Expecting to be invited to a family holiday ?

[Honeyandlemonnn]

Growing up i did not grow up with my mum. I grew up with my dad and his wife and their two children age 21 and 7. Anyways I have always gone on holidays with them as i lived in the house etc. I recently these past 2 years move out and had a baby. So they recently went on holiday to somewhere in europe for a week. However no one told me or mentioned it to me until they were about to go. It did feel like they intentionally tried to hide this for me as everyone else in our extended family except me was aware of them going away. In addition to this my dad bought a ticket and invited my cousin to tag along with them. I felt a little upset that i wasn't invited. But was even more upset at the fact that he chose to buy my cousin a ticket instead of me. Personally i wouldnt have expected to be bought a ticket if i went but the fact that he could afford an extra ticket and didnt think to buy it for me was upsetting. My son at the time wasnt even 2 at the time so i believe it would have been free for him to travel. Even if it wasnt free i would have covered it. Anyways I believe this stems down to my step mother not ever liking me and always tried to exclude me growing up from the rest of the family but my issue isnt with heras i cant force someone to like me, its more directed towards my dad. After i heard about the trip i called her asking her how come no one mentioned they had plans to travel and kept it secret around me. She told me it was a last minute trip that they had just planned a week prior. However after speaking to my aunt ( my cousins mum ) she told me that wasnt true they had asked her a few weeks ago in advance in order to ask for permission to take her child as she is underage. Additionally my aunt said she and her whole family were invited to the trip prior to them inviting my cousin alone but she decline due to finances and work etc so then they took her daughter.
Anyways i am wondering if i am over exaggerating by being a little upset by this, especially since my child is my dads first grandchild and would assume he would love to build memories with him.

@gogohmm She is not in education

Totally agree, my mum didn’t include me in her holidays once i had moved out.

Does her dd have a dp and a child?

@Bananarama21 no she doesnt. Maybe that makes a difference.

I have already explained why i did above. But to cut a long explanation short it is because my dad had told me that he thought that she had told me about the holiday

Clearly it does I expect she lives with them too?

Ok that wasn’t written in your OP.

I don’t think your dad is innocent in this as he went out of his way to pay for someone else’s ticket, if he thought you knew surely he’d offer to pay for yours too. Personally I would be hurt and would go low contact at the least. You having a child and being independent is irrelevant but make sure you hold your dad accountable.

Yes i held him accountable. Thats why i said in the post my issue isnt with her as i cant change how she feels towards me but I mainly feeling hurt towards him. I have gone low contact at the moment not due to this but also in addition to similar issues but just wanted to know if im being dramatic about feeling hurt which is why i wrote the post

Some posters seem to have missed the bit about the aunt and her baby and toddler being invited

I should have written this in the post. But didnt think it was relevant until posters mentioned an issue with my toddler coming.

Well you now know how they really feel about you. Stay LC and focus on your baby. It’s not on you to improve this relationship it’s on them.

You’re an adult now and you don’t need to be invited on ever holiday they go on. It’s clear your SM isn’t keen on you so she won’t want you on ever holiday they go on now you are an adult with your own child.

Also bringing a toddler on a city break is a pain in the ass and not as relaxing as without a toddler.

I'm nearly 40 and still have an annual holiday with my parents- sometimes twice (very normal where I am). My siblings often come to, not all the time but whoever is organising/ booking always asks the others (unless it's a purely nuclear family holiday). I'd be hurt too but you need to address with your dad. It's not your sm responsibility to invite you.

I know families who holiday together and that means toddlers come too and babies and other age kids. The point being that the family is going on holiday. Not every family does this (mine doesn't) but it's not that unusual!

OP as one of the few here who has RTFT I'd be extremely hurt in these circumstances, especially as your father is your family.

Do what another poster said about going out for coffee with him - and him alone. Tell him how you feel. You are definitely not being ridiculous about how you feel. Not even remotely. And it's got nothing to do with your age either, or the fact you have a toddler.

Talk to him about it in a non-blaming/accusatory way. Not because he deserves that, but because it's how you'll increase the chance to get him to take on board what you're saying. Tell him you feel hurt and left out, you and your child excluded, he's your dad and DC's grandfather and you want them to have a good connection. Tell him everything - cards on table. But do not criticise bitch his wife as that makes it you against her which is not going to get you anywhere good.

And then watch his replies and behaviour. If he takes what you're saying on board then good. But if he denies things, says you're overreacting (again, you're not), minimises things, then going ahead you need sadly to keep low contact as all that will happen is you get hurt again and again.

No one who isn't the child's parents wants a holiday with a toddler.

Her SM and Dad clearly did because they invited her aunt’s toddler and baby.

I am a SM. DSC always came on all holidays with us, but now they are older and moved out/working, we just take our DC, who are still at school.

I wouldn’t expect to take grown adults on holiday. Inviting another family for company, if their children get on with your children, is different.

But it's not just any other grown adult - it's their daughter/stepdaughter. Besides, OP's step mum's 21yo adult daughter was invited. OP's 16 year old cousin was invited and paid for (and not as a playmate for the 7yo). And OP's aunt was invited who also has a toddler like OP. So your comment is not too relevant to OP's situation.

Not sure in what world the majority of the posters on this thread live, but in those circumstances it would be very hurtful to be excluded from the family in that way, and for the information to be concealed.

I would be hurt by this. I would have a word with your dad, maybe when they have been and are back home. I would tell him that you did not know about the holiday and ask outright why you weren't invited. I would then tell him you were very hurt to be excluded.