To take money from refugee for holiday

[2greenroses]

I have taken in many refugees over the years, and have kept in touch with some of them. This relates to a young man, an asylum seeker, 18 years old when he stayed with us, a refugee from a hell hole, where he had been separated from his parents, denied education and nutrition, and his siblings killed. ( Yes he crossed the channel in a small boat, I know that question is going to come up...)

His parents and surviving cousin escaped separately, and he eventually rejoined them in another safe European country where they were granted refugee status.

Now, 6 years later, I have cancer, and the family have tried to send me money. I have turned it down repeatedly. But we have a chance to go on holiday, and this could be our last chance. And we are struggling to afford it.

I am doing the right thing to say no, and to potentially miss the holiday, aren't I?

It feels so wrong to say yes, but I have difficulty clarifying to myself why.

I already know I'm not taking the money, really, I suppose I am looking for a way of reassuring myself it is the right decision

YABU - accept the money from a refugee family, who are currently a bit better off that you

YANBU - no, don't accept it, it is wrong

Agree with previous posters- if the family are repeatedly offering then it looks like they hope you will accept the money, rather than them feeling obliged to do so and relieved when you said no.

If they are happily settled and can afford it, then I suspect it would mean a great deal for them to be able to help you in a time of need, just as you helped them.

BTW I get it, OP.

Serious illness brings so many changes to the dynamics of your life.

If you've always been the coper, the fixer, the rescuer, the mama who looks after everyone else, then it can be a huge shock not to be able to do that any more – and what's more to actually be the one in need of looking after. The foundations of your identity are undermined.

It's hard adjusting to such seismic shifts at the best of times – and if you're having lots of days foggy, tired and below par, this isn't the best of times.

So what's obvious to us looking from the outside, may be almost unthinkable for you.

But what they all said.^

Accept with grace the freely given gift of those to whom you gave freely.

Culturally, you may be causing offence by refusing their generosity. You took a person in as part of your family for a while, which means you are part of theirs. Let them look after you now and celebrate your kindness.

It might be really important for them to be able to do this.

Graciously accepting generosity is a way to enable equality.

If you know they can afford it.

Accept a modest amount and show your gratitude to them in return.

It will probably feel really good.

You are part of a giving universe, not a martyr.

Ongoing good wishes to you.

I have decided to accept. Thank you all for your input

Enjoy a lovely holiday, greenroses.

You haven't mentioned what your prognosis is, but all very best wishes for things going as well as possible.

Yabu. In some cultures, it's an insult to refuse a gift, Accept the money from the family you helped reunite. They want to express their thanks and gratitude for your kindness towards their dc. They would be so happy to know that you used it on something that brought you a bit of respite and cheer.

Take it - They want to thank you and try in a small way to try and repay what you did for them as clearly you are very important to them and WOW - what a difference you have made to them.

On a separate note - i am so sorry to hear that you have cancer, i really hope you are on the mend and treatment is going well X

Wonderful! The Universe is giving you a big hug just when you need it.

Excellent news! Sending you lots of love! Have a wonderful, joyful holiday with your family xx

You helped out a man in need at one of his lowest points. His family now want to do that for you.

What lovely people, all of you. I see your point, but it's possibly rude of you keep refusing. Take it, say thank you, send a postcard, and some photos if you want to. Keep in touch with them afterwards.

Enjoy your holiday.

I can see OP has accepted. For me it depends on the amount of weather I would of accepted or not

Good, enjoy your holiday @2greenroses

I think it’s a lovely way for them to repay your generosity when they needed it. You don’t have to accept much but it’s the principle. So if they want to contribute to flights for example I would accept or accommodation. They clearly want to offer and actually I think it could be rude not to accept in the same way it is rude not to accept a gift. ( I don’t think you mean it rudely of course)

Well it rained all day so she should be OK