I hate being pregnant

[jammydogers]

Name changed for this, I'm 13 weeks and in a constant state of denial, exhaustion and anxiety.

This baby is very much wanted, and planned. It's taken 9 years to get here after multiple miscarriages and heartbreak.

I thought I'd enjoy this as for the first time, everything is going well and I feel so guilty.

I haven't been to work for 7 weeks, sickness started at 6 and went away 2 weeks ago but the exhaustion is like nothing I've ever experienced.

My friends loved pregnancy, my Mum didn't get one bit of sickness or pain and loved being pregnant.

My sciatica is so bad that it's making me cry, I can't take my usual cocodamol for it, I'm so tired I can't make it through the day without a sleep. I then lay in bed at night with restless legs and anxiety. I don't fancy anything to eat other than fresh fruit.

The progesterone suppositories are horrendous, I've already got a big bloat/start of a bump and everyone is shocked I'm only 13 weeks.

Currently lying in bed with terrible earache, otex in my ear and cotton wool shoved in it, paracetamol isn't touching it.

I felt complete detachment at my scan and 6 months feels so so far away. I know I want the baby to be okay but I feel like I can't register in my mind that the baby is in my womb.

I'm already on citalopram 20mg for depression.

I needed to vent, doesn't help that DH is so excited which makes me feel so guilty and although he's sympathetic and lovely, I can't tell him the full extent of how miserable I feel.

I was so naive and thought that one day I would have a dream pregnancy and be in the baby bubble of buying things and dressing a bump.

Don’t be hard on yourself…. Pregnancy is bloody horrible.
your body goes through loads of changes to create a baby and it’s hard work.
between 13 and 20 weeks I didn’t feel pregnant apart from the sickness.
once you feel movements your feelings may change.

but it is hard

You poor thing. No wonder you feel horrendous with the pain you must be in from your sciatica, on top of the exhaustion and the sickness you’ve already experienced. If you feel like sleeping during the day, listen to your body and sleep as much as you can. My children are now 32 and 27, and I can honestly say that the first pregnancy wasn’t a “dream” one and I certainly didn’t enjoy it! I was sick throughout and tired all the time. The second one wasn’t as bad, but the “baby” time was certainly better than the “pregnant” time, for me. I hope that you can get some rest tonight and that your sciatic pain eases. Don’t feel guilty about not feeling excited etc. Rest as much as you can, and be kind to yourself rather than feeling guilty. Fingers crossed for you that things will get better as your pregnancy progresses. 💕

I suspect that many of those who told you pregnancy is wonderful weren't telling the whole truth. Society expects that 'ladies love being pregnant, don't they?' and to admit that it isn't all baby showers and shopping for cute little outfits would mean you are a Failure As A Woman.

Thank goodness for anonymous internet forums where people can be completely honest!

Hope you're ok x
13 weeks is still early. Hopefully you'll start to feel better in another few weeks.
I never had any attachment to my unborn babies or got emotional at scans. Don't put pressure on yourself. It's different when the baby's here.

Please don't feel guilty! Pregnancy can be utterly shit and every one is different. I've been through hospitalisation with HG, bleeding gums, loose teeth, SPD, the nightmares, the stabby vag etc etc etc. None of this is fun. Then you get a cold and can't even take a Lemsip 😭
It was all so worth it (though I'm glad to be done now!) and you will come out the other side.

After years and years of infertility and finally getting pregnant, I felt like this. The sickness was terrible, literally couldn’t sleep( I honestly got more sleep with a newborn) , constantly peeing, constantly tired, going around in a fog. I think the anxieties that come with finally being pregnant after so many years trying and fertility treatment ruined it for me cause I couldn’t relax. It was miserable especially the guilt from feeling like I’d somehow made a mistake, it got a bit better when she started kicking and moving and now she’s nearly a year old I can safely say she was completely worth it. Don’t be too hard on yourself ❤️

Pregnancy is rubbish! This thread may make you feel better:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4619050-so-sick-of-being-pregnantwhingers-welcome?page=1

Solidarity here. The only thing I enjoyed about pregnancy was how amazing my hair looked (and that all falls out when baby arrives!). The second trimester wasn't so awful as the exhaustion subsided a lot and could eat again. Hopefully it'll get better in a few weeks, but you're certainly not alone and shouldn't feel guilty about disliking this phase!

Oh I so understand, pregnancy is ROUGH! I felt horrific for the first few months. So drained, so sick and off the chart anxiety. GP also removed my anti depressants from me so was dealing with come down from that. It did get much better from about 18 weeks onwards - when I could feel baby moving and see how much bigger they were on scans I was much calmer knowing they were more robust, and things got even better after 24 weeks as I kept saying ‘well even if the worst happens, they’re now viable and could survive’. The last month is tough, but that’s only because you’re so excited to meet them, and I was also the size of a whale and so uncomfy, but time does pass quick! I was also pregnant after loss, and so my husband and I booked in fairly regular private scans just for added reassurance. Is this something you could do to calm you a bit? The GP also put me on melatonin to help me sleep which did do a lot to help my mental well-being, which could be worth asking about. Hang in there. It’s so hard, but it will be just a memory one day and you’ll have a gorgeous squishy baby in your arms before you know it!

Pregnancy is awful - and there's an extra dimension of guilt for hating it when you've had to navigate infertility to get there. You're in the thick of it now, as you don't have the baby kicks to balance out the bad bits!

Honestly, until they handed me my baby, I don't think I truly believed there was one in there, so don't be too hard on yourself for not bonding.

You just have to grit your teeth and get through this bit (and, in my case, the first three months of baby's life!), and then it's so, so worth it.

Best of luck, you're doing an amazing job xxx

Thank you everyone, reading all your comments made me cry with relief because most days I feel like a horrible person for feeling fed up.

I don't even have the nice skin and thick bouncy hair at the moment, I wake up with a new spot every day when I've always had clear skin and I can't go my usual 3 days without washing my hair because it's so greasy 🙄😂

Hope the next few weeks passes quickly so I can hopefully feel baby move.

We are moving house in February and I am looking forward to having more space so that's something to look forward to as DH won't let me lift a finger so I won't have to do any of the tedious stuff like lifting boxes or moving furniture. Hoping Christmas goes quick and we'll be moving before we know it and will only have a few months left 🤞🏻

Hi 5 @jammydogers. I hated being of too. It's a very brave thing to say so! I was bed bound for 18 weeks with hyperemisis, and felt largely crap for the rest of the time. I'm not going to say anything twee about how lovely newborns are, just send solidarity. Mine are 11 and 15 now, but the memories of how horrible pregnancy was are still very vivid.

Talk to your midwife about your mental health, ask for extra support.
Pregnancy really is grim.

I hated pregnancy, hated the first few months is a newborn. Took 4 years to consider doing it again with our second child

They are completely worth it though.

You poor bugger.

Pregnancy is just utterly grim for some people.
With regards to the exhaustion, that should start to go over the next coming weeks. Have you had a blood test recently to check your iron levels? Anemia is common in pregnancy.

Second child , first 3 months I felt like I was having a breakdown. My hormones were everywhere felt so sick and cried all the time. The first fee weeks can be rough but generally you start feeling better when things settle down (hopefully) . Although I remember at 9 months on my second led in bed with frozen peas on my swollen foof thinking, this isn't the glowing shit people talk about

I was very lucky in my pregnancy comparatively. No PGP, small bump, active/able to work out for quite a bit of it. (I did have horrendous nausea for the first three months)....

I still bloody hated being pregnant. I'm quite honest about it too, I don't want it to be taboo to say so!

Pregnancy is really hard! Completely normal to feel rubbish. I found early pregnancy really stressful, I was very anxious and I hadn’t had the difficulties you’ve had.

How long have you had your earache? Might be worth seeing a Dr, you don’t want an ear infection as well.

Also the feeling detached from the baby thing - that’s really normal too so don’t worry/ feel guilty about it. I genuinely couldn’t imagine myself holding a baby even though I was clearly pregnant and he was kicking my ribs all day and night.

So yes, it’s rubbish. But the good news is that it’s normal so you don’t need to feel guilty for feeling rubbish.

34 weeks here - I've had anaemia, sickness, and have been incapacitated by PGP since 20'weeks. I've been so bloody exhausted since about week ) that I've literally given up anything fun in my life and all I've done for the last 8 months is work, parent my 2 older children, and wait for the next opportunity to sleep. It's had such a negative effect on my relationship, my work life, and at times my mental health has been lower than I've ever known it. At this stage I can't leave the house because it's too painful, I need to save my movement reserves to hobble around the home and turn over in bed. Which is agony!

And this is after a grueling year to actually get pregnant so I'm incredibly grateful to be in this position but at the same time am so very miserable.

Pregnancy is so awful. I wish I could experience a blissful 9 months of feeling blooming and glowing and bonding with my bump but I have never been able to do that (this has been by far the worst pregnancy though). On the plus side, I've never been one of those women who has found the newborn stage a challenge because no matter how tough it is, it's always easier than pregnancy.

I wish there was more said about just how mentally, emotionally, and physically difficult pregnancy can be for women. We are all absolute bloody warriors.

So bloody exhausted since week 8 that should read! I'm typing on my side after yet another sleepless night of pain despite being knackered 😂

Early and late pregnancy sucks. I gave my self whip lash from hg vomiting and towards the end I struggled to sleep , walk , sit , stand and the peeing, oh my god. Every 5 ninutes and the odd leak as well. The bit in the middle is lovely but the majority of it is hard work and then everyone tells you that you look amazing 🤣

I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant at all. I had sickness and tiredness that lasted pretty much the whole 9 months.
I swelled up like a balloon. It wasn’t awful it was just a bit rubbish and a definite factor in me not wanting to have any more children.
I also felt fairly detached from the baby. It improved a bit when I could feel them moving but I can’t say I actually loved them til they’d been here for a good few weeks!! 😆 (also normal by the way)
Look after yourself the best you can. Try and keep your eye on the prize and keep telling yourself it’s time limited!! It WILL be over!
Just knowing that it’s ok to feel like this and more common than you’d think can make you feel better maybe.

Being pregnant is rough. I'm currently 36+4 and it's hard work. I had terrible morning sickness from 6-17 weeks. The smell of my house downstairs is what triggered it so not like I could avoid it. The tiredness I can only compare to when I had covid. All I did was work 9-5, come home, have dinner and go to bed. My husband took over all the housework as I was too tired to function. I had the constant feeling of nausea which was so draining too. I started feeling baby at 22 weeks and that was lovely. I'm now so big I can barely do much and sleeping kills my hips. Going from someone who used to go to the gym 4 times a week, run a few times a week and easily do 12-15k steps a day to now doing 3k steps a day has been a hard adjustment. Hopefully you'll enjoy the second trimester a bit but don't feel guilty about hating being pregnant. I told my husband there's no way I'm doing this a second time!

I have been pregnant five times with two living children, I had hyperemesis each time with hospital admissions, overwhelming exhaustion and in my last pregnancy piles which meant I couldn’t sit on a hard chair. Whenever I see pregnant women I feel a wave of nausea. I do understand op it’s really tough.
One of my pregnancies (can’t remember which) I had a few weeks at 20 weeks where I felt great so fingers crossed that happens for you.

For a lot of women, pregnancy is shit. It’s hardly surprising though, your body is doing amazing things to grow a new human. Your internal organs move to support a growing baby. You give up your nutrient reserves to give a baby what it needs to see it through growing inside of you and for the first 6 months of its life. Your body is doing all this while still doing everything for you to survive. And you’re expected to just continue on as if your body isn’t doing these amazing things.

I felt shit for all but 4 weeks of pregnancy between 20 and 24 weeks. It was a really weird feeling hating being pregnant but feeling like I couldn’t hate it because if something happened it would be my fault for hating pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes and they recommend induction at a certain point if you’re medicated, you can refuse induction but I happily accepted it because I was just so done with being pregnant. You can tell DH. Feeling like shit and hating being pregnant doesn’t mean you aren’t excited for baby, or won’t be excited when they’re here. It’s a very valid part of pregnancy to have such conflicted emotions.