Is anyone else always on the outside of groups? Never the best friend? never the golden child?

[silverau]

Hello,
Ive never been able to have best friends i dont think. Im a friendlyish person but never seem to make it past that wider circle of friends so im often invited to big events eg weddings, parties but rarely asked to spend 1:1 time with people. I see friendships develop around me sometimes but i never seem to quite make the grade to be a close friend if that makes sense?
Who i would have considered my best friend 2 years ago recently got married and while she spoke to me about the wedding process etc, it turned out i wasnt even on the guest list and another mutual friend was a bridesmaid

Ive sort of accepted this as my life really. I can be a bit socially anxious so have assumed that ive perpetuated this. For example my mum and my sister have always been closer than i have, so it always feels a bit tense. Its not that we dont get on but i just dont have the same relationship, thus i dont call as much thus i assume i opt out of such things.

Another example is Im engaged and feel very much worried that i dont have close enough relationships to invite others to the wedding. My social DP could invite 100's and I cant think of a single person other than my sister i could ask to be a bridesmaid, or at a hen party. So then we are eloping, in eloping though it seems like we are further distancing ourselves but not having that communal party?

The thing that worries me is that it seems to be rubbing off on my DP. DP seems to be slowly getting left out of family stuff and in general a lot less enthusiasm is being shown to our big life stuff eg, engagements, house moves, promotions then siblings who are doing the same.

Could my awkwardness be rubbing off?

If you are happy about it, I wouldn't worry about it.

However I would question you eloping if actually your husband's preference would be to get married locally with friends and family.

Why not just have your sister as your bridesmaid? Why not invite your family and then whoever your husband wants to invite??

You don't have to have a hen do! Just go to a spa with your sister, mum, and maybe DP's mum?

Don't cut off his nose to spite your faces, IYSWIM.

I cringe when I hear people say oh my best friend or they say it about DC's. It just sounds so desperate.
I have friends I'm happy with the friends I have, don't need a best friend. Never have never will. I encourage my dc to have lots of drives from different places, having only a bestie can be really bad if there is a fall out.

This is me too I’m second tier. Parents are divorced both prioritise new family under the pretence they are ‘younger’ than me they are all in late 20’s early 30’s!! My sister had a hen do and I wasn’t invited as it was a surprise one. when I saw the photos her friends had their sisters at the hen do but I wasn’t invited. I’m her only sister, both share same parents.

I have one close friend but she lives abroad. I’ve tried to widen my circle of friends but fail miserably all the time.

It's not all it's cracked up to be.. as other posters have said, it takes a huge chunk of your life. Are you prepared to give that much?
Personally, as I get older, I'm not.

Eloping sounds wonderfully romantic & no worries about all the expense & who sits at the top table & all that rubbish.. enjoy your day & your marriage with your forever best friend! :-)