To buy Christmas presents then ask for the money?

[Balloontshirt]

Is this a normal thing that people do? Buying a present for their child and then texting you asking for the money for it as it’s from you. Without any prior notice?

(Apologies for mis-tying a few ' to ; in my above!)

I’d say “thanks for sorting, are you okay to wrap it too, cheers” 😂
One crossed off the list at least.

I think I'd be fine with that, so long as it's in budget. Anything that cuts down on Christmas hassle is fine by me.

If the thing she has bought seems reasonable and costs about what you were planning to pay, I would be fine with it (more than fine, I would be delighted). If it was something I would never buy or more than I wanted to spend, I would say "Oh no, too late! We already have something for him."

But I must say, every year DS gets a lot of well meant gifts that he has no interest in, and doesn't get some things he would love to get, and it always strikes me that the resources could be better used if I had the brass neck to say "Please no more snap circuits or anything STEM as birthday gifts - actually nothing educational. He would love a Fortnite banana pickaxe."

I actually did this last night with my mum. We'd been discussing what the kids wanted and she asked me to send her links. I emailed them so she could buy the things herself. I came across a perfume my girls want and it was on a half price offer ending midnight kinda deal so I quickly bought it without checking as it was too late at night. I've told mum that if she wants to give it to the girls then she can transfer me the cash or I'll give it to them. I'm not fussed either way. THAT is okay, only because it was sort of discussed earlier, there's no obligation to pay and I know I've saved mum £20.
But to just buy something and demand the money? I wouldn't be paying. It's bloody rude!

No, I think that's rude.

I don't have any problem with being given a specific thing to buy (I always ask for a direct link to something that the kids actually want) but would be majorly put out if someone had already bought something without my agreement.

I might ask my mum what her budget is (I know normally how much she spends) and then send a link to something I'd seen that mine have asked for. I wouldn't order it until she had agreed she was happy to buy them it and she sends the money over to me (she's in a different country)

Wow that is seriously rude! I would refuse to pay for it out of principle! OP you are making a mistake by letting them get away with it this year because they will keep doing it!

It's pretty rude to just announce it like that. I do always buy my kids gifts from my parents and they give me the money, but this is at their request and we have a set budget so I know I'm not over spending on their behalf. For other family, if they ask for ideas, I send them my kids Amazon wishlists which always have a large price range so they can pick something that fits their budget without an awkward conversation. But lots of people will just choose a gift and that's fine too. Some parents can be super entitled about their kids gifts though so sounds like your sil is one of them

That is SHOCKING! I can't believe they did that. Did your jaw hit the floor??

My parents and in laws request that I choose gifts for our DSs and they give us the money and wrap the gifts. I always check the budget and also check they are happy with the gifts before I buy them. In laws are older and struggle with getting to shops and online shopping and my parents would rather the kids have something they really want and worry they will duplicate. Works for us but always with prior discussion and set budgets. All grandparents pick up little bits for the kids aswell which they choose themselves, I do find it a bit more work for me but definitely better than getting loads of presents the kids don't want!

I would definitely tell her you’ve already bought something to nip it in the bud.

What? Half the joy is choosing just the right present, the second half is watching them open it! I don't want the child thinking I'd bought them X when I was planning on giving them Y. Next year tell her/him that you've already bought the gifts (even if you haven't yet).

I expect my expression said a lot. We’ve had a lot of issues between us in the past but we’ve always been so fond of their children, spent a lot of time and effort on our relationship with them all and have bought them lovely presents the last ten years so it really felt like a slap in the face. I was, still am, so hurt that they think so little of our DC.

Weird and inappropriate.

You should have said you'd already bought something.

I do a version this with my mum, sister and a very good friend. They might ask "what does DD want for Christmas?" and I'll offer to get something on their behalf and they'll pay me back. I'd never do it without a prior conversation... and only if they bring it up first. Anything else is incredibly presumptuous.

To be fair if it's a similar price to what you bought last year she may just think she's been super organised and helpful but in general, it's polite to suggest it first or wait to be asked for suggestions!