To let her sleep over...

[Polly099]

My DH and I are going out on Saturday night with some friends. I have asked my Mum to come round and look after my 2 DC's (7 & 8). She is more than happy to and they have a lovely time together. My daughter has asked if they could instead sleep at Grandma's house. I said yes but DH has said no! He doesn't really like my Mum - all his issues and he does make it hard sometimes with them.

Anyway his reasons to her were that he doesn't want them to stay over as him and DS have to be up for a football match early at 9ish. Its doable though my Mum lives 10 mins away. My daughter was a bit sad about it. Am I unreasonable to go against what he said and tell her they can sleep over.

Why does your husband not want your parents looking after your children? Have they ever slept over before?

Yes they have slept over many times before but only really when we need them to, so when we are away at a wedding or something similar. I just feel like she is old enough to ask to sleep at Grandma's. He makes things hard when it's my family- doesn't particularly like my Mum.

He's being pathetic

So your mum is good enough to look after them, but on his terms? No I wouldn't accept this. He doesn't get the final say.

If I was your mum I'd tell him to stick the babysitting, to do him a favour, right up his arse

Your husband is being completely unreasonable and a massive twat. If I was your mum, and at inconvenience to you (sorry) I'd say no to looking after them at all if that's how he feels. He's happy for her to come over and watch them till you get back, then I suppose she has to make her own way back to her house, when it'll be loads easier to have them there???? I'd just let them stop at your lovely mums. I have had the same problems with my other half, and now my mum won't babysit if it means he's getting something out of it, as she's not doing his a favour, so it means I now have to find someone else if it means both of us going out, and he doesn't see the problem.

*him a favour

Assuming his reasons for disliking her ARE petty I'd tell him to grow the fuck up and stop being an inconsiderate twat!

He's happy for the dc to stay over if it's convenient to him?!

Like pps if I were your mum I'd be telling him to stick it!

I don't see a 10 min detour to mums on way to footy as terribly onerous or is it 20? Even then no biggie

I don't think my husband has ever said "no" to any decision I have made. I'd laugh at him if he did.

Do what works for you, OP.

Why are you letting your husband be a dick to your mum? Your kids will pick up on his dislike towards her and it will confuse them. You need to have a conversation with him.

What does your mum want?

Would she rather have them at yours and dip out when you get home. Or would she rather be in her own home and have them collected in the morning?

Your husband is being controlling in my opinion. He's putting you in an awkward position here.

He's being a dick. Issues between adults should not involve kids..... In this scenario anyway. Obviously abusers, narcs, low contact relationships are different.

YANBU, he is happy for them to sleepover when it suits him!
Also at 7 and 8 I think they are definitely old enough to be sleeping over and if they are asking to then they obviously enjoy it.

So he's okay with her babysitting at yours but not at her house? What is the difference?

Sorry but I'd be telling him he's a selfish ridiculous prat and sticking up for your mum here! If she's good enough to babysit at yours, she's good enough to babysit at her house!

Your husband sounds like an absolute cock.

What has your mum ever done to him?

If my husband was so blatant in his dislike for my mum, I highly doubt he would be my husband for very long.

I do hope there isn't a massive dripfeed coming up though.

Unless there's some undisclosed child welfare issues here, he is being massively unreasonable. He wants her to do the childcare but under his set conditions? No - he can't have his cake and eat it too.

Not really sure what the issue is with him and my Mum TBH, we were all really close until the kids came along then he became really funny about when we were being asked to do things with them. The issue with him is he is never willing to have a mature discussion about anything - I am always the one who is in the wrong or I am causing an argument.
I posted at the beginning of the year about us going on a family holiday with my Mum for her 60th and him not wanting to go but also not wanting us to go.

I just know it will cause issues if I fight it and my Mum is honestly happy either way, it's my daughter that was asking to have a sleepover at Grandma's.

I posted at the beginning of the year about us going on a family holiday with my Mum for her 60th and him not wanting to go but also not wanting us to go.

I remember this. Your husband is an arsehole. You should have left him ages ago.

Who exactly does your husband think he is? He sounds so arrogant and horrible.

What gives him the idea that he rules the roost?

@Polly099 because your DH has issues with your mum (not bad enough issues to not want her to babysit or let them stay when it suits him) he is willing to cause upset to his daughter? She seems to be the only one this will really affect in that she wants to stay at her grannies. He sounds horrible.

Oh wow. He sounds like a prize twat. Keep your mum, ditch your H.

Obnoxious behaviour by your DH, I'm sorry OP.

Your mums only 'happy either way' because she doesn't want to rock the boat for you

He has said this morning he will ask his Mum to do it if there is a problem with mine coming here. I've said that isn't the issue it's the fact that DC asked to stay over.
Really not sure whether to have the fight and he will be an arse for days or to just tell DC Grandma is coming here this time.

Rather than him telling you. You tell him. This is controlling