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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have left him at the hotel

45 replies

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:02

been seeing bf for a few years.. he booked a hotel for last night and tonight for us as a treat for me "his words" as been a lot of stress lately.. in the past when weve went away hes drank too much ruined things, i think he drinks far too much in generel, . we had planned to have a few quiet drinks last night then get up early this morn and go hiking it was a far journey i wasnt comfortable driving so he promised he would..so went for dinner last night had a laugh and a few drinks and he seemed to be getting drunk and a bit moody so i called it a night and we went upstairs. he passed out.. anyway i woke at 4 o clock and he wasnt there..i looked out the window and he sat in the car drinking cans of beer.. he didnt come back for an hour.. when he came back we fought.. then went back to sleep and woke at 8 and looked and he was sat on the edge of the bed drinking. a can. he tried telling me he was well fit to drive.. i got that pissed off i left and went home.. hes texting saying ive ruined the whole trip by leaving... or has he by being pissed and ruining all our plans.. was a dramatic to leave

OP posts:
Pixiecushion · 18/11/2022 18:05

Definitely not being dramatic. You need to leave him for good. You deserve better.

IntrovertedPenguin · 18/11/2022 18:06

Just leave. You can do better. He's an alcoholic clearly.

DDivaStar · 18/11/2022 18:06

Just get rid, you deserve better.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/11/2022 18:06

He’s a massive alcoholic. Hopefully you don’t live together. Pack your stuff and dump him. He’s a fucking shambles.

Tabasco007 · 18/11/2022 18:07

He has a drink problem, I would walk away now, but I guess that might depend on how long you've been dating and whether he will recognize the issue and get help.

Changingplace · 18/11/2022 18:08

No he’s ruined the weekend by drinking ridiculously.

You were perfectly within your rights to go home, he’d ruined your plans for the weekend.

I’d find this very hard to move on from.

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:08

we dont live together and he had his own car there so wasnt left stranded.. i think the alcohol problem has gotten far worse than ive realised

OP posts:
MyOpinion1978 · 18/11/2022 18:08

He’s an alcoholic. You need to dump him and hope he has the will to sort himself out. Don’t waste years waiting for a man to change, you deserve so much more than he can offer.

FizzyFucker · 18/11/2022 18:08

Do you really need to ask? If you aren't sure about this then I think you should seek counselling because in no world is his behaviour acceptable and if you don't see that then you need some better guidance.

DesMoulinsRouge · 18/11/2022 18:09

That is not normal behaviour OP, he has a drink problem.
You did the right thing.

ShouldntHaveBeenSoHasty · 18/11/2022 18:10

Do you want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic? This will not get better while he continues to drink. I have been there watching another nicely planned evening descend into embarrassment that my partner is unable to control himself in public. You need to decide if this is what you want as only he can fix this and to do that he needs to admit that he has a problem and that he ruined what was supposed to be a nice weekend away.

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:11

i really didnt need to ask i know this is bad.. just said i would for outside perspectives

OP posts:
Macaroni46 · 18/11/2022 18:11

And you're with this guy because?? Sounds awful. Get rid!

Always4Brenner · 18/11/2022 18:13

Leave it won’t get better do not marry this man you’re life will be hell if you do. Ditch him as soon as. I’ve been there it’s horrific the worry eats away at you.

RandomPerson42 · 18/11/2022 18:15

He is an alcoholic - you deserve better - get rid.

OriginalUsername2 · 18/11/2022 18:15

I wouldn’t even be around such a person. Raise your standards!

Call him and say it’s been fun but you can’t seriously be with an alcoholic for the rest of your life, it’s not for you.

spacewomanonearth · 18/11/2022 18:20

He sounds like a car crash (in more ones than one).
I would struggle to understand why anyone would stay in a relationship with him, it's playing with fire. Get out before you get pregnant (although he might not be capable of that if he's drinking so much).

VanillaParkersBowl · 18/11/2022 18:20

His relationship is with alcohol, you are not important to him Flowers

Imogensmumma · 18/11/2022 18:25

Woah drinking when first waking up and hiding drinking in the car are signs of a very very bad alcoholic, you were so so right to leave block now he needs to sort. Himself out

TheCurseOfBoris · 18/11/2022 18:32

He's in the grip of a serious alcohol problem. Now is the time to end it for good. I had a relationship with an alcoholic. He hid it very well. I also enjoyed a drink and thought he was great company to begin with. The cracks started to show. He got stopped for drink driving and that was it for me.

MugginsOverEre · 18/11/2022 18:33

Definitely not a path you want to go down. It's early. No ties. Just break it off and tell him that you are not interested in a life with an alcoholic.
And do not think things can change. Things do not change. They just become a way of life for you to stumble over repeatedly for years until you can't take anymore but by then you're stuck with kids too.

Daleksatemyshed · 18/11/2022 18:34

All the hallmarks of an alcoholic in one post Op- spoiling your plans by drinking too much, sneaking out to drink in secret, drinking first thing in the day. He's found it easier to cover up since you don't live together but he'll gradually get worse, then you'll see just how bad the addiction is. He'll make excuses now- it's a one off, he was having a bad day/ you didn't do something/ he won't do it again- but he will, won't he?

AutumnCrow · 18/11/2022 18:37

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:11

i really didnt need to ask i know this is bad.. just said i would for outside perspectives

You said ... to who? To him?

He's still pulling your strings after that hideous experience?

VariantHela · 18/11/2022 18:38

Sounds alcohol dependant. Leave.

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:39

no i havent answered the fone or replied to any messages since i left

OP posts: