My husband has decided to try out new sexual ideas, which worries me a lot!

[user201122]

I have my NC because I am really nervous and hesitant to write this post and don't want it to link to any of my previous posts.

We've been married for nearly seven years and have a two-year-old daughter. We are happily married, and we both enjoy our sexual relationship, but I've recently noticed some strange behaviour in my husband during sex, such as the last few times he requested anal sex and tried to force it on me, but I politely refused. On the most recent occasion, I was firm and said "no" to him.

We have been together for nine years; we dated for two years before getting married, and he has never expressed an interest before. I'm curious where he got these ideas from. He goes on business trips, and last summer he spent two weeks in Dubai. I'm not sure if that's relevant to my issue. I am worried and not sure if he has started watching porn. I'm not sure if it's phasic or if I'm just overthinking it and becoming paranoid.

I have never done anal sex before, and frankly, the idea of anal sex does not arouse me a bit.

I'm at a loss for what to do, and it's straining our sexual relationship. Part of me feels like I should just compromise, and the other says not to. I feel so sad knowing that I'm not giving my husband what he wants. I don't want my family or our relationship to suffer because of my choice. I really do not know how to handle this situation.

Am I being too selfish?

God no. Could you have a frank chat? I'd be suspicious of a porn link too.

I don't want my family or our relationship to suffer because of my choice.

It’s your husband that should be saying this, not you.

Please don’t agree to this. Anal sex can be very physically damaging ( leaving aside the psychological connotations). There will be people along soon to tell you how great it is and how you are a prude not to do it.
Ignore them.

Never do something sexually that you describe as “not arouse me a bit”.
some things you can be ‘meh’ about and be ok with doing to please your partner but this doesn’t sound like one of those

Yes, it's porn.

But worse it sounds like sexual assault. the last few times he requested anal sex and tried to force it on me, but I politely refused. You don't get to do anything without consent. That goes double for anything new.

I'd leave if DH tried to force a sexual act on me. I'm concerned you seem to not know that's an assault.

I am tempted to say ‘ Tell him to stick it up his bum’ but I expect I will be moderated. But it’s a wet Sunday….

What do you mean by compromise?

Tell him no. End of. His wanting for it doesn't trump your not wanting it and it sounds like he needs to learn boundaries.

If he attempts it during sex, then it wouldn't be happening again as he clearly thinks it's ok to do this.

Porn porn porn porn
I'd have a very Frank conversation and ask how he'd feel if you repeatedly attempted to coerce him into things he didn't want to do?

I would be telling him that anal sex is never happening, conversation over. It is extremely alarming that he tried to force this on you. I don't think I'd be able to get beyond that.

Compromise by buying a big dildo and forcing that up his arse.

He's an abusive wanker.

The fact that a woman had to ask if she’s being selfish for not allowing a man to penetrate her arsehole for his exclusive pleasure is stomach-turning.

I had a boyfriend once who was on me persistently trying to get me to agree to anal. I was adamant that I didn’t want to. One day, while we were having sex and I was on my front while he was behind, he just … put it in. No preparation, no warning, no foreplay before hand and no lube. It was AGONY. Sorry for TMI but never forget that and how much of an absolute prick he was. In hindsight I’m pretty sure that was sexual assault as he did it without my consent.

anyway. Fuck your partner. And don’t let him make you do anything you aren’t comfortable with. You aren’t an object that exists merely for his sexual gratification.

In hindsight I’m pretty sure that was sexual assault as he did it without my consent.

It was sexual assault. So sorry that happened @Sierra1961

If it's something you're not comfortable with don't do it! Porn is not reality.

I was so upset that my thread was deleted that I finally got in touch with MNHQ and demanded that it be reinstated. It was extremely inconvenient and took almost a day to fix. Another issue to resolve....😡😡

Try showing “😡😡” to your husband that you had to tell multiple times not to push anal sex on you. What a horrid man he is.

Tell your a giver and feel it’s better to give than receive

I can relate to that, exact scenario except he'd never even discussed it, just tried it on. Yes to the pain. 😖

OP you need to be firm with him and suggest he try it out and you get a large turnip and shove it up his arse.

Deffo watching porn but that's whatever. Possibly something happened in Dubai, a lot of sex workers out there.
I would just tell him anal is for gay men.

WTAF 😡😡😡

Are you the ignorant fuckwit husband?

He tried to force it on you and you politely refused? Where is your outrage, tell him to fuck right off!!! Do NOT agree to this to keep him happy OP, you don't want to do it and you shouldn't have to.

There's 2 issues here. Are you being selfish for not doing anal? No. Its not abnormal to not want to do this. The majority of people don't.
Now to the sudden change....its probably not 'sudden'. I dare say he's thought about it before, but lately he's been thinking about it more. Would it really upset you or put s strain on hour marriage if he had been watching porn? I'd say he most likely has done, whether on his mobile or in Dubai...which is a hotbed of sexual activity btw.
If porn bothers you,is it the type of porn, or porn in general. If you're feeling 'generous' have a nose yourself,see what's about n see if any of it arouses you. Maybe find a shared genre. If this is distasteful to you don't do it!
If your marriage can't survive without anal sex is it worth saving.

You are right. That's rape.