Am I mediocre?

[Livingtothefull]

Sitting up late of an evening as I often do:

My disabled DS has kept us busy today on what is ostensibly our day off. It has been a stressful week, I haven't been well (stress related) and DH has just been working flat out.

DS has had a bad cold so we put him to bed and he slept for a couple of hours. Then he woke up and wanted to come downstairs.

I could tell by the smell that he needed cleaning, and indeed he did. Cleaning an incontinent adult is not like cleaning a baby; they produce so much more that needs cleaning. 20 minutes, two bin bags and three packs of wipes later I had finally accomplished it.

30 mins later - more shit. This time it was DH's turn, at least there are 2 of us to deal with it. One set of pyjamas and an entire set of bedclothes needing washing.

Whilst stripping the bed we realised that he had left a trail of shit all the way down the carpeted stairs (he can't walk so has to bottom shuffle down). So lots of shampooing and scrubbing needed. This is supposed to be our time off?

I dearly love my DS. But I sure as hell don't love what comes out of him. Does that make me a terrible person, less than saintly?

After DS had gone to bed it transpired that he had broken his IPad again. We have had it repaired twice and just can't afford to keep getting it done....but he relies on it for much of his entertainment at home, it gives him great joy. What to do?

Many people like to feel that we are destined for great things and scorn mediocrity. I am no exception; but I don't know how I am supposed to rise above this sort of life? After all, you can't get much more mediocre than shit.

You are an absolute star. Do you get any respite care?

Don't feel ashamed, you are doing your very best and his character, and your love, shines through in how you speak about him. You are far, far from mediocre.

As a fellow mum of a disabled young adult thank you for your honesty. It helps to know you’re not alone but goodness it’s difficult sometimes.

I really don't understand why this thread has a trigger warning in the title.

I seem to regularly open threads that have photos of poo filled nappies or mysterious things people have found on loo paper, but mentioning incontinence needs a trigger warning? Unbelievable.

three packs of wipes?

why do you keep saying this thread has ‘triggered’ people, why do you think that?

Op , I feel humbled reading your post, respect to you , I’d like a fraction of your strength. Best wishes to you and your family .

Bless you, @Livingtothefull
I hope you get help & support.. & I get the dealing with benefits.. (don't give up)
I will keep you in my prayers, for strength - & a sense of humour.. it helps.. as a PP said, most of us lead mediocre lives, I guess that's the way it's meant to be.. we can't all shine, most of us just get things done! Hugs..

Gentle hugs and my greatest respect !!!!

This sort of post should be posted publicly as the reality of life as carers. Maybe it will be but I somehow doubt it.

My husband does this for a living, it obviously is the least favourite part of his job. Doing it for love just shows how exceptional you too are.

ASimpleLampoon What do you mean by "a cost of greed crisis"? Why greed?

Hi @QuiteSomeTime, yes three packs. I could write more about why but that could trigger someone anew; so am a little scared to elaborate (if that's the word) now, better I self censor. I am worried about triggering people because MN has added a trigger warning to my post title, presumably because someone has complained.

You aren't saints. You are saints. You are normal, ordinary, medium. You are one in a billion. Poop is mundane as can be. It's also quite often a poop-mergency.
You're an ordinary woman and man AND you're Sisyphus and Hercules.

You do need helpers. And money. And tiime- and energy-saving equipment. And emotional support. I'm a therapist for a charity and clients see me for free, so I know services like mine exist here and there. Charities, volunteer bureaus, CAB. Get on to them all if you can & keep up to date with what's around because things change. Good luck ❤️

I am sure the trigger warning is going to put people off reading this post before they read what it is about....who is voluntarily going to look at a thread about excrement? And there was I thinking that my life experience & perspective is as valid as anyone else's.

Apologies please don't think I don't appreciate all the support people have offered on here, I do & I have read every post.

👏

The only thing that you have triggered OP is my rage at a government and society who is leaving this all to you. Where's the support for the supporters? Disgraceful.

This is valid and you are valid.

Hold on to the outpouring of support here for you rather than the dumbass who asked for the trigger warning x

Thank you @holein1 I assure you I will.

@Livingtothefull sending solidarity from another parent with a young severely disabled adult. I hear you. It’s very hard to keep going and yet somehow we do. You are the opposite of mediocre you are extraordinary . And ignore the trigger warning fool

Op, I absolutely hear you. I had to do personal care for my husband and it was the sheer quantity of poo that broke me, and some of the carers as well. So awful for him, so awful for us, just when a grown person is incontinent it is not like a little baby! Some days you just finish clearing one lot and another lots comes along and it's just relentless. Of course you are not mediocre, but you have been dealt a very difficult hand.

Perhaps the trigger warning is there because of the poo troll, but actually a trigger warning would attract that person- and I think we don't talk enough openly about how difficult incontinence (of any type) is for both the person having it and the people dealing with it, it affects your daily life, it affects how you feel about your house (as it smells even when you try to clean) and it can upset the person who has the problem, I was in hospital a while back and the older person in the bed next to me wept when they lost control of their bowels, even though they could not help it. This is what happens and we shouldn't have to write 'trigger warning' to discuss it.

You are indeed amazing. I always remember dds poo explosions and stepping in dog shit days with fondness. I definitely couldn't cope with it on a daily basis and dd is not disabled. You need respite though.

Nothing is ever going to change for him, so why do we continually have to revisit this?

Because most people in government (in the broadest sense) who run this shitshow of a 'system' we have are extremely mediocre, if even that.

As many others have said, you and your DH are most definitely not.

I think this is a great place because of the supportive people who are here. However, there are some things about MN I don't understand.

Why has my post been placed in the naughty corner via a trigger warning, ensuring fewer people will read it? Why is excrement 'triggering' (should I be saying that word?) when it is something everyone is familiar with? People post about all kinds of extreme situations here which most of us will never come across - no triggers for them.

Why do I get links to other posts I 'may be interested in' which are mostly to do with relationship problems? These have no connection to my post only have vaguely familiar titles.

You are "just" exhausted!

People get triggered by various things, dont worry about this please.

Keep on posting, people need to hear about how hard it is and how impossible it is to get any help and the endless fucking form filling and how many times you have to prove your Child is Disabled and needs the help even though if they just looked at their records they would see that a miracle will not happen and your Child's disabilities will not suddenly disappear overnight.

As you can probably tell, I have a Disabled Child and I hear you.

Mumsnet can be brilliant sometimes, but tone deaf at others.