Engagement ring/diamond ring

[Lozzalou9191]

Bit of a weird one!

So I’ve been with dp donkeys years, have kids, house, pets etc happy enough. I’d have loved to have got married but he’s never been keen. That’s fine by me, more important things to spend money on in the grand scheme of things and we’re happy enough so pick my battles.
I’ve found an engagement ring wholly by accident whilst window shopping for some earrings that I’ve fallen in love with. Now, I could hint/ask/beg dp to get it for me as an engagement ring. But I know it’s not what he really wants and I feel like I’d be pushing an agenda when actually it really is just that I love the ring 😂
I have the money to buy it for myself which if it was anything else then I would, however because it is a diamond engagement style ring I feel like I’d be emasculating him some how? Or opening the door to a load of questions from others (who are always desperate to know if we’ll ever get married!) which could embarrass him or actually make me look like I’m just completely gagging to get married/railroading him which isn’t the case.
Or….am I just over thinking this and actually I should just get it and get over it?

Buy the ring

If you think he would spend the money, I would just say that I saw a lovely ring in the jewellers, and although it's marked as an engagement ring, I would really like it as a dress ring, and wouldn't plan on wearing it on your 'wedding' ring finger. Alternatively treat yourself, and wear it on the other hand, making it clear that you just bought yourself a pretty ring. Being a man, he's unlikely to even cotton on to the fact that it's an engagement ring unless you put it on your left hand. Just my thoughts, but ultimately up to you.

Save your money so you have protection should everything go tits up.

I’d buy the ring and wear in on my right hand, or index finger. Maybe mention it to your partner if you’re concerned, but if marriage isn’t your thing I don’t think he can be miffed. Bugger everybody else, nosey sods 😂

Buy and enjoy it. Look at it as an engagement ring from you to you. You engaged your own money to purchase it.

Don't worry about emasculating him. He is not worried about you wanting the legal security of marriage.

Buy the ring.
I bought a ring 6 months after my son was born. It wasn't an engagement ring as wasn't a diamond, but I loved it and it was a treat to myself, my "push present".
Boyfriend eventually proposed 18 months later with a diamond ring 🤣

Don't worry about emasculating him. He is not worried about you wanting the legal security of marriage.

Exactly. He's happy with you bearing his children, sharing a home, yet he won't marry you. I've always called bullshit on that.

I don't mean to hurt you, but ... sorry, it's very obvious you do care.

If you genuinely didn't care about marriage/ an engagement ring, you'd never have posted like this. At most you'd have posted 'I saw a really pretty ring and I can afford it, AIBU to buy it'.

Clearly, for you, the complications about you wanting to be married, and you loving this ring, loom large in your assessment of the situation. Sure, you like the ring too - but is that really the main thing you're thinking? I can't help wondering if you're thinking that buying this ring might push him that bit closer to marriage/ might make you forget that bit more often that he doesn't want to get married.

I would say, yes, absolutely, if you love the ring and you can afford it, buy it. But if you are agonising about this man and trying to talk yourself into thinking you're happy when you're not ...maybe take the time and think about that.

I do think buy yourself a gorgeous ring but I honestly don't think it's a great plan to buy an obvious engagement ring. Sorry!

Never mind the ring or the engagement…. How have you allowed yourself to have children with and live for years with someone who doesn’t believe you deserve the protection of marriage? And why if it means something to you and he won’t entertain the thought do you not think you deserve better than being fobbed off and presumably used as a housekeeper by this man?

You are barking up the wrong tree. The ring isn’t the problem. His lack of respect and commitment is.

If he does not want to marry you but you love the ring, buy it and wear it on right hand. If he makes a comment about the ring, just say you have given up off him ever buyi g you a ring so bought one for yourself. Don't spare his feelings he does not care about yours.

Just buy the ring, but don’t put it on your wedding ring finger :)

How is a ring an engagement ring? I thought it was when it was offered as a proposal of marriage. Otherwise it's just a ring.
If you want it, buy it and enjoy it.
The refusal to marry is a whole other story .

There’s some really great points on here and perhaps I have been a bit naive/in denial to just think ‘I like this ring is it weird if I get it’
to addrss some previous comments. Yes in the beginning I would have loved to have got married, but we were very young and had other priorities and now, if I’m honest, whilst it would still be lovely it’s just not the be all and end all to me that it was.
regarding financial security etc, we have independently the same as each other more or less- we both have individual assets worth similar amounts, our home is equally owned and we pay the same amount into a joint account for household spends. Anything we have brought to the relationship has been ringfenced. Similarly, he supported me financially when I was getting my career up and running and I returned the favour by supporting him practically to get his up and running. Now we have children we both work equal hours and do equal childcare so I can’t say either of our careers have been sacrificed. We are both lucky, it’s a very equal and reasonable relationship so I absolutely wouldn’t throw it away simply on something that isn’t a sticking point for me.
In saying all this, perhaps I am silly worrying about him feeling emasculated when in all likelihood he probably wouldn’t even notice and if he did wouldn’t even register what it was! I think my main issue is worrying too much about what people think which is definitely something I need to work on.

Perhaps this thread is getting a bit deeper than I intended lol!
essentially if it comes in the Black Friday sale I’m getting it and sticking it on my right middle finger!

Atta girl

Buy the ring and enjoy it! Wear it on whichever finger you like! Forget about what everyone else says.

You said you're in a happy relationship? If you're, surely should be able just to tell him.

Buy it and enjoy it

Oh be quiet!

@Lozzalou9191 YABU for not sharing a link or picture of said beautiful ring!!

Buy it and don't wear it on your wedding finger. I love rings! I love my engagement ring my husband got me and I love other rings that I buy for myself. Treat yourself, it's Christmas ;)

Or it could be on your Christmas list. The only thing on there. For him to buy you. For you to wear as a dress ring 💜

If he’s not man enough to step up and provide legal and financial protection for you, can he ever actually be emasculated?

Did you buy the ring?