To stay with him after this?

[VolvicRevive]

Hi,

I've posted a few times before but NC'd for this as it is a totally different topic.

I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. When I first met him he had a cat called Gus. Gus is lovely and really friendly and my boyfriend clearly loves him.

Back in late February I found out I have a severe allergy to cats and antihistamines alone are not enough for my symptoms as the cat dander makes my throat swell.

I told my boyfriend this and showed him proof as he didn't believe me at first. We live separate so this is not an issue in my home. He told me in march that one day he would like to live together and I explained I would too and would try to find a way to manage my allergies so gus could also be apart of the plan.

Fast forward 3 months with no progress of my allergy and many trips to the doctors office, they have said I have tried everything possible to eliminate my allergy.

One month after this my boyfriend brings home another cat and only told me once he Had it. I asked him why he had got another one knowing my allergies are so bad. He said that it didn't matter as I'm allergic to one, what's another going to do?

I explained by having another cat it doubles the dander produced and makes my allergies twice as bad, as if thrown swelling isn't enough.

Would you stay with him after this or would this be it for you? I feel disrespected and like he hasn't considered me at all.

Sorry its a long post thank-you for reading x

You'll never be able to stay at his place or live together, so it depends on what you want from the relationship really.

My partners son is allergic to cats and dogs and has reactions when he is in proximity to someone who has been near a cat or dad (dander on their clothes). Even if you don't go to his, he could still bring the dander to you

I would say he just isn't that into you, sorry.
Would you have done the same if it was the other way around?

He's made a decision that will last for a long time (cats can live for over 20 years) that isn't medically suitable for you. He's made a long term decision for his future that definitely did not include you.

Let him enjoy his cats, find someone else more compatible with you.

My cat is almost 20, he's made a long term commitment which prohibits you living together.

Yeah it's not going to work

I wouldn't stay. He has demonstrated his priority and it is not you. The relationship has no future.

As others have said... He's making long term decisions which don't factor you in.

He’s not thinking of you is he, I’d LTB

Can you imagine actively doing something to make the person you love unwell?

No. Me neither. You’d be an idiot to stay. I’m guessing with the name change you’ve been told this before.

I think he's put his love for cats before his wish for you to live together. Are you happy to continue the relationship living separately?

My cats are hugely important to me, so I sympathise with him to an extent - I can understand him not wanting to rehome Gus, but I don't think he should have got another cat if he was serious about living with you.

Cats give off varying levels of allergens - generally speaking, males give off more than females and unneutered cats give off more than neutered ones, but also it can be purely genetic. He could have worked with you to try to find a cat that was naturally less allergenic, although this would probably involve trial and error, meeting different cats and so on.

People who don't have allergies just don't understand allergies. Especially pet people who often think the "allergy" is just an excuse or a different way of saying "I don't like".

He’s thoughtless - probably cos he’s young.

Tell him you have to break up with him due to the cats.

His reaction will speak volumes.

Nope as there is literally no point is there?

That would be it for me, frankly. He made you 'prove' that Gus made you ill - and then deliberately got another cat.

That's a bit of a 'wow' moment, surely?

You deserve to be with someone that considers your needs. I wouldn't continue the relationship in your shoes. Cats can live for over 20 years!

*some people who don't have allergies

These responses validate how I feel thank you. I didn't want to over react. Cats can live over 20 years. Gus is around 6 years old so it's like he has started the process all over again.

I never wanted him to remove Gus as I know what he means to my boyfriend and he is a lovely little cat.

I just don't think he considered me when he wanted us to live together one day (as did i).

How could he expect me to live with 2 cats.

I'm really upset by it. I know we haven't been together long but I thought we were on the same page as we are both 31 x

That's really disappointing he's not taken you into consideration whatsoever. Sorry OP :( I would move on. But easy for me to say.

His cats are more important than living with you

I would take the fact that he’s got another cat knowing you’re allergic as a massive hint that your relationship isn’t exactly a priority

By the way its not the dander you are allergic to cats have an enzyme in their saliva that some people react to seems to be female cats have this more than male ones, and as a cat licks itself clean this is where the allergy comes from ,you can buy wipes i think their called petal that you can wipe the cat down with it reduces the allergens on the cats fur , but yes if was your DP knowing you have a severe reaction i certainly would not have got another cat

Yes this. Just move on.

I would leave him and google health kinesiology as I have seen it have success with friends who had severe allergies to pets / dust etc and it was effecting their abilities to work.

I'd choose my cats over a relationship any day.