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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out alone

52 replies

Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 19:42

Hi

I have asked on a few occasions if dh would like to go out with me without the dc. I have suggested nights out, weekends away, concerts, meals etc but he doesn’t seem keen. He never really says yes or no just shrugs. I have sat down next to him with my phone ready to make restaurant reservations or buy tickets for bands but again he just doesn’t say anything. I asked if I should book tickets to a live show and he replied he wasn’t interested in the show.

I don’t have any friends to go out with much as my life is pretty busy with work and dc.

Today I bumped into an old school friend who was going out with her husband and they were both dressed up and laughing together, holding hands and talking about the lovely evening they had planned and it really made me want to get dressed up and enjoy an adult night.

I have since made dinner reservations for just me. I’m then looked at a local band and considered booking a single ticket and going alone.
Do you think this is ok as a lone female. Any tips?

Would you judge someone out alone?

Thank you

OP posts:
deeperthanallroses · 17/11/2022 20:26

Dining out alone used to be a highlight of travelling with work. I wouldn’t let myself look at my phone much, and enjoy the food and people watch. And going to movies alone- the closest I come now is baby cinema!

Phos · 17/11/2022 20:30

I'm taking myself ice skating and out for dinner tomorrow. Go for it!

justcallmebozo · 17/11/2022 20:31

@Alonealonealone

You go girl!!!

Rippled · 17/11/2022 20:34

A woman out? Alone? I'd definitely assume you were out looking to pick up a married man.

PinkSyCo · 17/11/2022 20:34

I, personally would feel weird eating out or going to the theatre alone, but if I saw you (or any another woman) out enjoying life on their own, I would just think how lovely it would be to be as confident and self assured as you.

PanicAtTheDisco2000 · 17/11/2022 20:36

Have you heard of Meet-up? It’s an app to connect people with similar interests for real life meet-ups local to them. I’ve found a film club, and a book club. There’s loads of different interests. Usual caveats about being safe, but have a look. www.meetup.com

AuntieEntity · 17/11/2022 20:37

Rippled · 17/11/2022 20:34

A woman out? Alone? I'd definitely assume you were out looking to pick up a married man.

Jesus, what a regressive attitude to have.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2022 20:39

Rippled · 17/11/2022 20:34

A woman out? Alone? I'd definitely assume you were out looking to pick up a married man.

I assume you're being sarcastic!

I used to travel for work and was always out on my own. It was great, very confidence building!

Dontbelieveawordofit · 17/11/2022 20:39

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out alone, book those tickets and go enjoy.
As to not having time for friends as you're busy with work and DC, try think of it another way. Any time you would have spent with DH going out can quite reasonably be changed into time you spend with friends seen as he has no interest in doing things with you.
There's a huge world out there and many experiences to be had, don't look back in 5, 10 years time and regret not doing things just because DH refuses to join you. Do them solo or with family and friends.

FourChimneys · 17/11/2022 20:40

AuntieEntity It was meant as sarcasm.

Very often the best company you can have is yourself. DH is the best possible life partner but I still do loads on my own, from a cup of tea in Waitrose to holidays.

notacooldad · 17/11/2022 20:43

Do you think this is ok as a lone female. Any tips?
i have a DH that does loads of stuff with me and also have friends to go out with. However there lots of times either they they don’t fancy it or not available. Of course I go by myself. Why on earth would I miss out on something I want to do or see. I have been doing this for over 40 years. I clearly suffer from FOMO!
Tips? Just do what you want. Why miss out?

Rippled · 17/11/2022 20:43

Rippled · 17/11/2022 20:34

A woman out? Alone? I'd definitely assume you were out looking to pick up a married man.

My mum used to tell me that the Ripper gets women like that. It was a funny time and place so I can't be too harsh about it.

Checkmateready · 17/11/2022 20:46

Go for it. Don’t waste your life and don’t let him hold you back.

BarnabyRocks · 17/11/2022 20:56

Go for it. I wouldn't judge a lone female or male watching a band, eating out etc. I used to go the cinema on my own quite a lot when I was single (arty films that I was really into and none of my friends were) and to art galleries,etc, would go now except I'm too knackered and can't be arsed to go out generally. I know what you mean about seeing your friend and partner all dressed up and enjoying each others company. Do you have babysitters? Is your husband too knackered to want to go out? I would say go out on your own but also have a good chat about what his beef really is about not wanting to go out with you. Enjoy the band!

AuntieEntity · 17/11/2022 20:57

@FourChimneys I've been off work poorly and have spent far too long in this viper pit this week. My sarcasm radar has completed jammed! Blush

Unusually · 17/11/2022 21:04

Pre kids I often went alone to gigs, theatre etc. Travelled to and around the whole of NZ alone and had the best time!

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 17/11/2022 21:05

I think when you get back and tell your DH what a great time you've had he'll realise what he's missing and be inspired to put the effort in to going with you next time.
Parenting can be hard. You get used to being tired, and not going out, and everything revolving round the needs of the dch. Separately from the theatre, etc, it sounds as if you need to reconnect with him - what about a date night at home? Put some music on, nice food, dress up, talk about what got you together in the first place?

candywoo · 17/11/2022 21:58

Why not! Sounds amazing

Lcb123 · 17/11/2022 22:15

Definitely go on your own! I’m married but do lots of my own, especially theatre, concerts or cinema it doesn’t make much different on your own. But I do think you need to discuss with your DH why he doesn’t want to do things together, maybe there’s something underlying

Notateacheranymore · 17/11/2022 22:20

My husband was in the Air Force for nearly 20 years. Many times I’ve been out alone because he was on detachment and none of my friends were available. No negotiation of where to have dinner, which film or show to see, whether to have another drink afterwards or go straight home.

It’s perfection.

chaosmaker · 17/11/2022 22:25

Alonealonealone · 17/11/2022 20:02

I’m looking at theatre tickets now. You have all reassured and inspired me.

Maybe once he sees you are having fun going out, he'll want to join you. If not, you have a babysitter :D

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/11/2022 13:39

PinkSyCo · 17/11/2022 20:34

I, personally would feel weird eating out or going to the theatre alone, but if I saw you (or any another woman) out enjoying life on their own, I would just think how lovely it would be to be as confident and self assured as you.

Hi Pinky, I can't speak for anyone else but I wasn't born with that confidence and self-assurance, I developed it by dipping my toe in the water and finding it was OK then doing it again and again.

Try it, you might surprise yourself.

PingusSister · 24/04/2023 10:12

About a year ago I went to London for a major event that attracted lots of visitors. DH would have come with me but couldn't get time off work, so I went on my own and had a lovely time, making the most of the entire day. My friend was absolutey dumbfounded that I had done it all on my own, couldn't get over how brave I was and seemed more focussed on that than on hearing about the actual trip! I just replied that I used to commute into London every day as a matter of course, so it was no big deal as far as I was concerned. Oh well, at least I managed to impress someone that day ... 😂

Lullabies2Paralyze · 24/04/2023 10:22

I used to go to gigs all the time by myself, probably will again when DS is a bit older and bands I like tour as DH either doesn’t like them enough to waste money or doesn’t like them at all or umms and arrs

ive also been to see bands in pubs/small venues by myself. That always made me feel more self conscious as it’s a smaller environment and people can tell you are alone and I often felt stared at. But once the music starts and the lights go out I felt a lot better….so my advice is if you are not overly confident about going alone, maybe don’t get their too early that way you won’t be standing by yourself for 30 mins waiting for the bands.

SallyWD · 24/04/2023 10:26

I often go out alone. Love eating out, going to gigs etc alone. It's great! No one notices.
As I'm typing this I'm out for brunch alone. Looking around me now there are 3 other people eating alone. I hadn't noticed.

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