My husband has decided to try out new sexual ideas, which worries me a lot!

28 replies

user201122 · 20/11/2022 16:08

I have my NC because I am really nervous and hesitant to write this post and don't want it to link to any of my previous posts.

We've been married for nearly seven years and have a two-year-old daughter. We are happily married, and we both enjoy our sexual relationship, but I've recently noticed some strange behaviour in my husband during sex, such as the last few times he requested anal sex and tried to force it on me, but I politely refused. On the most recent occasion, I was firm and said "no" to him.

We have been together for nine years; we dated for two years before getting married, and he has never expressed an interest before. I'm curious where he got these ideas from. He goes on business trips, and last summer he spent two weeks in Dubai. I'm not sure if that's relevant to my issue. I am worried and not sure if he has started watching porn. I'm not sure if it's phasic or if I'm just overthinking it and becoming paranoid.

I have never done anal sex before, and frankly, the idea of anal sex does not arouse me a bit.

I'm at a loss for what to do, and it's straining our sexual relationship. Part of me feels like I should just compromise, and the other says not to. I feel so sad knowing that I'm not giving my husband what he wants. I don't want my family or our relationship to suffer because of my choice. I really do not know how to handle this situation.

Am I being too selfish?

OP posts:

CherryMaDeara · 08/10/2023 22:49

JudgeRudy · 24/09/2023 22:51

There's 2 issues here. Are you being selfish for not doing anal? No. Its not abnormal to not want to do this. The majority of people don't.
Now to the sudden change....its probably not 'sudden'. I dare say he's thought about it before, but lately he's been thinking about it more. Would it really upset you or put s strain on hour marriage if he had been watching porn? I'd say he most likely has done, whether on his mobile or in Dubai...which is a hotbed of sexual activity btw.
If porn bothers you,is it the type of porn, or porn in general. If you're feeling 'generous' have a nose yourself,see what's about n see if any of it arouses you. Maybe find a shared genre. If this is distasteful to you don't do it!
If your marriage can't survive without anal sex is it worth saving.

Wtf. Porn exploits women, no one should be advising anyone to watch it.

And especially not for a man who tries to force his wife to have anal sex.

Grammarnut · 08/10/2023 22:53

Don't agree to anal sex. There is no sexual satisfaction in it for a woman, it can be painful and it is physically damaging - especially so to women because the anal tissue is much more delicate. Also, it is the ultimate act of humiliation/domination from a male pov. Tell him 'no, never' and address the fact he tried to force you - that is an issue you need to look at.

Source of his interest likely to be porn, or maybe Dubai.

ntmdino · 08/10/2023 22:55

The obvious thing to do is just say, "OK then, you can take it first, and if you're still enthusiastic we can carry on the conversation where you try to persuade me it's a good idea".

99% of the time, that stops it dead.

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