Would you rather watch a film or talk to your child?

[Member786488]

My dh really pissed me off.

I was chatting with dd 16, who was actually downstairs for once, and we were asked to stop talking so he could finish watching his film.

My thinking is - she’s rarely engaging with us, just quietly pause the fucking film and join in.

He’s thinking - I’ve watched most of this, can’t you both just shut up until it’s done.

I’m right aren’t I?

Please understand that whilst all opinions are interesting, I’ll find those who parent teens more relevant.

100%

@DuplicateUserName fair enough. I suppose that’s the thing. Everyone sets out their home and uses it differently. We put a TV in the spare room so there is a space for gaming/films away from the main living space. However we don’t have a big kitchen or other social space downstairs so the living room is primarily the socialising space for us.

this happened earlier in the evening and I’m still angry/sad about it.

im with those who think the tv is just for background, especially in today’s world when it’s so easy to pause.

she’d have been off soon anyway, and I’d much rather have had some time chatting to her about anything, frankly, than watched something I could catch up with later.

he was being thoughtless.

But who are you to decide the film someone else is watching is 'boring'?

I don’t think it’s rude to talk when someone is watching TV. However I wouldn’t expect the person watching tv to pause it and join in the convo regardless of it being my DC.

Multiple teens here. I'd have said to DD that it's a bit loud in here with the TV, let's go and talk in another location.

But the OP states that the DH wants to finish watching the film, which implies the film is already in progress.

If the conversation is in progress first, yabu to watch a film unless all in agreement.

If the film is in progress first, yabu to start a conversation unless all in agreement.

This is polite behaviour to model to your DC no?

Unless an emergency.

To be honest OP it sounds like you miss her and need to try to find a way to connect with her again.

This isn't really about the TV or your husband.

Teenagers can be tricky and they do go through stages of not wanting to talk to their parents but that doesn't mean that when they do, the world should stop for them.

She'll come through this phase soon enough.

Do you have teens? Any TV program or film (they can always be easily paused) is less important than my child. Quite surprised that so many people think a TV show is more important than their child

YAB a little bit U. If people are already watching a film, I don't think a teenager arriving in the room is a reason to stop unless there's some sort of crisis. I rarely see my 14yo these days, but I would be a bit irritated if he came into the living room while we were watching something and expected everyone to just stop because he's suddenly at a loose end. I do totally get the temptation to drop everything for the lesser spotted teen though, for fear that they may never again attempt to converse with the rest of the family!

Is this a real question?

Just take her info the kitchen and talk.

He’s presumably had a tough week and is as entitled to downtime as anyone. Your DD would probably rather focus on your conversation, and it’s good for her to know her parents also need downtime, and your DH will be happier to join once he’s finished his film.

If you'd read the thread you know I do have a teen and have had teens, yes.

Quite surprised that so many people think a TV show is more important than their child

Again, you probably need to read the thread if that's the conclusion you've come to.

Meanwhile, the OP's husband was in the middle of watching a film. The OP's DD decides to pop downstairs for a chat with her mum and the OP decides her husband should stop what he's doing and join the chat when he didn't want to.

Also a bit of weird hero-worship thrown in on the OP's part, which for all we know might add to the reason the teen doesn't always want to pop downstairs for a chat.

Wise words

You're not helping your child creating an expectation that movies will be paused for them.

Ok so we were eating in front of the tv (it’s Saturday night), the film was on which he’d been watching whilst I cooked. She came down and we (all) just started chatting whilst we ate.
Nice atmosphere.
then I think he then decided he’d go back to the film, and got increasingly irritated when we didn’t shut up.

I pointed out that we were still talking - he said he was still watching.

It's all about context though isn't it?

If a teen enters the room and says I've a problem, you turn off the film.

If a teen enters the room because they've decided to grace you with their presence, it is not unreasonable to finish the film.

Would you expect an adult you live with to stop what they are doing immediately when you enter the room? Is this what you want to teach your teen.

Well why didn't you say that in the first place or have you just changed the story because you don't like some of the answers?

Waste of time.

I’m pretty close to her, and we get on well, go on days out together etc. I think this is in large part because I make an effort to engage when she’s available - in a teenage life you have to grab these moments ime.

im not going to change that because of a bloody film - even if it was one I was watching rather than him.
I expect him to do the same.

I confused. The story has changed.

@DuplicateUserName what exactly has changed? Just more context…

I agree with you, OP. Most of the time we're just watching telly to while away the time, and I think talking to each other is much more important. You have to take the opportunity to chat with your teenagers where you can!

Some of the posters sound like they have a pretty strict pecking order and need to keep their kids in their place in the hierarchy, heaven forbid the teenagers got the impression they are more important than some shit on the TV that you've seen before 🙄

I’m pretty close to her, and we get on well, go on days out together etc.

So why the song and dance about her popping downstairs for a while and chatting?

Something's not adding up here.

This is an entirely different scenario to the OP.

With that info - that all of you had been talking, it wasn't that your dd had come down and started chatting over a film - YANBU, your DH was rude to shut down real life interaction for a film that can be paused and rewatched whenever.