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Original poster

How do I forgive myself? (Cancer)

43 replies

Mookaruu · 17/11/2022 09:33

I have SCC (skin cancer). I found a red lump on the base of my neck in March. I dismissed as nothing for months and months and months. Finally I got round to seeing a GP. It’s SCC. I’m waiting to find out how bad it is. I imagine it must have spread by now. It’s been so long. I hate that I’ve done this to myself and my family.

OP posts:
Jonahnath · 17/11/2022 09:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

iloveburmese3 · 17/11/2022 09:35

Anyone would have done the same as you don't worry! It's great now you're able to get it sorted. stay positive

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/11/2022 09:35

Sorry to hear that OP but why are you blaming yourself? You must know it isn’t your fault?

billyt · 17/11/2022 09:42

@Mookaruu

Morning, OP. Didn't feel I could read and run without commenting.

I know it's easy to blame yourself but you shouldn't. No one else blames you and if they do then they aren't worth knowing. Make sure you go to all your appointments (and there will probably be loads) and talk to people. Keep busy as much as you can, as that's a distraction.

I say this not to worry you even more, but because my wife did exactly the same thing and unfortunately it has got very serious. I won't go into too may details as it might worry you unnecessarily. The NHS Oncology service etc. are being excellent. She had radiotherapy last Christmas which reduced the cancerous area.

Good luck and try to be positive.

Original poster
Mookaruu · 17/11/2022 09:45

It’s my fault for ignoring it as a weird skin thing.

OP posts:
gib1973 · 17/11/2022 09:49

I had breast cancer. Noticed the lump 18 months before and dismissed it as muscle. It happens. Please don't blame yourself. This totally isn't your fault. Good luck with your treatment xxx

billyt · 17/11/2022 09:52

And unfortunately, you can't turn the clock back. So you need that feeling of 'if only' out of your mind. there is no point beating yourself up as that won't help. Now you need positivity and comforting. You need to stay well in body and mind to help the healing.

Good luck.

rmummyofone · 17/11/2022 09:55

Forgive yourself because you don't need to blame yourself.
How could you have known?
Wishing you a healthy fast recovery Flowers

talkingmorenonsense · 17/11/2022 09:56

Is it Squamous cell? If so, then it’s treatable. It’s not the horrible one Malignant Melanoma.

RandomMusings7 · 17/11/2022 09:57

People ignore much more concerning symptoms for years. It's understandable you would choose to keep an eye on it for a few weeks before going to see a doctor. It's human nature.

Good news is that SCC is treatable and very rarely life-threatening. Try not to dwell on what could have been. Now you know what you are dealing with and you can focus on getting the right treatment.

Best wishes ❤

Abra1t · 17/11/2022 09:59

I think what you’re experiencing is a not-uncommon reaction to a diagnosis. It’s part of the shock you’re feeling. 💐

Itchintobestitchin · 17/11/2022 10:00

I left it nearly a year before going to my GP about the dimple that appeared on my breast which turned out to be cancer. It's not your fault. Lots of us do it. The important thing is that you have sought treatment now. 💐

Pigsears · 17/11/2022 10:02

Its very easy to do with skin- particularly if you have many moles, blemishes etc

You are in the right place now. It's being looked at. You will have a plan from the NHS team looking after you.

ShimmeringShirts · 17/11/2022 10:20

We are so frequently told lumps and bumps are harmless and only to get them checked if they’re changing size or shape drastically, I would have dismissed it myself too. This isn’t your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty over. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how tough it is right now Flowers

Energeticenoch · 17/11/2022 10:23

It’s called a cancer but it doesn’t spread to other organs and it won’t kill you. It may leave a scar though

Mycatsgoldtooth · 17/11/2022 10:24

My friend ignored hers for ten years, it spread to her lymph nodes. She’s just finished treatment and is doing really well and is cancer free. Go easy on yourself. 💐

somethingdifferent789 · 17/11/2022 10:28

My brother in law ignored a patch on his face for four years! It was cancer. He got it cut out, it had spread but it just meant he needed to have more cut out. He's fine now and the scar is very minimal too.
Stay positive!
Motherland on Netflix is pretty funny.
My octopus teacher on Netflix is very heart warming and beautiful.

somethingdifferent789 · 17/11/2022 10:29

Oh for god sake ignore Netflix recommendations getting mixed up with different thread Grin

Winceybincey · 17/11/2022 10:29

Is that the cancer that’s most often benign? Sorry if I sound insensitive I don’t mean to and you’re feelings are totally valid, the word cancer is scary as hell. But there’s one form that isn’t dangerous and I’m sure it’s that one.

please don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s probable it didn’t look like cancer at all so you weren’t concerned about it. There’s far more awareness of Melanoma and the changes to moles that happens with that cancer so if it doesn’t look like one of those moles then most wouldn’t think anything until much later.

hugs 💐

MrsMariaReynolds · 17/11/2022 10:34

I had a skin cancer (basal cell) removed after leaving it too long. In my case, it got dismissed a number of times by the GP until it started bleeding. They still weren't completely convinced it was a cancer until after it had been removed by dermatology and biopsied. Apart from a yucky scar on my arm, I have no ill effects.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's very treatable and you're taking care of it now. ❤️

BellePeppa · 17/11/2022 10:35

It’s perfectly normal to not to the gp at the first symptoms of something. I started getting stomachs pains in the March (many years ago) but put it down to all sorts of things but never cancer. I did go to gp a few weeks later but just told to get Peptol. Finally in the November it was diagnosed as cancer, so 8 months where I could have sorted it sooner. We are only human, don’t beat yourself up about it and concentrate on the now and the future.

Againstmachine · 17/11/2022 10:38

So you ignored it lots of do for lots of things, it happens.

Don't beat yourself up it isn't your fault you have cancer, it's what you do now that matters, find out the severity and the treatments plan, you might be worrying but it can be treated effectively.

Schnooze · 17/11/2022 10:42

I left a lump for a year, then beat myself up over not going sooner, when an ultra sound, then mri was needed. Fortunately it turned out to be nothing but I remember the completely being annoyed at yourself feeling - particularly as I should have known better after having had cancer previously.

Calmdown14 · 17/11/2022 10:46

The thing is symptoms aren't concerning until they fail to go away. You don't know it has spread or that the treatment is any different.

If you had gone when it first appeared and it was too small to be concerning then maybe you'd have left it even longer to get checked out again

babyjellyfish · 17/11/2022 10:48

Don't beat yourself up about it, OP.

Most people would assume it was just a "weird skin thing" rather than jumping to the conclusion that it was cancer.

This is absolutely not your fault and the last thing you need right now is to blame yourself. Focus on your treatment.

What have the doctors said? What are the next steps?

Take each day as it comes.