Would you rather watch a film or talk to your child?

[Member786488]

My dh really pissed me off.

I was chatting with dd 16, who was actually downstairs for once, and we were asked to stop talking so he could finish watching his film.

My thinking is - she’s rarely engaging with us, just quietly pause the fucking film and join in.

He’s thinking - I’ve watched most of this, can’t you both just shut up until it’s done.

I’m right aren’t I?

Please understand that whilst all opinions are interesting, I’ll find those who parent teens more relevant.

🤔

The story has completely changed and whilst I originally understood a bit where you were coming from, now I think it's just about you trying to control your husband.

Yup. Initially thought it was a misunderstanding, but in good faith. Now I think OP is being rather manipulative.

So close, get on well and go out but still want everyone to stop and drop everything because she wants to chat. At first I thought you never spoke so could slightly understand taking the opportunity to chat but now I don’t get it. I honestly don’t see the problem with what he did. He was watching something, if you want to chat do it somewhere else.

It's not and I'd always put aside TV or internet or whatever to talk to my child if they want to talk. I can't make the decision for my husband though, so I can move the conversation to another location where the teen has my full attention. I've often gone off with my teens to a more quiet location to talk, especially deep and meaningful talks, or if they need help or advice.

This is a thread where you're only allowed to give one answer. I don't know why you asked.

Oh, give over, the story hasn't completely changed, it's just had more detail added. OP is not being controlling, just disappointed (understandably) that her husband doesn't value the family conversation the way she does.

With the new information yanbu to continue the conversation.

But yabu to waste mumsnetters time changing stories.

Why does dd get to rule the roost?

from what Op wrote I don’t get the impression the DD was trying to “rule the roost”. Op and DD were just having a conversation. Fine if people view it as rude to do that while someone is watching TV but it hardly means she trying to control the household.

also Op was part of the conversation an active and willing participant. She WANTED to talk to her dd she wasn’t talking to her DD because her DD demanded attention.

Easy - talk. Film will be there the next day. Person might not.

I can’t really comment as such as my daughter is 4. However what I can say is there is a massive difference in parenting styles between women, men and different mums etc. As you can see from the different posts.

What I can tell you about my family is that if my daughter talks to me, if I’m reading something on my phone, watching something on the tv, I will stop reading, pause the tv, whatever I’m doing, and acknowledge her, my husband doesn’t do the same. Whether I do this because she’s 4 and I might not give her the same attention when she’s older, I don’t know. But there is a huge difference between my husband and I and I don’t understand how he can ignore her when she talks and I have to give him a nudge to listen to her, but then others on this thread might disagree with me dropping everything to listen to her.

I will admit it is tough at times because she’s not quiet for 1 second 🙈🙈 but I will make the most of it if conversations are scarce when they’re teenagers!

Wise post.......

Actually, I think this makes me more sympathetic to the husband. If I understand he was watching the film with you, before DD came down. Film was paused when DD came and started talking, for some time. At some point, dad resumed the film. So DD did get time talking and being prioritised and you all had a nice chat.... but just not permanently..... ? I suspect chat became a bit random, and aimless, and he felt like watching his film again. I think he's a bit unreasonable to get grumpy, but the original activity was the film....?

Why are you asking if you're only listening to those who agree with you..

I agree that you're kind of teaching her she will always get her own way and I'd also find it rude and agree moving to another room would be better.

Why have you actually posted when you're so convinced you're right?

I was also surprised. I think the prime purpose of the sitting room must vary between houses, so it's difficult to say who is being rude and who is not.

In our house the sitting room is the main social space. There is a TV but it's always paused if people want to talk. If someone wants to watch something undisturbed they would go to a bedroom or another room. I think it depends on whether the sitting room is seen as a TV room or a multi purpose family space. I can imagine that in larger houses with separate sitting rooms and TV rooms it could be quite rude to burst in and expect someone to pause their film!

I agree with you OP. It feels like a bloody miracle when our teen DD emerges from her room and feels like chatting.

So I do pause what I'm doing to have those moments. DH would have got a stern look if he'd behaved like your DH.

I also had the very unusual and pleasant experience of my teen DD wanting to watch a horror movie with me on Friday night. Don't know what's come over her but I sat and enjoyed the experience.

What I think is unreasonable is the pandering - if she’s going to vanish in a horrified puff of smoke at being asked to move the chat elsewhere then it either wasn’t that important or she needs to be more resilient. You’re essentially saying that she couldn’t have that chat unless she was disturbing someone else, which is just ridiculous to me.

YANBU to prefer the chat over the film but YABU to expect your DH to feel the same. I imagine he’s fed up of having to play statues every time she walks into a room.

Maybe go and chat with her elsewhere?
Talking over a film is pretty annoying.

If the conversation was between the two of you not DH then not unreasonable for him to ask you to go into another room so he could hear his film. I understand your feeling of making the most of any teen-initiated time together. But my DH probably wouldn't feel the same as me either.

I think you’ve phrased the question in a ridiculous way. It’s important to talk to your daughter. That doesn’t mean it should be done to the exclusion of all else.

I suspect there is a back story.

I cannot understand making such a fuss about talking to your teen. She's a member of the family, like anyone else.

DH is right, you two should have moved elsewhere.

It's not about a child being more or less important than a film, it's about manners & respect for everyone. Of course you & DD are welcome to talk; and so is DH welcome to watch his film uninterrupted

That's expressed it better than I did!

Yabu. You already had a chat, husband wanted to carry on with his film. You and your daughter could have gone to another room. He can’t pick up the tv and take that to another room.