Ex Wife Pics and Wedding Ring

[Generalcookandbottlewasher]

Soooo….my OH and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 DC’s together. My OH was married briefly before to a very unsuitable woman (his words). We moved house a couple of years back and whilst clearing out to move I found lots of pics of his ex and his wedding ring. He said he would get rid. I have gone into his underwear drawer today only to find them squirrelled away at the back of it….AIBU to be really annoyed ?? WWYD?? Thanks for reading ☺️

I find it weird that you have an issue with him keeping them.
He has a life before you they are memories

Huh 🤔 have him put his own underwear away?

It's all part of his history. I was married in 1997, I've still got my wedding photos even though we divorced in early 2000s. My dd (with my current husband) and I had a right old laugh at the photos which came out of a box in the loft when we moved. I'd not want to get rid of them, it's sort of my life

I still have my wedding pictures from my first marraige (it was the last day I spent with my mum before she unexpectedly died, so they are particuarly special) I have no intention of ever getting rid of the photos. I don't however have my wedding ring, I sold it. My husband has commented on the wedding albums but I've made it very clear, I won't be getting rid of. I don't sit and gaze at them and reminise, but it is a part of my life which I cannot erase, and the last photos of my mum before she died. I still have albums of photos of our shared times together (we were in a relationship for 20 years, I can't just pretend 20 years of my life and memories didn't exist), also it is nice for my children to look through at times. Don't be jealous, be confident enough in your marriage to accept that he has loved someone before you, but its you he's with now.

I'd be annoyed because he said he would get rid of then and then didn't. Otherwise like pp have said it's a part of his past and he doesn't need to hide or apologise for that. Presumably you knew before you got together?

Thanks for all your input folks. I have been well and truly schooled. I probably should have mentioned originally that he won’t discuss her or tell our kids about her at all and that she put him through absolute hell which why I found it odd.

Hi OP, I'd be wary of 'she put me through absolute hell' being the unvarnished truth here. My ex was a shit when we broke up and continued to be on and off but we had plenty of good times and I choose to remember those. Do the children know he was married before? perhaps he just doesn't want to revisit it with anyone.

My ex tells everyone I was "the mad ex" and I put him through hell and destroyed his life.

It's not true.

I still have my wedding album and wedding ring. They're in a box under the bed. I still have photos with my ex on my photos because my kids are in them.

The "unsuitable" person is you. Just leave it alone.

He probably told you she was unsuitable because he knew you wanted to hear that, and even if he didn't and he was telling the truth and she really was "unsuitable" for him (whatever that means) he should be allowed to keep these things. Ridiculous of you unless you have absolute proof that he is in touch with her and thinking about getting back together with her. other than that you have no grounds at all.

Just to say in retrospect ex and I were unsuitable for each other. And 'put him through hell' could be...anything, really, depending on what his definition of hell is.

"that she put him through absolute hell"
again who knows if this is true or was spoken for your ears.
Did you get together with him when he was still with his first unsuitable wife by any chance??

Absolutely not!! What a horrid thing to insinuate….

Just put it down to him being inconsistent and illogical like people are. I have pics of my GM who really, really didn't like me but she was my DM's mother and members of my family who I care about loved her, so I keep them.

When the kids are of an age to understand that people have relationships that do not work out then they should be told. Mine (12 and 10) know that daddy was married before and it did not work out. They even know her name and we have a wedding photo in a drawer somewhere. (And it ended very badly indeed, but there were no Dcs from the first marriage). DH did not know his mother was married before until her funeral when he was in his 50s. It was a deep and massive shock.

I know that's not the point of your post, but just saying.

Haven’t RTFT

If he has children with her. Fine he can have them but should be in a memory box for the kids. And not your place to question that.

if he doesn’t then again why aren’t they tucked away in a box in the attic but in his drawer? But still his business.

I still have jewellery and photos from all my exes. Some wanted to marry me. Some didn’t. I keep them because they’re my history. It means little to me but they also mark transitions in my life. I had a child with one of them. One of them is a father figure to my teen and there’s pics of all of us that’s really nice to remember especially for my teen. They’re in photo albums alongside other family members.

I still wear the jewellery they bought me. Means nothing other than they had good taste and knew what I liked.

I’d bin the pics personally and get scrape value for the wedding ring.

Not sure why you would be rummaging through his stuff?
But this is HIS life and HIS belongings, so they have nothing to do with you.

They're an important part of his life. I still have things from my ex 20 years ago. They have at various points been in the attic, in my office draw, in my bedside table. It wasn't because I wanted them 'close', it's because I think my DP will react the same as you and I just put them somewhere he probably won't look and then forget.

My dh was married before we got together he had a wedding album , I didn't want it in our small 1 bed flat so asked him to store at his mums but he choose to get rid of it as he said he would never look at it or need it and he sold his ring when we had kids and needed money as he didn't want to keep it as its the past of which he has no current connection with
No dc , only together a couple years , no family in photos to hold on to.
So I would find it a little strange if my dh had wanted to keep it all as he isn't sentimetal about things but some people are i

Given your reaction today OP, it's not a total mystery why he doesn't talk about it! I do think he should tell the children he's been married before though - don't his family ever mention it?

Why were you searching his drawers?

What, without telling him?

Grow up.

You, not him. He is reasonably and you need a grin.

I have been with my dp over 3 years and not only still have my wedding albums and rings, I also have photos on my attic of my boyfriend before I met my ex husband. The ones of my wedding and of my ex are because if I were to get rid of them all, it would take me forever and despite my marriage ending, I have many happy memories to look back on from it. I also want our dc to be able to look at them if they want to as they are in many of them.

I have hidden the ones with him in from everyone on social media but they are still on there.

The ones of my ex before that because again happy memories. I was with him all through uni. I don't ever go looking at them but I like to keep hold of and look back on my past sometimes. I say that as someone whose exh had an affair and broke my heart.

Even if they weren't married for long, it was a significant period in his life and he has his reasons for keeping hold of those things.

I still have an old wedding ring somewhere, I certainly don’t miss my ex or have any good memories connected to it but (very cheesy)it’s part of my journey and what it took to be who I am now. I did give my ex the photos and don’t know or care what he did with them.

DH hasn’t previously been married but has some holiday snaps of his long term ex. It’s quite funny seeing him as a young scrawny thing. The DC find them hilarious.