Surely there's a hospital ward etiquette?

[dinoprincesses]

Dd (5) is currently in hospital after an operation. Hopefully going home later today. We were in overnight last night and I'm honestly shocked at what some people think is acceptable! Surely I'm not the only person that thinks this is unreasonable behaviour...

Woman and her hound Ds (presuming around 2ish) get put in the bed next to us and on the other side is a teenage girl (on her own as mom left early evening).

It gets to 9pm and most of the lights on the ward start going off as obviously it's a children's ward. Woman with her DS puts her telly on full volume, then gives her Ds a tablet, again on full blast. She then takes 6 video calls over the space of an hour, not bothering to turn the tv or tablet down but just shouting above it instead. This went on until 2.30am when she finally put him to bed although she kept the tv on as presumably she didn't want to go to sleep. A nurse did coke in at some point and ask her to take calls outside and keep volumes down as little one were trying to sleep but she would just wait until they had left and turn it up again.

Girl on the other side was on calls on loud speaker until about 11.30pm. Kind of understood this a bit more as she was on her own and she's probably not interested in going to bed at the same time as most of the kids on a children's ward. However she then started taking constant pictures for about 45 minutes with the flash and sound on.

Then this morning woman next to us takes another video call at 5am, loudly f'ing and blinding about her 'lay about bf who needs to cut out the wacky background so he can come and pick us up'.

I know I'm probably being a bit unreasonable because I'm tired and I understand that it's rare to be able to sleep in disturbed in hospital but surely this is just a whole new level of selfishness.

Just to add, the whole time we've been here I've kept my little ones tv at a low volume to make sure we didn't disturb anybody else, we generally keep our voices quite low (unless the nurses are giving medicine though the cannula etc which normally causes some loud crying) but generally have just tried to be courteous of others.

I think she thinks they are some type of free childcare

Some do see it as free childcare. We used to have parents turning up with their child in a&e over new year hoping to get their child admitted so they could go out. This was years ago, mind

Aw no YANBU OP what a stressful situation, it stressed me out reading it. I hope your little one is doing better. I think with hospital wards, as with any situation where you deal with random members of the public, its just luck of the draw. Most people are decent and thoughtful but you will get a significant minority who are rude, selfish, and thoughtless. It's just hard to deal with when you're stuck somewhere and can't leave and it doesn't help if you are unwell or worried as people in hospitals tend to be.

To me it comes down to the hospital staff. They should be managing the wards and enforcing rules more strictly. With staff shortages, underfunding, burnout and overuse of agency staff it just doesn't seem to work anymore. I hope you and your little one get the rest and calm you need at home x

I would have been tempted to grab the remote and tablet off them tbh

Like, I imagine, the majority of MNetters, we are normally insulated from the reality of lowlife Britain. Unfortunately, while in hospital, we are thrown amongst them willy-nilly.

Happens with the elderly too unfortunately. When I was nursing we used to call Christmas “dump your granny time” because very sadly that’s what a lot of families did. Not so easy now obviously!

Where are the matrons/ward sisters and staff enforcing the rules? If people aren't told they'll just carry on doing it.

It's basically a free for all on lack of awareness for others. When I was in with my child, we were expected to be part of next bed's coping mechanism which included loud TV until after midnight. For some reason, our coping mechanism of keeping things quiet and normal for a 5 year old stop them freaking out wasn't relevant.

Honestly, video calls are one of the worlds worst inventions and should be banned in public.

So happy you and DD will be home today, its always horrible being in hospital with a child!

Law of averages means that some of these people must be on MN........

Anyone 😬

I must be very naive as I wouldn't have thought the staff would tolerate such behaviour.

But it does explain why on MN posters get accused of being pearl clutchers and told to mind their own business for daring to draw attention to lack of consideration for others and poor standards.

If I was In charge of the ward I'd have gone and asked everyone to keep
The noise down. Or I send parents on video calls at 5am to the play room. Phone alarms on loud really annoy us. But I think people genuinely forget to switch them off.
Actually the most difficult noise to deal with is parents snoring loudly. Especially if other parents are complaining!

No experience on paediatric or maternity wards but I’ve had a few bad experiences. For instance when I was admitted as emergency a few weeks ago from A and E, I finally got to a ward about 11:30 at night. I
had been trying to doze a bit while on a trolley in A and E but on the ward the lights were full on at that time of night! There was no particular reason like a patient requiring very tricky care and even if there had been, the lights over the bed would have been sufficient. Another time, I was in a four-bedded bay and there was a patient with
about eight visitors and the curtains drawn around the bed. The noise sounded like a party! A third time, I was in a bay with one other patient but her visiting partner kept playing her music on his phone until nearly 10 pm when visiting hours ended at 8! On that occasion I did have a word with the staff and the partner eventually left but it was still quite a disturbance to me and others at a point when I was ready to settle down for the night.

i was on a childrens ward as a child once in 90’s and once in early 2000’s. Totally different to your experience. I think a lot of it can blamed on the availability of technology and how people just don’t seem to have any mannners with it.

both times, when I was 8 and when I was mid teens I had books to read to keep me busy in hospital. And when I was a teenager I got told to put my book down and turn my light off and sleep when it got to midnight. I told them I couldn’t sleep and she said tough the light was disturbing others (and then I fell asleep in ten minutes I was just being an arsehole teenager).

I think there is a general trend of not making small kids wear headphones with their technology and I just don’t understand it. How do the parents not find the noises annoying themselves??

and probably the nurses don’t want to tolerate it but they don’t have time to have enforce rules. Can you imagine the drama that would have ensued if she’d tried to kick the woman out?

Believe me, we do enforce the rules. Unfortunately people are too selfish/ don't listen.

I had a similar situation
Spoke to a nurse who dealt with it

So a depressed area will have an appropriate level of behaviour. Just why??

The parents are being awful, but, the real issue is poor leadership / support from the ward sister / matron.

All of the staff should feel confident and empowered enough to nip stuff like this in the bud from the outset, once one parent sees someone getting away with it, then everyone feel as though they can, and it becomes culturally entrenched.

Ask for a friends and family feedback form and mention it on there - i'd consider going to PALS and asking it to be fed back - not necessarily as a complaint, but as feedback to the ward manager(s).

You’re more tolerate them me, I’d have switched the bloody TV off and told her to be quiet.

The problem being there aren’t enough staff to police badly behaved relatives and patients, and also nurse the patients! In the old days Sister’s word was law, but the workload intensity was different back then, and the public had more respect for hospital staff then as well.

Sorry but last time I visited my dad in hospital and it was shocking to the core. He had no rest in there at all. Other patients up at all hours, making noise, the prisoner in the the next bed and he watchers causing disruption all night, also some other patient living out verbally his entire life story where my dad said can you go get me some money out to give this complete stranger! I took all my dads belongings home that night! A nurse was fighting with another patient who had stolen ward phone to make long distance phone-calls. My ill dad then trying to aid another patient who was wandering around then peeing on the floor! The nurses all seemed to act like all the rubbish going on was normal - to me it was like a mad house. Of course me being me I immediately looked for whoever in charge of this ward to have a word! Sorry but these days no one wants to take charge and standards have gone!

Sleep is a hugely important part of physical healing. When people behave like this, they’ve actively sabotaging the recovery of the children around them. I’d be extremely upset.

Ask to speak to the nurse in charge of the ward and ask her to ban video calls from the childrens ward and inform everyone of that today. If she won’t, why not? Either way, her very specifically to speak to the mum who’s swearing loudly at 5am. TVs should be turned off at 7.30pm, can the hospital have a policy on this?

Just awful. You certainly do meet the dregs of society in hospital sometimes. I feel for the nurses who are trying to do medical work, they shouldn’t have to police assholes with no concept of civilised behaviour.

OP - this is horrendous. Sending sympathy and hoping you'll be out soon.

But that doesn't address the problem. Where have all these uncouth, entitled, feral people come from? Utterly selfish, lazy and entitled.

I was in Great Ormond Street 25 years ago with my son for many weeks over a number of years. Also other local hospitals with him, and I never encountered anything approaching this.

Hospital staff need to deal with it - and I know that's a really big ask, because some of these people can be quite threatening. But it DOES need to be dealt with - so security guard-type people to enforce the rules? Ignoring it isn't OK.

What has happened to society that we seem to have bred such entitlement and disregard for others - and sick people too. Time to get tough and enforce clear rules - if they want to stay on the ward with their child, obey the house rules - their choice.

YANBU OP and I hope you're out of there soon, that other mum sounds awful!

I spent two nights in hospital recently (emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy) and it was hellish.

The first night was spent in A&E as there were no beds (this was before the surgery). It was awful, very long waiting times so people became frustrated and kicked off. There were also people being brought in by police who were high or very drunk and they were also kicking off.

Eventually I was put in a side waiting room. There was an older man in there who was complaining constantly. He accosted nurses every time they tried to tend to someone else, inc. an elderly woman with a bleeding head injury. He delayed me getting my IV fluids drip (after over 12 hours of nil by mouth) due to bothering the nurse so much that she left me to deal with him and shut him up. He also loudly complained every time I used the toilet (I was having a lot of bleeding) and tried to force the door open when I was in there (the nurses had to keep pulling him away). I was thoroughly relieved when he was sent home!