obsessive' love doesn't sound like healthy love.

Being obsessed with someone smacks of a certain level of wanting to control them and a weird neediness.

If you're not happy in your relationship then you need to do something to improve things or leave but don't upend you and your family's lives because you think that there is someone out there who is going to fulfil some teenage fantasy that you have in your head.

Films are there to entertain; it's not real life and you're not living in a film.

For me personally, releationships are all about compromise, you might find someone who hugs and kisses you randomly, but what thing are you willing to drop in your fairy tale to get that?

I love my partner to death, but I do know that if we split up or he dies, I am not going to be looking into getting into another relationship, I cant compromise on things again

They do exist.🙂

Cuddles are important.🙂