Was this rude?

[NotSureYet86]

So I was having a work meeting with this woman I’d never met before a couple of weeks ago. She started talking about equality and diversity and said something along the lines of you’re an over privileged white girl so I wouldn’t understand. She then said she thought I had a disability, and I said no I don’t (because I don’t) and she then said oh I thought you did when you walked in. AIBU to think this is quite rude? If I did have a disability and as I don’t I’m a bit baffled what she thought it was. I didn’t know whether to call her out on it not being a polite way to speak to someone or not? The whole thing was bizarre and she generally seems to have a rude/abrasive manner, just not sure how I should have dealt with it!

Yes. So many assumptions.

Yes, she sounds very rude!

She sounds socially inept - her issue, not yours. Leave her to it.

What was the meeting meant to be about?

To me it sounds as if she thought equality and diversity were relevant topics somehow, and then got confused why you were there, and jumped to assuming you were there because you had a disability? Very awkward if so!

Is she someone within your company? Someone you'll have to work with again?

Yes, of course she was rude and I personally woukd have either asked her where her assumptions stemmed from and/or reported her

Can you talk to your boss about this person and their comments. The way she referred to you possibly having a physical or mental disability wasn’t right. Your health is your business. If someone having a disability was questioned in such a way it would be wrong and could cause distress. This person needs proper training to be able to work with others.

She was very rude and possibly prejudiced on both race and disability.

She’s an external consultant evaluating one of our services and I was meeting her to get some information from the evaluation for a funding proposal. E&D wasn’t especially relevant, it felt a bit shoe horned in because she wanted to tell me she thought I was an over privileged white girl. I have an Asian husband and an Asian surname, When I introduced myself at the meeting she said “I thought you were Asian when we were emailing”. Those were her first words to me

Yes she was rude.

Why did she call you an over privileged white girl? What was the context?

Seemed to just be my general being, other than having to share that I am married because of her questioning my surname I hadn’t said anything about myself

Out of curiosity, is she white? She sounds quite rude in any case.

Calling someone an over privileged white girl is racist and offensive. The disability stuff was also offensive. Report it to your boss.

She described herself as being from a black inner city background. She was talking about the concept of intersectionality and said that the only shared characteristic we had is both being women and that I was white and clearly (apparently) come from a privileged, probably rural background (?!)

She was really, really rude and unprofessional. Can you email her or let your boss know. Who is she employed by?

It’s really awkward, I think she’s self employed (pretty sure she’s not part of a larger company) my boss got her in as an external consultant and I’m now having to have her work with me on a project but I just don’t think I can take her rude abrasive manner anymore. I’m really polite to her and when discussing a budget spreadsheet that she seemed baffled by instead of letting me explain to her how to read the calculations behind the suns in it she yelled “you’re not listening to me!” At me. It’s just really unprofessional and I’m not used to having to work with someone who behaves like that

None of this is OK. I think a lot of people presume white people can't allege racism and that gives others licence to say things that they themselves have fought long and hard (and rightly so) not to have said to them.
Personally, I would report it. Was the meeting recorded or minuted at all?

You're probably not as polite as you think you are given you can't bear her

No but another colleague was there

Always one...how tedious.
Where has OP said she can't bear her? And how have you come to the conclusion she's impolite? She's a professional, I'm sure she knows how to conduct herself in a business meeting. Stop twisting the narrative just so you can kick off for no reason

Oh God she's spouting Robin Diangelos crap on white privilege. Nod your head with a smile and swiftly move on.

And will this colleague support you if you made a report?
You could ask the woman for a quiet word and explain how her words and attitude are making for an uncomfortable and unprofessional situation for you and ask her to stop or you will have to report it.
But I would have a witness with you, whether you speak to her personally or straight to manager

She sounds very unprofessional @NotSureYet86 Shouting at you, asking irrelevant questions about your name, making accusations that you “wouldn’t understand “ issues because of your ethnicity.

There are grounds for a complaint here.

It's worse than rude - it's racist, nasty and bullying, and the disabled thing is just bizarre. I don't think we should let crap like that pass for an easy life. "Over privileged white girl"- How dare she?

She sounds like she has a massive chip on her shoulder. She has been unprofessional, rude, and has made weird assumptions.

I'm surprised she's self employed with an attitude like that! Good luck at working with her...

Here we go… 🙄