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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Joint party for brothers age 3 & 10

43 replies

Sidking · 17/11/2022 12:23

My 2 boys have birthdays 8 days apart, so I've been thinking about hiring the local village hall and having a joint party for them, there would be no family (we live miles away) so it would be older sons friends from school, and younger sons from nursery.

I thought it would be great, we could hire a bouncy castle and a ball pit, have music and party food. We have one of those parachute things so could play games on that too. If the hall is big enough I would want 2 bouncy castles, one for big kids and one for the smalls.

But is it social suicide for my 10 year old? His 3 closest friends wouldn't think anything of it (one actively involved my toddler in their games) but I'm not sure about the wider social group. Is it completely uncool to have a joint party with completely different age groups?

We had one last year but that was in our hometown, with family and my friends and their kids of mixed ages.

YABU - totally uncool, FFS don't do that to him
YANBU - your 9/10yo wouldn't be bat an eye

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 17/11/2022 12:25

I wouldn't. At age 10 my ds wouldn't have wanted that type of party and said they were babyish so adding loads of 3 year olds makes it even worse.

ChessieDarling · 17/11/2022 12:26

If money allows, no, I wouldn’t do that. Not necessarily because it’s ‘uncool’ (altho I suspect it may be seen as such by some little rascals) but because it seems a shame for them not to have their own special day for their birthday. Your three year old wouldn’t notice so much, perhaps, but it seems a bit unfair on the older boy.

AriettyHomily · 17/11/2022 12:27

Give the ten year old his own party!! Ten year olds don't want to play parachute games or in a ball pit.

TeenDivided · 17/11/2022 12:27

I think that's too big an age gap, sorry. The older ones won't be able to run around etc with having to mind out for the little ones. The parents of the younger ones will want to stay too. I think you need to do 2 smaller separate things (or nothing for the 3yo).

Merrow · 17/11/2022 12:28

As a parent of a three year old I'd find this less relaxing - I couldn't trust my DS to stay out of the way of the 10 year olds, and wouldn't expect the 10 year olds to be as careful as I'd like round the 3 year olds!

MrsApplepants · 17/11/2022 12:29

Sorry, no 10 year old wants a birthday party with a bunch of toddlers

millymollymoomoo · 17/11/2022 12:29

I wouldn’t do that

10 year olds don’t want 3 year olds hanging around
and on more serious note you can’t let 3 year olds on bouncy castle with 10 year olds

does not sound like a lot of fun for your 10 yo

FreakyFrie · 17/11/2022 12:31

Too big a age gap.

10 year olds don’t want little 3 year olds clinging onto them

healthadvice123 · 17/11/2022 12:32

Would a 10 year old want a bouncy castle and ball bit , parachute ?

PeekAtYou · 17/11/2022 12:33

Do you have enough people to keep the 3 year olds and 10 year olds separated? There will be 3 year olds who want to try the 10 year old's castle and vice versa plus the 10 year olds throwing balls in the ball pit and jumping about could seem rough to the 3 year olds.

MissBattleaxe · 17/11/2022 12:33

At 10, my DS was happy with taking a couple of mates to a trampoline park/ice cream parlour/ bowling. They would have hated a toddler's party and as a parent, I would spend the whole time tensed to the max saying "be careful! Don't run! Mind your brother!" Nightmare.

Thesearmsofmine · 17/11/2022 12:34

No, that sounds like a great party for a 3 year old but a terrible one for a 10 year ol plus the added issue of 10 year olds banging into toddlers and hurting them etc.

dramalamma · 17/11/2022 12:35

I think that gap is too big - I have done joint parties before but mine are only 11 months apart! I wonder if you could do consecutive parties - one in the morning and one in the afternoon? Give yourself an hour in between to get rid of the stragglers, tidy up and get set up for the next one and you're all set.

toastofthetown · 17/11/2022 12:35

Ten seems way too old for a village hall party with a bouncy castle, and especially with a group of three year olds. I’m sure by that age they are at the Pizza Hut and cinema with a few friends stage.

edwinbear · 17/11/2022 12:35

Agree with others that the age gap is too big - 10y olds and 3y olds want/need completely different types of parties.

SageRosemary · 17/11/2022 12:37

Three words

HEALTH AND SAFETY

Hoppinggreen · 17/11/2022 12:37

No idea about cool but it sounds dangerous and frankly a bit boring for the 10 year old

Coolyule · 17/11/2022 12:38

That party sounds perfect for 3 year olds but definitely not ten year olds. My ten year old son and his friends wouldn’t be very entertained by a bouncy castle and a parachute and it would be a nightmare trying to keep the 3 year olds safe around the ten year olds who will inevitably be trying to climb over the bouncy castle or do flips off it. I think it would very much be seen as a toddlers kind of party. Could your 10 yo have a couple of friends to sleep over and then go to trampoline park/cinema etc?

SoTiredTodaySoNeedCofee · 17/11/2022 12:39

My 10 yr old had a gaming party last year! There is noooo waaaay he'd want a party in a hall with a bouncy castle and parachute. Sure, he'd secretly enjoy going along to the 3yr olds party and having a sneaky bounce on the castle if none of his friends were there. But having that as HIS 10th birthday party - no way!!

Please don't do this OP! Give the 10yr old a different birthday party!

Original poster
Sidking · 17/11/2022 12:40

Thanks everyone, noted!

My eldest is quite young compared to others (highly likely inattentive ADHD, he's on the pathway to diagnosis), he's not yet bothered about appearances and stuff so I don't think he would find it uncool or anything, but some of his age group likely would!

The safety thing is why i would have had 2 bouncy castles, so they were separate, but I suppose running around and stuff would also pose a risk!

Maybe I'll skip it for the smaller one and just do what we usually do which is 1 or 2 friends for a day out somewhere for the eldest

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2022 12:40

Consecutive parties. 3yos first, with bouncy castle. Then clear that stuff up, toddlers go home and have a film party or nerf battle for 10yos.

Sushi7 · 17/11/2022 12:42

That’s a huge age gap and it’s your eldest’s big birthday (double digits). Also, their birthdays are not on the same day. If I was turning 10, I wouldn’t want to be mingling with nursery children.

Anoisagusaris · 17/11/2022 12:42

Nothing wrong with a bouncy castle for 10 years olds…..provided it’s one of the huge ones. No way would I have 3 year olds and 10 year olds on one bouncy castle though, or in one hall. Would he too stressful

Original poster
Sidking · 17/11/2022 12:43

healthadvice123 · 17/11/2022 12:32

Would a 10 year old want a bouncy castle and ball bit , parachute ?

He loved the parachute last year! If anything he was getting annoyed there weren't enough older kids and the little ones couldn't understand some of the games 🤣

And he does enjoy a bouncy castle! Straight on at any kind of fun day

OP posts:
SBAM · 17/11/2022 12:43

if you’re hiring the hall and bouncy castle could you do the little kids in the morning and then the older ones after? Get a decent sized bouncy castle (maybe the ones with slide too?)
Do parachute games for the little ones and then get nerf guns out for the older ones or have it more like an assault course?