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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stay with him after this?

44 replies

VolvicRevive · 20/11/2022 19:16

Hi,

I've posted a few times before but NC'd for this as it is a totally different topic.

I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. When I first met him he had a cat called Gus. Gus is lovely and really friendly and my boyfriend clearly loves him.

Back in late February I found out I have a severe allergy to cats and antihistamines alone are not enough for my symptoms as the cat dander makes my throat swell.

I told my boyfriend this and showed him proof as he didn't believe me at first. We live separate so this is not an issue in my home. He told me in march that one day he would like to live together and I explained I would too and would try to find a way to manage my allergies so gus could also be apart of the plan.

Fast forward 3 months with no progress of my allergy and many trips to the doctors office, they have said I have tried everything possible to eliminate my allergy.

One month after this my boyfriend brings home another cat and only told me once he Had it. I asked him why he had got another one knowing my allergies are so bad. He said that it didn't matter as I'm allergic to one, what's another going to do?

I explained by having another cat it doubles the dander produced and makes my allergies twice as bad, as if thrown swelling isn't enough.

Would you stay with him after this or would this be it for you? I feel disrespected and like he hasn't considered me at all.

Sorry its a long post thank-you for reading x

OP posts:
Original poster
VolvicRevive · 20/11/2022 21:06

@Bestcatmum this is about the second cat he got after he knew about my severe allergies?

OP posts:
redbigbananafeet · 20/11/2022 21:11

He knows that cat is for the next ten years. Clear he does not think you are.

pictish · 20/11/2022 21:13

Well, nothing says it like getting another cat.

pinkfondu · 20/11/2022 21:13

His actions are loud and clear

Pixiedust1234 · 20/11/2022 21:14

He's deliberately shown you what he thinks of you. He went and got another cat after you had medically proved you are seriously allergic to cats.

Either he doesn't care enough about you or he's testing your boundaries (and still doesn't care). Walk away and find someone who does care about you.

Thatiswild · 20/11/2022 21:19

As someone who hasn’t been able to enter my FIL’s house for over 10 years due to their cat I totally get how you feel. I have never expected them to remove their cat obviously as he’s part of their life, but I could not stay there or live there so in your situation I’d feel this was a big signal really, I’m sorry.

OnTheBoardwalk · 20/11/2022 21:19

Agree he's not considered you or doesn’t care about your allergy and is making a point

Absolutely get you don't have an issue with Gus even with the allergy

Gus at 6 years could have an issue with a new cat now being introduced

Santagiveyoursackawash · 20/11/2022 21:21

He wanted to be doubley certain your toothbrush wouldn't be in his bathroom
..

Original poster
VolvicRevive · 20/11/2022 21:23

I'm really glad there are people on this thread who understand, I've even had to go to urgent care to sort out a reaction to Gus, my boyfriend even came with me.

I wish he respected me more but actions speak louder than words.

It's gus I feel sorry for as he Is now having to share time and attention with another cat he isn't too keen on as well.

OP posts:
SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 20/11/2022 21:28

Boyfriend is not such a nice guy. Cats live a long time. I got my kid two cats instead of hamsters and those sweet little cats were with us after our kid left home, 18 years each - a good life for a cat, the vet said average life for a little pus is 16 years. Fuck this guy off, he does not care enough about you. You can do better.

TeaAndTattoos · 20/11/2022 21:29

He’s telling how he really feels about you and the relationship he doesn’t care. He knows how severely allergic you are to cats and yet he’s gone ahead and got another one he obviously didn’t mean it when he said that he wanted to live together. You can do better than him leave him and his cats to enjoy their lives and you move on with yours.

Shoemadlady · 20/11/2022 21:32

At first glance I'd say he's a coward who doesn't have the guts to say he doesn't want to be in the relationship. However he might be honest when not realising two cats = twice as bad allergies.
If you want the relationship to continue speak to your GP about allergy immunotherapy. It's amazing

Lerk · 20/11/2022 21:33

Slight tangent of a story:

I’m obsessed with peanut butter, always have been. Peanut butter is life!

When my DD was born I went cold turkey until six months so that we’d avoid allergy issues. At six months we tried her with some, immediate reaction ensued, of course following allergy assessments she is a peanut allergy sufferer.

I stopped eating peanut butter and will never do so again. Because she is more important than life.

LucySno · 20/11/2022 21:34

Leave him to become a crazy old cat gentleman on his own.

Agapornis · 20/11/2022 21:56

Your BF is being inconsiderate, but my advice as an allergic cat lady: my level of allergic-ness varies from cat to cat. The quickest way to find out is to give one a good sniff and cuddle and see how my nose and throat respond. You should get tested for asthma btw - inhaler steroids have massively reduced my symptoms. I also find I get used to individual cats i.e. the longer I live with them, the less it affects me.

XanaduKira · 20/11/2022 22:08

I'd say he's just not that into you Op, sorry. He's made a decision about his future with no consideration for you.

racquel86 · 20/11/2022 22:12

You will always come second to the cat ...... cat men/people cannot and will not put anything before their cat! I speak from experience with my partner 🤣🤣🤣

sorchaedwards · 20/11/2022 22:13

I adore cats and I always knew I wanted them in my life. When my boyfriend and I bought our first house and got 2 kittens, it became apparent he was probably allergic to the cats. Although he has allergies to lots of things and suffers with eczema and asthma regardless, so could never be 100% sure.

We had a lot of difficult conversations about giving up the cats, but we both loved them and the thought of re-homing was too upsetting. In the end, he's got used to cats and isn't allergic anymore. Apparently that happens once your body gets used to the allergen, however I totally understand not everyone would want to go through this. Have you looked up Immunotherapy?

We are married now and still have our wonderful cats ( he's prob more obsessed than me now). I loved my husband and wanted to be with him, but I sympathise with your boyfriend as I just really couldn't imagine my life without cats either. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, might just mean he really, really likes cats and doesn't want to commit to a life without them? Getting a new one was on odd choice though, I can't deny that.

Hope you figure it out

babysharksb1tch · 20/11/2022 22:42

@Lerk that's such a shame. I have an allergy baby too. We were told to actively eat all allergens during first six months of her life and not avoid them, I wonder why you were told differently? I always wonder if I could have avoided my daughters milk allergy.

OP. I think your boyfriend is speaking loud and clear. I'm so sorry. What an absolute bellend he is.

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