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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really bad?

53 replies

Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:15

A friend is moving house. We're helping them on moving day.
As part of the clear out she brought several bin bags of clothes destined for the charity shop for my DD to look through. DD chose a few bits but most of it is not stuff she likes. To save the friend having to worry about it I said I would take the bags to the charity shop but I'm tempted to sell a few bits on Vinted. They're not mega things just hoodies I would sell for a couple of quid.
Is that wrong? I personally wouldn't care if the situation was reversed (if I couldn't be arsed to sell and was taking to the charity but friend could be arsed to sell) but I feel like some people might think that was bad and somehow my moral compass has gone a bit wonky.
Should I not do this?

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/11/2022 01:17

Yes that is not ok! Your friend is expecting her stuff to go to a charity shop and instead you’re flogging them and keeping the money

SheilaWilcox · 17/11/2022 01:20

It's only okay if you give her the money. Then she can choose to let you keep it, split it with you, or donate the cash to the charity instead.

RambamThankyouMam · 17/11/2022 01:25

Wow - definitely not ok!

themodiste · 17/11/2022 01:30

Definitely not okay unless you ask her first

Dartmoorcheffy · 17/11/2022 01:31

If I were your friend I wouldn't mind if you let me know you were doing it . You shouldn't do it without asking first though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2022 01:32

I'm tempted to sell a few bits on Vinted.

It depends if the end to that sentence is "and pocket the money" or "get more than the charity shop would and donate it".

The first makes you an arse.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/11/2022 01:35

You know it isn’t ok - your friend is expecting anything your daughter doesn’t want to go to charity.

If you are skint, then ask her.

Newmumatlast · 17/11/2022 01:35

Not ok. She intends to give to charity and you are telling her that's what you'll be doing. By diverting the proceeds into your pocket, you're lying to your friend and also taking from a charity. Not cool. Why not just ask her if you can sell some and give her the money for a cut for your efforts? Or is it because you know she would say no please give it to charity and you want to make a bit of money?

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:46

Ok. Thanks for the tip it's not cool. Maybe I'll ask her if she minds. It's not about the money. Just thought it's the sort of stuff people might like on Vinted. I donate regularity to charity shops and give stuff away on Facebook. I'm not trying to screw them out of cash. Most shops have way more stuff than they can sell so it ends up going to scrap. It was just an alternate route to finding clothes a new home. But I should run it past her first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:49

But, to play devil's advocate, she did give all the clothes to me for my DD. If DD wanted all the clothes and when she was done I sold them on Vinted, what's the difference?

OP posts:
pinheadlarry · 17/11/2022 01:57

Bottom line is that she doesnt want them and you are taking them off her hands
So sell them if you want to..
If she wanted to sell them she would have but she clearly cant be asked
And you can tell her youre selling them if you want to but you dont have to because they are your clothes now

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2022 02:16

Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:49

But, to play devil's advocate, she did give all the clothes to me for my DD. If DD wanted all the clothes and when she was done I sold them on Vinted, what's the difference?

Difference is you're not profiting in cash money.

I mean maybe you think it isn't different but you clearly do because you asked.

HelloBambinos · 17/11/2022 04:20

Okay if (as you say) there is no difference...then tell her before you do it...if it's all fine and not an underhanded thing to do (which I think you actually realise it is but you're trying to justify it to yourself and others) then you won't have any issues telling her..even just a quick message 'thank you for giving me all those clothes for DD she really like the bits she's picked out and I'm going to sell some of the other bits on vinted before dropping the rest off to charity so they will also go to a good home' the fact is you've already made it out like you are doing her a favour by offering to take the bits DD didn't want to the charity shop ...that's the underhanded part...you've laid out an expectation...if she had just given you all the stuff and said 'here you go have these' then fine...but it's not been communicated that way. Originally your friend had these items set to go to the charity shop but was kind enough to let your dd look through them first and now you've offered to drop them off to the palace she actually intended to send them so no of course it's not right you now just decide to sell stuff to make a profit...that's not what she intended the clothes for and not the expectation you laid out.

HelloBambinos · 17/11/2022 04:22

*place not palace...night shift tiredness creeping in

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 07:39

HelloBambinos · 17/11/2022 04:20

Okay if (as you say) there is no difference...then tell her before you do it...if it's all fine and not an underhanded thing to do (which I think you actually realise it is but you're trying to justify it to yourself and others) then you won't have any issues telling her..even just a quick message 'thank you for giving me all those clothes for DD she really like the bits she's picked out and I'm going to sell some of the other bits on vinted before dropping the rest off to charity so they will also go to a good home' the fact is you've already made it out like you are doing her a favour by offering to take the bits DD didn't want to the charity shop ...that's the underhanded part...you've laid out an expectation...if she had just given you all the stuff and said 'here you go have these' then fine...but it's not been communicated that way. Originally your friend had these items set to go to the charity shop but was kind enough to let your dd look through them first and now you've offered to drop them off to the palace she actually intended to send them so no of course it's not right you now just decide to sell stuff to make a profit...that's not what she intended the clothes for and not the expectation you laid out.

It's not underhand. It was a WWYD question. Or a WDY Think question because I wouldn't personally care but I realised some might so I was gauging the temperature.
And it's not about profit. I list stuff on there for 3 quid at the most. It's more about recycling.
She gave me all the clothes for DD. (Including school uniform which we can't use but I said I would contact the local FB page which donates uniform and take it to them.) She has a lot more important stuff to worry about and I don't think she will give the clothes a second thought now they're no longer in her house.
But I will ask her if she minds and offer to split any proceeds (which could be in a year's time because things take months to sell on there).
OMG the professional outrage. People can't wait to be judgey and stick the boot in. It is actually possibly to offer a polite opinion without calling people names and casting aspersions you know.

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 17/11/2022 07:41

I wouldn't care, if I'd given the clothes to you it means I couldn't be bothered selling them myself so crack on.

FirewomanSam · 17/11/2022 07:48

I think if the stuff will sell well on Vinted it will sell well at the charity shop so the recycling concern doesn’t really make sense. Fine if you mention it to your friend but a bit underhanded if you don’t.

I had someone do something like this once (I gave them something because they expressed an interest in having it for themselves, then they immediately sold it). It left a bad taste in my mouth. If they’d told me they wanted it to sell then I could have made a decision based on that, but I gave it to them in good faith thinking it was something they liked and wanted to have.

ladydimitrescu · 17/11/2022 07:51

Well it is about the money isn't it 😂
"Stuff people might like on Vinted" - so they'd like it in a charity shop then wouldn't they.
YABU, it's bloody cheeky.

Cheeeeislifenow · 17/11/2022 07:54

I wouldn't care personally, I don't see the big deal, she gave you the clothes as far as I can see you are free to do what you want with them.

brighterthanthemoon · 17/11/2022 07:54

Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:46

Ok. Thanks for the tip it's not cool. Maybe I'll ask her if she minds. It's not about the money. Just thought it's the sort of stuff people might like on Vinted. I donate regularity to charity shops and give stuff away on Facebook. I'm not trying to screw them out of cash. Most shops have way more stuff than they can sell so it ends up going to scrap. It was just an alternate route to finding clothes a new home. But I should run it past her first.

That makes no sense. People will like it in the charity shop if they like it on vinted so it's clearly about the money.

Anyway, ask her if she minds if you list it and you'll give her 80% of the profit or something like that.

brighterthanthemoon · 17/11/2022 07:55

Whatever you do don't do it without asking as if she sees her stuff on vinted she will be well pissed off. Alternatively wait a year and then sell it when DD has grown out of it.

Ivyonafence · 17/11/2022 07:57

I've had this happen to me, something I gave away appeared on Facebook marketplace. I thought it was incredibly tacky of them and it impacted our friendship.

I wouldn't do it. You said you'd give the items DD didn't want to a charity so keep your word.

carefulcalculator · 17/11/2022 07:57

It's not ok, unless you ask. If she just gave you the clothes it'd be fine, but the arrangement was your DD would check and the rest go to charity. Your friend wants to benefit charity but gave you first dibs.

MichaelFabricantWig · 17/11/2022 07:57

Z0rr0 · 17/11/2022 01:46

Ok. Thanks for the tip it's not cool. Maybe I'll ask her if she minds. It's not about the money. Just thought it's the sort of stuff people might like on Vinted. I donate regularity to charity shops and give stuff away on Facebook. I'm not trying to screw them out of cash. Most shops have way more stuff than they can sell so it ends up going to scrap. It was just an alternate route to finding clothes a new home. But I should run it past her first.

It’s not about screwing over the CS but your friend

lanbro · 17/11/2022 08:04

I think it's fine, ime people offload them to other people so they don't have to sort them for rhe charity. Just tell her you're going to fo it, offer to go halves but I bet she'll just be glad to be rid of them.
If I was your friend I wouldn't care