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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have left him at the hotel

45 replies

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:02

been seeing bf for a few years.. he booked a hotel for last night and tonight for us as a treat for me "his words" as been a lot of stress lately.. in the past when weve went away hes drank too much ruined things, i think he drinks far too much in generel, . we had planned to have a few quiet drinks last night then get up early this morn and go hiking it was a far journey i wasnt comfortable driving so he promised he would..so went for dinner last night had a laugh and a few drinks and he seemed to be getting drunk and a bit moody so i called it a night and we went upstairs. he passed out.. anyway i woke at 4 o clock and he wasnt there..i looked out the window and he sat in the car drinking cans of beer.. he didnt come back for an hour.. when he came back we fought.. then went back to sleep and woke at 8 and looked and he was sat on the edge of the bed drinking. a can. he tried telling me he was well fit to drive.. i got that pissed off i left and went home.. hes texting saying ive ruined the whole trip by leaving... or has he by being pissed and ruining all our plans.. was a dramatic to leave

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 18/11/2022 18:40

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:08

we dont live together and he had his own car there so wasnt left stranded.. i think the alcohol problem has gotten far worse than ive realised

So the only mistake that I can see is not taking his car keys away.

PassThePringles · 18/11/2022 18:40

Put him in the bin. You should have been his priority. I can't see it getting better, you shouldn't need to dread any future plans because of his sneaky and ott drinking. 100% you did the right thing, self preservation. He messed up, you removed yourself from the situation. Well done for not pandering to him.

CarefreeMe · 18/11/2022 18:41

Why have you wasted a few years on this idiot?

Seriously, you know he’s not going to change so stop wasting your life.

Choconut · 18/11/2022 18:47

Good news that you live separately. Now time to separate.

crownandfillers · 18/11/2022 18:50

End it please he will ruin every occasion including flights and also your daily life will be hell to live with someone like this. Remember this sentence if he tries to make excuses.

ImAvingOops · 18/11/2022 18:54

Normal people don't sit in the car at 4am drinking cans of beer.
It's really good news that you don't live together and haven't got shared finances. My mum has been friends with the wives of a couple of alcoholics - one used to just drink all her wages, the other died of liver failure leaving behind a little girl who grew up never knowing her dad! It's so sad and you don't want this to be you in a few years!

AutumnCrow · 18/11/2022 18:54

I agree that he will ruin every occasion, every plan, every event, every everything.

Or you will you be so consumed with anxiety that he will ruin everything, that you won't enjoy anything anyway.

You deserve better than this, OP. Flowers

Letthekidsplay · 18/11/2022 19:11

Get out while you can he will never change and his alcoholism which he will deny will be a blight on your entire life and that if any children you may have. You deserve so much better.

BMW6 · 18/11/2022 19:32

He's totally an alcoholic OP. The most meaningful relationship he has is with drink.

You want to keep being hurt? Stay with him.
You accept that he may injure or even kill you, himself, and others? Stay with him.
You want a future of insecurity, worry and sleepness nights? Stay with him.

Even if he acknowledges that he is an alcoholic and goes to AA or SMART to stop drinking you should disengage a relationship with him for at least 6 months. He would need to commit himself and all his concentration on not drinking. No social activities that could lead to drinking.

MavisCruet2023 · 18/11/2022 19:50

Dump him.
He's an alcoholic.
You will have a horrible, chaotic life - if you stay with him.
You'll never have anything nice.

StonwEd · 18/11/2022 19:54

Almost the same thing happened to me a few months into a relationship. Red flags all over it. While he was passed out I met a friend who lived in the city we were visiting and she begged me to end it there and then.
I didn't, we stayed together another 4.5 years. He never changed, ruined every trip we ever took. Such a waste of my life and I wish I'd listened to her back then 😔
My advice, even if he's nice when he's sober - run.

Herejustforthisone · 18/11/2022 19:56

bernfinn89 · 18/11/2022 18:39

no i havent answered the fone or replied to any messages since i left

Good. Don’t. His behaviour is genuinely disgusting. He has an appalling problem with alcohol.

GentlemanJay · 18/11/2022 19:58

Get rid. It will get worse.

Always4Brenner · 18/11/2022 20:00

Change your locks as well in case he’s got a key.

Dotcheck · 18/11/2022 20:04

The dude’s an alcoholic. You don’t owe him your life

pictish · 18/11/2022 20:17

What a self-indulgent, drunken arse. You did absolutely right to up and leave, cutting the trip short. Why the hell wouldn’t you?

Smineusername · 18/11/2022 20:29

Get rid

Rightsraptor · 18/11/2022 20:41

I have no idea who you are but you deserve much better than him. Please get rid of him.

Onnabugeisha · 18/11/2022 20:45

He’s an alcoholic and it seems his addiction is of the bingeing variety. As in one drink and his mind goes into a shark feeding frenzy mode and he literally cannot stop. He desperately needs to access an alcohol dependency program. You leaving the hotel was good, it could be the wake up call he needs. But understand if he gets help and dries out, this type of addiction often means he cannot ever drink again and you might not be able to drink in front of him ever again either. His addiction impacts you and will continue to even if he goes 100% sober.

D0nutWheels · 18/11/2022 21:10

How disappointing for you

Not my idea of a romantic weekend away

You were right to leave

I hope that you will find a better future for yourself

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