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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to receive this email or not?

64 replies

Bookridden · 19/11/2022 15:34

Work dilemma. Boss has been off for a month traveling and is due back on Tuesday. I'm his deputy and am keen to impress.

I am wondering whether to text him on Monday afternoon just to reassure him that everything has run smoothly and no need to get to the office early if he's still jetlagged.

Would you appreciate this, or is it best left? He's very work focused (as am I), so I thought it might put his mind at rest.

YABU - don't message, he probably doesn't give a damn

YANBU - it's a nice thought that will put his mind at rest

OP posts:
PlutoCritter · 19/11/2022 16:09

please do not send that. i would be 🤔 if one of my reports sent that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/11/2022 16:09

I'm quite surprised at all these people saying they'd be offended by this or that it's bad form. At my firm this sort of thing is completely normal: people routinely send handover and catch-up notes and we're used to working out of hours so there wouldn't be any etiquette breach in sending a polite "welcome back" note.

I maybe wouldn't tell him he can be late in though. I think that is a bit of an over-reach. If he wants to be late in presumably he can without your blessing.

CovertImage · 19/11/2022 16:14

In my department (Univ) it would be considered bad form - and is actively discouraged - to disturb anyone whilst they're still on leave. Handovers and catch-ups take place once you're back: working out of hours isn't the same as working during leave

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 16:15

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/11/2022 16:09

I'm quite surprised at all these people saying they'd be offended by this or that it's bad form. At my firm this sort of thing is completely normal: people routinely send handover and catch-up notes and we're used to working out of hours so there wouldn't be any etiquette breach in sending a polite "welcome back" note.

I maybe wouldn't tell him he can be late in though. I think that is a bit of an over-reach. If he wants to be late in presumably he can without your blessing.

A welcome back email is fine - where she gives a quick handover, but not a text before he's even due in.

WimbyAce · 19/11/2022 16:21

No I wouldn't do anything until they are back and then you can do handover.

Poppins2016 · 19/11/2022 16:23

A welcome back/update email with an "I'm available to catch up when you're ready" note would be good.

As others have said, I wouldn't say "take your time" or anything like that... he'll do that anyway if he wants to!

Crankley · 19/11/2022 16:28

Not a good idea, he is presumably capable of deciding for himself when he wishes to go into the office.

Sallyh87 · 19/11/2022 16:30

It might seem like you are saying they are unnecessary and you can do it all. Likely to annoy them.

I wouldn’t, a welcome back email is sufficient.

DinosaurPotato · 19/11/2022 16:31

I agree with everyone else, wait until he's back. Though, I've never seen the obsession with hierarchy in real life that I see on mumsnet. In my work, I am v junior (and happy to be so) but my head of department asks my opinion and cares what I think. I work with people who are at the top of their profession, but they're just my colleagues and everyone is treated as an equal and valid member of the team.

Wannakisstheteacher · 19/11/2022 16:33

Would anyone really tell their boss that they could come in when they wanted - as if it were their permission to give?

Wafflesnsniffles · 19/11/2022 16:40

Completely inappropriate

ittakes2 · 19/11/2022 16:44

Surely he’s going into the office to work and not to solve any problems created when he was away / he would have assumed you would be making things go smoothly.

BosaNova · 19/11/2022 16:44

Keen to take.their job more like😂

Boundaries. Off time is off time. Don't create toxic environment. You should know that by now though in that position

BosaNova · 19/11/2022 16:46

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 16:15

A welcome back email is fine - where she gives a quick handover, but not a text before he's even due in.

Show quote history

Exactly. I send my boss catch up emails on the eve before their return or morning into their work email.
That's a standard thing

MzHz · 19/11/2022 16:47

AmyFl · 19/11/2022 15:47

😁 at the use of the word superior. No-one is superior or inferior to another person.

Hahahahaha you need to meet our CEO… he’s so superior he’s never even said hello to me in 3 years!

and whenever anyone asks if I want to move up to a different role that would bring me to his circle, of course I say no.

BellePeppa · 19/11/2022 16:49

AmyFl · 19/11/2022 15:47

😁 at the use of the word superior. No-one is superior or inferior to another person.

You’re overthinking that, it’s a work term and signifies that some one is above you in rank.

Beeboppy · 19/11/2022 16:50

An email or text on the day is fine or pop in a quick optional hand back meeting on his first day back but I’d not be sending it on the Monday as it’s not necessary.

Coffeetree · 19/11/2022 16:50

Sewwhatmrmagpie · 19/11/2022 15:37

God no. If I was him I'd see that as a NOTHING TO SEE HERE!!! and my heart would sink thinking about what mess I might come back to, even if it really is all fine and your attempt to reassure was genuine.

I'd also not to this as a way to impress him. I wouldn't be impressed! He's still on holiday until he's back at work.

Yes, you put it perfectly. Better to just confidently assume he knows you ran everything smoothly.

808Kate1 · 19/11/2022 16:52

Sorry I'd find this inappropriate and tbh a bit arse-licky! Email him first thing on Tue saying everything has been fine and say you're available for a catch-up if he wants one.

MarshaBradyo · 19/11/2022 16:54

I’m a no don’t. Especially not by text.

Stripedbag101 · 19/11/2022 16:56

I have a member of staff who does this and it pisses me off. I am relaxing on leave and I get an email from him telling me he has everything under control! That’s his bloody job! I wouldn’t dream of contacting anyone while they are on leave - especially not the last night.

leave the poor man alone to enjoy is last night before the office politics start again. You will just come across as desperate for a pat in the head.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 19/11/2022 16:57

Let him return at his own pace and just be available when he's ready to catch up.

YABU.

happyinherts · 19/11/2022 16:58

Definitley arse-licky. Not impressive to tell your boss there's no need to come into the office early. Just no, not ever.

Amanita24 · 19/11/2022 16:58

TellMeWhere · 19/11/2022 15:39

Is it really your place to tell your superior when they can come back into the office? Definitely don't send Confused

He's on leave so I wouldn't disturb him unless necessary.

This.

It would be just weird. It’s really not up to you to suggest to your boss when to go to work. And he’s still on holiday, how rude to disturb him.

Newmum0322 · 19/11/2022 16:59

your boss could take this any number of bad ways…

  1. you’re Inferring that he needs your permission to log in late
  2. that you’re in-charge and don’t need him
  3. your reminding him that work looms before he’s even logged in
  4. youre assuming that you were copied in on all comms, there could well be stuff from senior stakeholders you weren’t included in that he needs to give immediate attention too
  5. that you’re looking for a pay on the back - not a good look

I would (and have previously in a similar position) send an email for him to review when he logs in that detail everything that is in control, your priorities for the week and things he needs to be made aware of. This will indicate that you’ve been across everything, that it’s all in control and that you took the initiative to send it to him in advance. Without appearing that you’re trying to be superior. (Not that that was your intention at all OP, I know).