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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting to be invited to a family holiday ?

69 replies

Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 12:36

Growing up i did not grow up with my mum. I grew up with my dad and his wife and their two children age 21 and 7. Anyways I have always gone on holidays with them as i lived in the house etc. I recently these past 2 years move out and had a baby. So they recently went on holiday to somewhere in europe for a week. However no one told me or mentioned it to me until they were about to go. It did feel like they intentionally tried to hide this for me as everyone else in our extended family except me was aware of them going away. In addition to this my dad bought a ticket and invited my cousin to tag along with them. I felt a little upset that i wasn't invited. But was even more upset at the fact that he chose to buy my cousin a ticket instead of me. Personally i wouldnt have expected to be bought a ticket if i went but the fact that he could afford an extra ticket and didnt think to buy it for me was upsetting. My son at the time wasnt even 2 at the time so i believe it would have been free for him to travel. Even if it wasnt free i would have covered it. Anyways I believe this stems down to my step mother not ever liking me and always tried to exclude me growing up from the rest of the family but my issue isnt with heras i cant force someone to like me, its more directed towards my dad. After i heard about the trip i called her asking her how come no one mentioned they had plans to travel and kept it secret around me. She told me it was a last minute trip that they had just planned a week prior. However after speaking to my aunt ( my cousins mum ) she told me that wasnt true they had asked her a few weeks ago in advance in order to ask for permission to take her child as she is underage. Additionally my aunt said she and her whole family were invited to the trip prior to them inviting my cousin alone but she decline due to finances and work etc so then they took her daughter.
Anyways i am wondering if i am over exaggerating by being a little upset by this, especially since my child is my dads first grandchild and would assume he would love to build memories with him.

OP posts:
TomTraubertsBlues · 20/11/2022 15:13

The cousin that is going on the holiday - are they a child?

Are they going as company for the 7 year old?

Poppins2016 · 20/11/2022 15:14

Then he mentioned that he is surprised i didnt know because his wife told him said she mentioned it to me. Which is why i rang her up because i was confused because that didnt happen

Is it possible that your dad thinks his wife asked you?

I could see someone saying "don't worry, I'll mention it and see if she wants to come" and then forgetting accidentally on purpose...

Bananarama21 · 20/11/2022 15:20

How old are you? Very odd to want to be included in a family holiday when your settled with your own family unit with a toddler. I'm guessing your older sister hasn't get a dp and a young child. It completely changes the dynamics.

Maxiedog123 · 20/11/2022 15:21

It does sound a bit from the conversation you had with your Dad that he thought your step mum had invited you . Perhaps your step mum "forgot" on purpose, perhaps both thought the other one would do the asking. It should really have come from your Dad but maybe he is one who leaves all life admin "wife work" to your step mum.

plusk · 20/11/2022 15:22

Cant you just talk to your father about it?

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 20/11/2022 15:23

You don't live with them anymore. You've got a child. You are a separate household and they aren't obliged to invite you. That's what happens when we grow up.

I'm a bit muddled by the ages - your dad and his second wife have a 21 year old and a 7 year old? So how old were you when they got together... I'm guessing very young?

It sounds like you haven't made the mental leap to "And now I'm living my own life" and still think you're part of the household.

They invited the aunt and cousins either because they enjoy their company or as company for the 7yo.

NumberTheory · 20/11/2022 15:29

I’m not surprised you’re hurt, OP. I think you should go see your dad, invite him out for a coffee or a drink or something, just the two of you, and ask him about it. Tell him your hurt and that you enjoy spending time with them and want your DC to grow up with strong bonds with them all.

MustBeTrueThen · 20/11/2022 16:23

Mumsnet as usual just being ridiculous in their replies! Of course this is horrible OP, clearly a reason why she didn't bother telling you. I would go and speak to them both and say you know they organised much earlier than they have said and you know they intentionally left you out, so can they now be bold enough to explain why...x

maddy68 · 20/11/2022 16:26

I think once you are no longer living in the house you don't go on family holidays. You are an adult with your own family now. Go on your own.

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:43

@Rosie22xx Thanks i agree

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:46

TomTraubertsBlues · 20/11/2022 15:13

The cousin that is going on the holiday - are they a child?

Are they going as company for the 7 year old?

No the cousin is 16

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:49

Bananarama21 · 20/11/2022 15:20

How old are you? Very odd to want to be included in a family holiday when your settled with your own family unit with a toddler. I'm guessing your older sister hasn't get a dp and a young child. It completely changes the dynamics.

Im 25

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:50

Maxiedog123 · 20/11/2022 15:21

It does sound a bit from the conversation you had with your Dad that he thought your step mum had invited you . Perhaps your step mum "forgot" on purpose, perhaps both thought the other one would do the asking. It should really have come from your Dad but maybe he is one who leaves all life admin "wife work" to your step mum.

Yes he is the the type that does that. But that does make sense

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:52

plusk · 20/11/2022 15:22

Cant you just talk to your father about it?

Yes i did want to mention it if the conversation came up but i wasnt sure if i was being ridiculous by even being bothered by it so i guess i wanted to figure out if i am possibly wrong for feeling how i feel

OP posts:
Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:55

@NumberTheory Sounds like a good idea

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 20/11/2022 17:03

I think the people saying YABU haven't read your other posts where you say about your aunt and her toddler and baby being invited as well as your adult sister.

You're definitely not unreasonable and I would make time to speak to your Dad about it as it does sound like she's lied to him about inviting you. If you don't do it this time, she'll keep on doing it.

IamtheElephant · 20/11/2022 17:13

MustBeTrueThen · 20/11/2022 16:23

Mumsnet as usual just being ridiculous in their replies! Of course this is horrible OP, clearly a reason why she didn't bother telling you. I would go and speak to them both and say you know they organised much earlier than they have said and you know they intentionally left you out, so can they now be bold enough to explain why...x

I completely agree.
They lied to you on purpose, of course you are hurt!

MadMadMadamMim · 20/11/2022 17:17

You moved out 2 years ago and had a baby. You are independent and (presumably) grown up.

Why should you be treated like a child and taken away on holiday? Agree with others saying that taking a toddler on holiday is an utter pain and I wouldn't want to do it.

TomTraubertsBlues · 20/11/2022 17:53

Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 16:46

No the cousin is 16

Show quote history

OK, so they are a child?

It's a lot more normal to invite a child to join your holiday than it is to invite an adult with a family of their own.

Bananarama21 · 20/11/2022 18:28

Your 25 you shouldn't need to be holidaying with your df and sm. I'm not surprised your sm is putting boundaries in place. Your an adult with your own home and child. Go on holiday with your own family. It's not normal to expect to go on holidays with your df when your in your mid 20s with a child of your own.

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 22:20

TomTraubertsBlues · 20/11/2022 17:53

OK, so they are a child?

It's a lot more normal to invite a child to join your holiday than it is to invite an adult with a family of their own.

Show quote history

Yes they are a child which is what i said. I was asked the age of the cousin and if they were brought as company for the 7-year-old therefore that was my response

OP posts:
gogohmm · 20/11/2022 22:23

You have moved out, perhaps they knew you couldn't afford it. I haven't taken my kids from 18

gogohmm · 20/11/2022 22:26

Is the 21 year old still in education? Makes a difference

Original poster
Honeyandlemonnn · 20/11/2022 22:32

Bananarama21 · 20/11/2022 18:28

Your 25 you shouldn't need to be holidaying with your df and sm. I'm not surprised your sm is putting boundaries in place. Your an adult with your own home and child. Go on holiday with your own family. It's not normal to expect to go on holidays with your df when your in your mid 20s with a child of your own.

My sm is putting boundaries in place to me but not everyone else ? Seems unfair. It would have been very different if her, my father and their child went together. But her adult daughter who is also living an independent life tagged along. Others family members were invited , dont see why i couldnt have been extended an invitation under those conditions. Then on top of that they were not honest and lied about the whole thing. Clearly im hurt by all of that , not because i couldnt go on holiday

OP posts:
magma32 · 20/11/2022 22:32

How come you asked your step mum and not your dad, seeing as he’s the one who paid for your cousin to attend? Strange you say she’s never liked you but you then go to her and then your cousin’s mum but not your dad? Makes me think you enjoy the drama.