Surely there's a hospital ward etiquette?

[dinoprincesses]

Dd (5) is currently in hospital after an operation. Hopefully going home later today. We were in overnight last night and I'm honestly shocked at what some people think is acceptable! Surely I'm not the only person that thinks this is unreasonable behaviour...

Woman and her hound Ds (presuming around 2ish) get put in the bed next to us and on the other side is a teenage girl (on her own as mom left early evening).

It gets to 9pm and most of the lights on the ward start going off as obviously it's a children's ward. Woman with her DS puts her telly on full volume, then gives her Ds a tablet, again on full blast. She then takes 6 video calls over the space of an hour, not bothering to turn the tv or tablet down but just shouting above it instead. This went on until 2.30am when she finally put him to bed although she kept the tv on as presumably she didn't want to go to sleep. A nurse did coke in at some point and ask her to take calls outside and keep volumes down as little one were trying to sleep but she would just wait until they had left and turn it up again.

Girl on the other side was on calls on loud speaker until about 11.30pm. Kind of understood this a bit more as she was on her own and she's probably not interested in going to bed at the same time as most of the kids on a children's ward. However she then started taking constant pictures for about 45 minutes with the flash and sound on.

Then this morning woman next to us takes another video call at 5am, loudly f'ing and blinding about her 'lay about bf who needs to cut out the wacky background so he can come and pick us up'.

I know I'm probably being a bit unreasonable because I'm tired and I understand that it's rare to be able to sleep in disturbed in hospital but surely this is just a whole new level of selfishness.

Just to add, the whole time we've been here I've kept my little ones tv at a low volume to make sure we didn't disturb anybody else, we generally keep our voices quite low (unless the nurses are giving medicine though the cannula etc which normally causes some loud crying) but generally have just tried to be courteous of others.

YY, it is rather ridiculous. My DB was hit by a car at 15 (he was fine the silly fecker wasn’t looking where he was going) and was knocked unconscious. Me and my parents were at a wedding so got the call and turned up in our black tie suits and Posh frocks, and DB, who at 15 was already 6’4” was Lying in a childrens bed with his legs dangling over the end. We must’ve been a right sight! Mum had to insist they found a new bed!

Sadly OP, I think this is just a snapshot of a decline in manners, consideration of others, whatever you want to call it, in society in general.

Selfish and so depressing.

I hope your LO is home today and feeling much better soon.

Yeah I completely understand the teenagers point of view, the photos were a bit annoying but that's just probably me being old and boring! The other woman is a whole different story though!

YANBU a hospital is for recovery and rest, all devices can be used and enjoyed without being anti social to others. Yes there should be some etiquette along with manners but I think that's a dying thing. I had the joys of a religious Tv channel on full pelt till late at night and a women with prayers on loud speaker having just had a C section. I asked them to turn it off or use headphones! I wouldn't speak that loud and frequent in a generic public space let alone on a hospital ward.

Postnatal ward was hell. Noisy at all hours, loud phone calls, families arguing, men walking around in boxers at night like it's a hotel. Nurse told me wasn't uncommon for men to piss in the sinks. People leaving their babies unattended and going for a smoke/shop and the baby just crying and crying.

I agree with this. Does anyone else think it’s got worse since lockdown? Like time away from others has made us forget ourselves. I notice it a lot in public, in GP surgeries, public transport, in shared work spaces too. I’m also certain that road rage is increasing (or maybe I’m just getting older). The amount of people who go beserk because someone takes longer than 0.5 seconds to go on a green light is disturbing

I actually think some cultures can sound out the noise, my ex in-laws had constant hustle and bustle in their home, no sleep routines or timings and they were fine. Constantly on the phone to each other. I've since lived abroad and it was the same staying in hotels etc nobody had a night time voice or let's close doors like a normal person let's just slam each time. 🤣 Meanwhile I was like a women possessed at all the chaos wishing for a mute button.

It was exactly the same when my baby was in hospital 15 years' ago - woman next to me had the tv on all night long really loudly - she said she couldn't sleep without it. She didn't wake up when I finally lost my shit at 2am and turned it off though.

on tbe lockdown response side i think lockdown has actually helped on peads wards in stopping the family gatherings on wards!

I think in your situation I would have kept on complaining to the nurses till they called security and sorted it out.

I spent many years being in charge on a Children’s ward and have told relatives to leave at silly times and refused to let one extended family in who turned up with pizza at 11pm. Unfortunately we do get people kicking off at us about it.

Thankfully the last time I was in with one of my dc we were lucky enough to have a side room, but this doesn’t happen often.

Had similar when ds was in for weeks. Also someone stole my food, parents were smoking in the toilets. There was a max of two visitors per bed and a family of about 8 would turn up every day, unplug the earphones on the tv and have it blasting at full volume. They would not leave until well after visiting hours.

On one occasion I went to the loo and said family took the chair next to my child's bed that was for me to sleep in every night. I went over to get it back and had a lady (possibly grandma) screaming at high volume me in a language I could not understand. How I remained calm is beyond me, it was stressful especially as at this stage my son was undiagnosed and becoming more unwell. For clarity there was only one chair per bed. Most second visitors tended to perch. I'm assuming this was purposeful as it was only supposed to be one visitor overnight.

I went to the nurse and after her shouting and playing tug a war with the angry and clearly unrepentant woman I did get my chair back (though various other mums did not as they had taken several). The family carried on as they were despite it being against the ward rules.

We've got to a point in society where manners are atrocious. Society is so permissive that there isn't the peer pressure to adhere to the past social norms of respecting others. It's all about one's own boundaries and one's own needs. It seems to have been forgotten that we all operate within a wider framework that needs both give and take. It's no wonder people's mental health is shot.

When DD was in hospital a while back they had a 'visiting' dog. If the patient wanted it they could meet the dog. He was a lovely golden retriever with beautiful manners except that he was a food thief and so had been rejected as a guide dog!

DD loved it as she was missing our dog.

We were lucky, the children's ward had been completely revamped with individual rooms.

A local charity had also funded tablets for each room but sadly every single one got stolen within a few weeks.

Totally unacceptable and the staff should be taking action.
I don't like this idea of men being allowed to stay overnight in maternity wards either

what about the rights of other patients. Everything nowadays seems to be me me me
I worry for my grandchildrens future

Unfortunately this is how people are now and I don't excuse the teenager either. Likely she has never been told it's totally unacceptable to be on your phone like that but she should be told. I live in a very 'diverse' area (well not diverse at all, totally dominated by one culture) and the local hospital is challenging to say the least. Nobody seems to understand phones don't have to be on loud speaker and the whole family turns up with granny and sits there chatting. I am aware I have a low tolerance level for noise but the general lack of respect these days by all cultures for other people's right to peace and quiet is disturbing.

People have no manners at all. Chavvy!

Maternity wards are the worst. And in my case it was often the husbands! Football games blaring on the iPads, movies, face time calls. The worst is when people have face time calls and speak in another language (this is not meant to be a racist comment btw!). But I can't even make sense of what's being said so loud lol, so just more noise and sensory overload for me

Sadly people have no manners any more my DS1 has a chronic condition and spent many many nights on various children's wards wanting to pull my hair out with selfish parents.
he’s a adult now he still complains about the other patients when he’s had to stay in.
I remember one New Year’s Eve three of the resident long term patients parents got drunk in the parents room and one of them was next to DS the snoring I could of killed her

My son had a few nights in hospital when he was four, ideally it would be nice if wards were maybe 2-10 and 11-16 age wise, but I know resources don’t allow that.

Other childrens behaviour I completely forgave, it would be hypocritical not to as my son cried in the early hours a few times. But adults should absolutely behave, being a bit loud etc if your child is admitted during the night is clearly fine. We were only in two nights, we had parents watching loud TV all night, including things that were not child friendly. Loud (and aggressive) verbal arguments. We even had two parents removed by the police as they were physically fighting due to finding naked pictures on the others phone.

Every time I was in a kids ward with DS, in two different hospitals, there was a cut off point and tvs went off at a certain time unless the child was in an individual room. Most of his stays were when they wouldn't allow mobile phones to be used on the wards at all, last time he was in that had changed and I noticed a big difference.

Shocking behaviour. The hospital should have a lights out time and a quiet time when TVs and devices have to be turned off or muted. I blame the hospital if they are not implementing this.

Luckily the nurses have come to my rescue a little now. The woman has disappeared about 5 times on calls and left her toddler running over to my dds bed. My daughter was playing some board games which is a nice treat for her without her toddler brother trying to throw all the pieces etc and all of a sudden we have said toddler jumping all over her, shouting in her face etc. the nurses noticed and have come and spoken to the mum and asked her to make sure she is looking after her own child whilst he's on the ward. Not a lot to ask really is it!

No it isn't OP, as if they don't have enough to do without having to referee this crap.

No wonder they are going on strike and it is people like this selfish mare you are having to deal with who will be first in the queue to complain when they do.

@ElmoNeedsThePotty I completely agree. Just to confirm though, I haven't asked them to get involved, they noticed the little boy kept running on to my little ones bed and have asked him to move as my Dd is supposed to be keeping a distance from people (as much as is possible in a hospital) to prevent infections whilst she's recovering.

She's left him at the nurses station at least a handful of times since last night whilst she's nipped out to smoke etc, I think she thinks they are some type of free childcare

@dinoprincesses It never occurred to me for a second that you had involved them, apologies if my reference to refereeing gave you that impression.

I am totally behind you

Welcome to the the Great British Public.
You have to stand up for yourself and your child I'm afraid. And do it immediately. It's feckin grim I know. I also work in the assumption that i will never sleep in hospital.