To buy Christmas presents then ask for the money?

[Balloontshirt]

Is this a normal thing that people do? Buying a present for their child and then texting you asking for the money for it as it’s from you. Without any prior notice?

No, of course not. Is someone trying to tell you it is?

Not normal at all!

I would reply and say sorry you have already bought a present.

cf’s!!

No, that is extremely odd. I have an arrangement with my mum whereby she puts money into my bank account for the kids' presents then I get the present /pass on the cash to them (teenagers). But that's having discussed it first!

Rude unless you'd discussed it first

No. How would they know your budget? Said person is a CF.

No I've only ever done this with it being clearly communicated (e.g. family we don't usually see in person in Christmas asking for suggestions we'll quite often agree to just each buy the presents and then transfer the cash to save postage).

I'd be replying as a PP suggested that oh dear, you've already got a present for littleCF, it's a shame CF didn't check first.

Only with prior agreement. So some times it's easier for me to buy and get money back from gran. But I would never say ' I've bought minidweller a new doll from you you owe me £15.99'. it would be 'can you get minidweller a new doll , can you get it for me and I'll pay you back, up to about £20'. I'd buy say how much and get either cash or bank transfer. Never just expectations. CF

Just doing it with no prior conversation is rude, but my family do have that kind of set up for a few relatives who either don't know the kids well or struggle to get to the shops. If I saw something my kids wanted on offer, I might ring one of my family members, ask if they could get them it & offer to buy it on their behalf. If I couldn't reach them, I might buy it anyway if it was likely to go out of stock. When I did get through I'd ask if they wanted to give it, but if they don't that would be fine and it would go in the santa pile (the present budget is around £10-15, so I can afford to do that)

I buy Christmas & birthday gifts from my parents, in-laws and brother. They live in a different country and don't spend enough time with my kids to know what they have or what they want. And the grandparents are not great with tech, so struggle to order online.

So I buy extra gifts from them and then they send us some money. It works for us but I would never do this with anyone other than close family.

I thought as much, it’s a family member that has joined into the family recently so just had to check.

No prior arrangement just a text out the blue saying we’ve brought XXX present from you, it’s XXX can you transfer the money over.

I was shocked, said we’d pay it as I was keeping the peace. Won’t be doing it next year though!

That's hilarous! Some people have such thick skin.

Well, a bit more info might be of use 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it was for a niece and you have years of you and your sister buying a similar budget gift, and this is in line with that cost, and she thinks she’s saved you a job - then it’s not the worst crime.

This is somewhat normal for my sister.

But what she usually does is send a list of the things her kids want to family and suggest you get a certain thing from the list.

I dont speak to her, nor do I follow her rules.
If someone uses their own mind to buy a gift not from the list, she genuinely looks confused and annoyed when the child opens it, often telling them not to open the box/take the tags off. I presume to regift. Its incredible.

Not the way you've described no!

Sometimes in the family we'll have conversations like:

'is there anything you want for Christmas this year?'
'oh I've just bought some slippers for myself, you can get them for me if you want to give me the money for them'

@Testina it’s my nephew, we have a lot to do with him, know what he likes, have seen all the other toys he has.
We only have last Christmas to go off because of his age, last Christmas I text my SIL and asked if there is anything he would like, got sent a link saying this is what we would like you to get him. To be honest found that very forward too as normally if someone would ask us what to get for our son I’d usually say something like clothes or a bath toy, not actually one specific thing as I don’t know their budget.

I'd have replied saying we've already bought his Xmas pressie. Even if I hadn't got it yet.
Otherwise next year they'll do the same thing.

You’ve agreed to pay it, but I would say that you won’t do that again as it feels that you are being told what to buy instead of being given a few ideas…. That you like to buy gifts for your nephew and being asked for payment of a gift they have chosen and bought doesn’t feel the same. Smile sweetly as you say it and I’m sure no one will be offended.

It's a mistake to go along with it this year. Unless it's something you might've bought him anyway/within budget/doing you a favour. Even then, you still need to establish ground rules. They'll do the same for his birthday too if you act as though this is OK.

If he's tiny then it's much more enjoyable buying your own gifts - although if this is how she acts now, chances are she'll bin/give away/get passive aggressive about whatever you buy, then cry if you complain 😅(sorry, I'm projecting).

Out of interest. Why did you ask her what to buy last year and not your sibling?

have you seen a copy of the receipt? Or has she just told you how much it cost her?

Send her note saying you've bought X at £250 for someone, transfer cash please
(Am not childish at all......)

But in reality what a CF!!

My SIL does this. I find it so rude and it makes me resent giving her DC anything. Ironically if she was less of a CF I would probably spend more on them!

Yeah, my sister does this all the time - she sends me specific items to buy. I put my foot down this year - she sent me a message at start of October with Amazon links, saying, "Not sure if you were thinking about Christmas yet, but this is what I'd like you to get DNs."
I sent her a message back stating that we had;t considered any presents at that point, and therefore hand;t worked out our budget yet. These presents were outside of our budget anyway, but only by a few pounds, but still a few pounds adds up for each individual when both DH and I have large families, which is why we always set a budget for how much we'll spend on individuals. My sister always sends me individual links, and I've had to send her many messages in the past saying, "Sorry, I wasn't expecting to pay that much." (Especially before I met DH, and was living off a single wage, and she has four children.)

Last week (when I was ready to start buying presents), I sent her some ideas, of, "I'm thinking of getting them XYZ - which of these do you think they would prefer/don't already have?" (So essentially my compromise was sending a few suggestions of my own, for each child, and DSis chose from my options).

But yeah, it's annoying. She's the only person I know who does this, and she's done it for years - ever since her first child was born, so she's not going to change now - it's not just me she does it too, she sends our mum/other family members direct links too.

Sounds like my BIL/SIL in a way. Sent us a list of gifts to choose from for their three children, minimum £35 each, so we spent over £100… we got a card for our DCs first birthday, and a tenner pulled from BILs wallet in front of us. So cheeky.
I mean, you’ve already said yes now so don’t know what we can really say but I wouldn’t just transfer them money in the future unless it suits you to do so and the gifts are in your budget.

If it cost around the amount I budgeted for I'd go along with it. If it was quite a bit more I'd frankly reply no, I am not spending so much I'll get a present myself within my budget.