How do I forgive myself? (Cancer)

[Mookaruu]

I have SCC (skin cancer). I found a red lump on the base of my neck in March. I dismissed as nothing for months and months and months. Finally I got round to seeing a GP. It’s SCC. I’m waiting to find out how bad it is. I imagine it must have spread by now. It’s been so long. I hate that I’ve done this to myself and my family.

Anyone can get cancer, it's not your fault and you shouldn't be blaming yourself. Ignoring some symptom is something most people do, partly because they wait to see if it will resolve by itself, and partly because they don't want any bad news. It's normal. Good luck with your treatment and hopefully you'll be fine afterwards.

My mum ignored her changing mole. My dsis made her go to GP & it was early melanoma. She’s fine now. Don’t blame yourself. We all ignore things.

It's just human nature to dismiss it and tbh with the state of the NHS at the moment and the lack of GP appointments I think we're all more likely to give something that appears minor a stiff ignoring!
Don't beat yourself up OP!
💐

If is a Squamous Cell Carcinoma, then it's not benign. If left, it will eventually spread and it can kill you.

Actually I thought your post was wonderful! 😍Telling op to stay positive and then giving some good distracting and cheerful TV recommendations. I thought what a lovely post! 😅

I waited over a year to get my symptoms checked cos didn't want to have the colonoscopy and when I finally gave in they found bowel cancer. Thankfully it was early stages and they managed to get it but said had it been any longer would've been a very different story. We all make mistakes, no point in beating yourself up about it. Best of luck for results. I know it's very hard to have to wait on them!

I get you op. I really do. I have felt exactly the same sort of guilt. It destroyed me. I’m in a much better place now, but what I would say it that the kids really need you. They need you to be as normal as it is possible for you to be. So please try not to feel guilty. And as someone looking at the situation from the outside (oh how easy it is to be one of those people!), it’s not your fault. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. You’re not a bad person because you got cancer.

Not true unfortunately. That's Basal cell carcinoma (BCC) you're thinking of, not Squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) which the OP has.

However, it may NOT have spread OP, many skin cancers are slow growing. Good luck!

Well you have got it checked out now, that’s the main thing.
I have had SCC, many BCCs lasered, frozen off or destroyed with chemo cream.
9 melanomas removed, 5 of which were wider excisions, skin flaps, skin grafts and lymph nodes out.
The main thing is you are on top of it now. Well done for getting it looked at.

Be proud you didn't leave it any longer. You noticed a weird skin thing. They happen all the time! After a while you recognised some tbh img must be wrong and got it checked and located the cancerous bastard.

In just months! You could've left it years and been worse off, but you didn't. Be proud you absorbed the message and eventually got someone to look.

A family member ignored a melanoma from early 2020 through to November 2021.

It was removed at her very first appointment as they were so concerned. It had not spread even a tiny bit. She was very lucky.

Iv let rectal bleeding for years
its human nature to not take it seriously and then be scared donr be so ducking hard on yourself
I hope everything turns out ok
for way it’s worth I know a lady who had stage 4 she’s ok now been 5 years clear and has had 3 kids since (just announced another in her 40’s)

As others have said, don’t beat yourself up about it.
We all ignore things. From how you described it I would have probably ignored it or not even noticed it too.
Focus on your recovery now as this added stress from worrying about ‘if only’s’ will just make you feel ill.

I had some concerning results last autumn, which needed a womb biopsy done under GA, and I didn’t tell anyone other than one friend — not DH, who was dealing with a huge source of stress, or my best friend, who’d just lost a close friend overnight from sepsis in her early 40s.

The friend I told I hadn’t planned to, but in fact he was great. He checked in regularly while I waited for results, without crowding me. It was the right decision for me.

@Mookaruu

Hi, how are you getting on?

Please don't blame yourself. We all notice bumps and rashes and twinges of pain and slight visual abnormalities and menstrual changes and unusual headaches and a bit of bloating and feeling unusually tired...most of the time we wait it out and it goes away. If we ran to the doctor every time, we would do nothing else.

When you started to think it might be something concerning, you went and got it checked out. I really hope you find it hasn't spread and can be easily managed .

You're not alone, it's quite normal to dismiss changes and not want to think about what could be. I work in primary care and it's fairly typical for a patient to say "i've been worrying about this lump/mole/lesion for almost a year now, it just keeps getting bigger and my partner/friend is fed up of me going on about it and made me come today to get it checked..."

SCCs are typically very slow growing and success in treatment is very high. The odds are still very much in your favour.

Ahhh, just realised this was an old thread!! I always forget to check the date.