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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out alone

52 replies

Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 19:42

Hi

I have asked on a few occasions if dh would like to go out with me without the dc. I have suggested nights out, weekends away, concerts, meals etc but he doesn’t seem keen. He never really says yes or no just shrugs. I have sat down next to him with my phone ready to make restaurant reservations or buy tickets for bands but again he just doesn’t say anything. I asked if I should book tickets to a live show and he replied he wasn’t interested in the show.

I don’t have any friends to go out with much as my life is pretty busy with work and dc.

Today I bumped into an old school friend who was going out with her husband and they were both dressed up and laughing together, holding hands and talking about the lovely evening they had planned and it really made me want to get dressed up and enjoy an adult night.

I have since made dinner reservations for just me. I’m then looked at a local band and considered booking a single ticket and going alone.
Do you think this is ok as a lone female. Any tips?

Would you judge someone out alone?

Thank you

OP posts:
LemonsAndCherries · 17/11/2022 19:44

Of course it's fine. When travelling for work and pre DH on holidays I've eaten many meals just me and been solo to shows.

I do think you should tackle as well though why your DH doesn't want to go too.

Jap26 · 17/11/2022 19:44

I absolutely wouldn't judge you, go for it Nd have a super lovely time!

Norma27 · 17/11/2022 19:45

I have been to the theatre, sporting events and dinner in my own. To be honest I prefer it!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/11/2022 19:45

Wouldn't notice and I doubt anyone else will. Why should they judge you?

AnonWeeMouse · 17/11/2022 19:45

Dump the Husband, enjoy yourself.

Either for odd nights or just in general, you know you don't have to stay with a misery, you could be with someone you go out and laugh with.
I'd rather be alone than with someone I can't enjoy life with.

Milotree · 17/11/2022 19:47

fair play to you ! Something I would never do as Iv got anxiety. How long have you been with your husband ? Has it always been this way? When was the last time you both enjoyed each others company without DC?

VladmirsPoutine · 17/11/2022 19:50

I think there are two things here - firstly, go out on your own and enjoy it! I've done it many times both when I've been single and in a relationship. Secondly, have you got to the root of why he doesn't want to go out with you? Is he generally engaged in family life and is a 'present' husband and father? Some people genuinely just don't like being out and about but that's separate to disengaging from your spouse.

Shoxfordian · 17/11/2022 19:52

There’s nothing wrong with going alone but there’s everything wrong with your marriage if your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you

BigScreen · 17/11/2022 19:54

Yes go. I've been to many places alone. Noone bats an eyelid.

Where in the country are you?

Original poster
Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 19:55

we have been married 7 years. I think perhaps we have just got into a rut of being just mum and dad. We do things with the children together but not as a couple. Sad really. I’d love to reconnect but it’s difficult when I’m met with resistance. I think he may be embarrassed of me a little but that’s just an assumption.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 17/11/2022 19:55

I’ve travelled this country, and others, alone. Far flung and closer to home. Eaten in Michelin starred restaurants, been to the theatre, the opera, gigs and archeological digs. All by myself.

Do you know what I noticed?

There are those who judge. You can pretty much actually see how small their minds are, whilst also seeing they are seething with jealousy and fury at your freedom. It’s quite the entertaining watch! If having a glass of champagne alone in a hotel or restaurant makes me a fallen woman, I’ll wear that badge with pride.

There are those who wish they were you. Usually quite good fun for a glass of champagne.

There are those who couldn’t give a single shiny shit.
Definitely good fun for a glass of champagne. Or six.

GO!

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2022 19:56

No God no. You can often have more fun on your own and can suit yourself. Anyone who judges you is small minded.

But the biggest question for me is why are you with someone who doesn’t want to go anywhere with you? What on earth is the point of this man?

SirenSays · 17/11/2022 19:57

Please go and have the best time🥂
I wouldn't be surprised if your DH realised he's missing out and suddenly wants to come too.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 17/11/2022 19:58

I’m single and intend to stay that way. I often take myself on dates. Theatre is my favourite. I treat myself to nice dinner beforehand. It’s perfect!

Original poster
Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 20:02

I’m looking at theatre tickets now. You have all reassured and inspired me.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/11/2022 20:04

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 17/11/2022 19:55

I’ve travelled this country, and others, alone. Far flung and closer to home. Eaten in Michelin starred restaurants, been to the theatre, the opera, gigs and archeological digs. All by myself.

Do you know what I noticed?

There are those who judge. You can pretty much actually see how small their minds are, whilst also seeing they are seething with jealousy and fury at your freedom. It’s quite the entertaining watch! If having a glass of champagne alone in a hotel or restaurant makes me a fallen woman, I’ll wear that badge with pride.

There are those who wish they were you. Usually quite good fun for a glass of champagne.

There are those who couldn’t give a single shiny shit.
Definitely good fun for a glass of champagne. Or six.

GO!

This. There's a thread on here where OP's colleague travelled around India alone and all the OP could think to ask her was if she got lonely; and got her backside handed to her by numerous posters. The narrowness of some people's outlook, esp towards women on their own, is so depressing.

If having a glass of champagne alone in a hotel or restaurant makes me a fallen woman, I’ll wear that badge with pride

Haven't done that - usually have mine at home, toss the bottle in the recycling and let the neighbours think what they want. That might be one for the New Year....😄

AuntieEntity · 17/11/2022 20:05

Oh, I love going out alone! Going to the movies, sometimes just for a coffee with a book, or lunch...I can't remember the last time I did that since I became a single mum. Please go and let me live vicariously through you!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 17/11/2022 20:05

Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 20:02

I’m looking at theatre tickets now. You have all reassured and inspired me.

You go (in all senses of the phrase). And a pre-theatre dinner if finances allow.

Mummieslncorporated · 17/11/2022 20:06

I've been to loads of things alone - meals, cinema, theatre, gigs - nobody else is paying you any attention. And even if they did, it says more about them than it does about you!

Schmeeeee · 17/11/2022 20:07

I can totally relate to your situation OP. I have stopped asking my husband to do anything with me and instead will only go out with friends now. Saying that if I didn't go out with friends, I would 100% be booking myself Theatre or concert tickets for just myself.

Go! Do it! Live life!!

Bollocks2that · 17/11/2022 20:11

I think you do right.
I sometimes take myself off for a coffee date with myself. I sit near a window and just watch the world go by for a bit.
I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Enjoy yourself!
It's a shame partner is not wanting to join you. Unless he's an absolute home body I'd be trying to get him to open up about why he doesn't want to. I think time alone is ok but couple time is important too. You sound like a fun person!!

AutumnSquill · 17/11/2022 20:17

Do it! It's very liberating being able to go out to see and do the things you want to do without having to persuade someone who doesn't want to go and will just be miserable if they do go. And if you're not enjoying something, you can leave whenever you want.

HappyDays40 · 17/11/2022 20:20

Me and my husband do this. I'm currently out on my own now, I love it.

Leeds2 · 17/11/2022 20:22

Go! You will have a fabulous time, and enjoy your time away.

The only thing I would suggest to think about is if you would have reliable babysitting if your DH refused to look after the children? Because many of them do.

QWE96 · 17/11/2022 20:23

OP, you should absolutely do it! I love taking myself out. I went to the theatre recently and it was fantastic. No tying up logistics, no factoring other people's wants, just a chill evening with my own company. The first time is a bit daunting, but I'd say go for it - never know if you don't try, right?

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